912: Prey Ludicrous

PRESENT AND DISCOUNTED FOR (July 30) —

With Trump as president

it makes perfect sense

to speak of the country

in the past tense.

No longer free,

no longer brave,

the land of the fraudulent,

the home of craven

cowards like Donnie,
a U.S. downmarket

Don Giovanni.

“I am THE LAW,

do as I say.

Everyone gotta

gedoutta my way.

I have perfected

this president con.”

(“Mafia” Don)

      That the situation is hopeless should not prevent us from doing our best. 

       — Aldo Leopold

911: The Trump Doctrine (#PWMCT revisited, une aide-mémoire)

THE WAY IT IS (July 29) —

If a PERSON’s a WOMAN

since I’m a real MAN

I will do whatever I can

to get her in CAMERA

where I can hammer her.

Being famous and rich

can aid and abet you.

If you star on TV,

she has to let you.

910: God's Own (Only?) Party — a game of inches

Georgia senator removes ad that made opponent’s nose bigger

ATLANTA (AP) — Republican Sen. David Perdue of Georgia has taken down a digital campaign ad featuring a manipulated picture of his Democratic opponent Jon Ossoff, who is Jewish, with an enlarged nose.

Before being removed, the Facebook ad showed grainy pictures of Ossoff and Sen. Charles Schumer of New York, who is also Jewish, above a banner reading “DEMOCRATS ARE TRYING TO BUY GEORGIA! HELP DAVID PERDUE FIGHT BACK.”

The news outlet the Forward first reported that the image was manipulated and made Ossoff’s nose appear larger than in the original photo.

NEW JEWRAZZLEM (July 28)  —  

It’s insulting to us when someone supposes

we have a thing about SOME PEOPLES' noses

in particular those who follow Moses

who are so well-adapted to smelling the roses.

Calling us anti-Semitic is a damnable lie.

We are not bigots. We don’t even try.

We love THE JEWS. We don't want to hurt them.

Unless, of course, we fail to convert them.

We need to. To speed Jesus’ returning.

To bring on the hell of all others burning.

Given these generous, pure Christian views,

HOW DARE YOU SAY WE DON'T LOVE OUR JEWS!

909: Generation Gap (pandemic edition)

NOT IN THE SAME PLACE (July 27) —

The Old Man:

No reason for panic. Keep calm. Carry on.

We’ve seen pandemics before.

And, although the climate is changing,

it is not as though we were at war.

Things may get worse. As a matter of fact

peak hurricane season is nearing;

but we are in position for launching Mars missions

and at the launchpad the weather is clearing.

The “Yute”:

I say, FUCK IT, we get in our cars

and drive somewhere they’ve opened the bars.

And the clubs. And the restaurants.

Staying inside in summer sucks.

Can’t go to the park or the beach or a movie.

We need to get OUT. We need to PAR-TY!

And, did I mention, we're sick of Netflix.

We need to have sex — and so do the chicks.

We're at home — ALONE! — while Twitter is trending 

#THEWHOLEGODDAMNFUCKINGWORLDSENDING!

908: #PWMCT (or PWUNKED 2020)

MINDBOGGLED (July 26) —

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
Those words prove my mental acuity.

I remember them, so all agree

nothing whatever's the matter with me.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
Biden, hidin’ down in his cellar . . .

very low-IQ kinda fella.

Not a stable genius like me. 

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
I know nothing of history.

Not even who started the GOP.

(A lot of people say it was me.)

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately . . . education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes . . .

— Oscar Wilde, The Importance Of Being Earnest

907.2: EXTRA! The Fire This Time

BERLIN-ON-POTOMAC (July 26) —

We must not allow rioters with forceful leaf blowers
to threaten our troops. What's next lawn mowers?
Use maximum force to protect the homeland
before Portland becomes a U.S. Reichstagsbrand.
I don't yet see fire, but I tell you folks,
when I breathe deep, I think I smell smoke.