Friday, March 20, 2020

№ 817: It's The Economy, Stupid (part deux)



“I’m not denying what a nasty disease COVID-19 can be, and how it’s obviously devastating to somewhere between 1 and 3.4* percent of the population,” he said.

“But that means 97 to 99 percent will get through this....We don’t shut down our economies because tens of thousands of people die from the common flu,” Johnson said.

BRIGHT SIDE, WI (March 19) —

Letting 'em die could finance a tax cut,
savings on Medicare would be sky high.
Not to mention Social Security.
Dying is a sign of maturity.


What's 3.4%* anyway?
A little bit over ten million!**
Getting rid of our excess of oldies
would save the treasury billions. (Or trillions!)
And even better, matter of fact,
most of 'em probably vote Democrat.
——————
*Sen. Johnson later “corrected” himself to say he meant between 1 and 3.4 percent of the infected population. However, Canadian and German government health authorities have predicted an infection rate of two-thirds of their populations. You do the math: at most, ONLY two-thirds of number of Americans shown below will be infected and die. And even so, these are just numbers, not people, right Sen. Johnson? BTW Ron Johnson is an accountant, so I presume he knows his way around numbers. (If you know what I mean?)
**329,412,932 (March 19, 2:56 EDT)
***11,200,039.382

Thursday, March 19, 2020

№ 816: We Regret To Inform You The Future Is Cancelled (a memo from the gods)


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(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

MOUNT OLYMPUS (March 18) —
Hello, you humans, wherever you are
it's tough what you’re going through
but tempus will fugit, it does what it does,
no matter what you do

We gave you humans an excellent shot
though we could foresee what you’d do
and now whether you're ready or not
it's time to bid adieu

We know how it feels when the future reveals
you haven’t a ghost of a chance
Nowhere to retreat, accept your defeat
You’ve danced your very last dance

You’ll die out, humans, like Neanderthals
who “ruled” the Earth before you
Each earthly species succumbs in the end
regardless whatever they do
Each earthly species succumbs in the end
even we immortals do

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

№ 815: The Cruel World


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(with apologies to Noel Paul Stookey and Paul Yarrow)


THE REAL WORLD (March 17) —
The real world's intruding,
Donnie's in a fright
His trite tweets don't matter,
nor do they smite
And since tweets don't matter,
he knows not what to do
which makes him madder
He's in a stew


Oh Donnie, oh Donnie,
you seem to forget
a virus can not heed
your petulant threat
It's an opponent
you can not shout down
as you would know
were you not a clown

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

№ 814: Donnie's Plan B


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(with apologies to Paul Francis Webster and Sammy Fain)
Uncertain times, uncertainty
I say there's no way you can pin a thing on me
Corona is Obama’s and the damned Dems’ fault
Meantime I’ll go hide in Fort Knox vault
Where nasty germs can’t get to me
and underground I can reign for eternity,
all safe (and secure) with those gold (and not iron) bars
and I'll pretend things are not as they are

Monday, March 16, 2020

№ 813: TIME (and Ides of March for us...and Donnie)


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(with apologies to Jerry Ragovoy and Norman Meade)

TOMORROW AND TOMORROW AND TOMORROW (March 15) —
Time's not on our side, no siree
Time's not on our side, no siree
Time will undo you, e-ven-tu-al-ly
We are goin' down
The plague's here in our town
causin' mass cas-u-al-ties, yeah

Time's not on our side, no siree
Time's not on our side, no siree
This time no TV show, it’s re-al-it-y
We are goin' down
The plague is back in town
bringin' mass cas-u-al-ties

Go ahead, Donnie, go ahead, tell us more lies
And, Donnie, do all your greasy, greedy heart desires
Remember, remember survivors will realize
that you, you in-com-pe-tent fool,
saw them as in-con-tin-ent tools
before your time on Earth (and FOX) expired, yeah

TIME ain't on your side, no siree
TIME ain't on your side, guarantee
So no more fake covers (your sick fan-ta-sy)
The virus runs amok (like CDC warned)
We're shit-out-of-luck (with you in charge)
You fat cat's ass tro-phy

Time, time, time’s not on our side, no it’s not, I said
Time, time, time’s not on your side, you shot your wad, I said
Time, time, time’s nobody's friend, no it's not