Friday, March 27, 2020

№ 822.2: EXTRA! Declaration of Trump Ascendance

WITHOUT CONGRESS (March 27, 2020)
The calamitous Declaration of the TRUMPS of America, 

When in the Coarse of Donald Trump’s rants, 
it becomes necessary for some people to dissolve, 
to die, to return the earth, to separate 
themselves from those who may profit by their demise
(profit to which the Laws of Nature
and of Nature's God entitle them), 
a disrespect for the facts and opinions of mankind requires 
that they should declare the causes 
which impel them to facilitate such separation.

We hold truth to be irrelevant:
if all men of European ancestry are created equal
(with some more equal than others), 
if they are endowed by their Creator 
(who, despite geographic confusion was European)
with certain unalienable Rights, 
if among these are Life, Liberty 
and the pursuit of Happiness Profits.
— That to secure these rights, 
Governments are instituted among Men, 
deriving their just powers 
from the consent of the governing,
— That whenever any Form of Government 
becomes destructive of these Profits, 
it is the Right of the Richest  
to alter or to abolish it, 
and to institute new Government, 
laying its foundation on such non-principles 
and organizing its powers in such form, 
as to them shall seem most likely 
to effect their Safety and Happiness Profits.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate 
that Governments long established 
should not be changed for light and transient causes
(except when there’s money to be made);
and accordingly all experience hath shewn, 
that mankind are more disposed to suffer 
while evils are sufferable, 
than to right themselves 
by abolishing the forms 
to which they are accustomed.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
the pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
the insolence of office, and the spurns
that patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
when he himself might his quietus make
with a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something after death,
the undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
no traveller returns, puzzles the will,
and makes us rather bear those ills we have
than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus Donald dictates destruction for us all,
but since the Dow's up, who cares?

№ 822.1: EXTRA! What's In A Name? (or Turandot is foreplay)

WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS (March 27) 
WHY DON'T we call it Donald Trump Virus”?
Even though that isn’t “fair”.
That is exactly what Donnie would do
if anyone else sat in his chair.

Dem or Republican, it would not matter,
he’d just need someone to blame.
Whether or not they were responsible
would not make a difference. To him it’s a game
of musical mouth-off where last speaker wins
and no one remembers his manifold sins.

№ 822: Mad As His March Hair Blowin' In The Wind


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(with apologies to Irving Berlin)

DAMN THE TORPEDOES (March 26) —
Regardless of the virus, Donnie is desirous
that we resume despite the doom and the charade
of him as presidential without a clue tangential
of what to do to respond to this crisis he's made

On the Avenue, Fifth Avenue, he, himself, will shoot you
intentionally and get off Scot-free
Oh, I could write a doggerel decrying his inaugural
and saying woe betide us for these crises he’s made

Thursday, March 26, 2020

№ 821: Universal Health Care (Liberty U. edition)

Jerry Falwell Jr defies calls for coronavirus closures and reopens Liberty University
Students invited back to Christian school as Falwell incorrectly said young people ‘don’t have conditions that put them at risk’

DREARER THY NEAR GOD TO ME (March 25) 
Here’s to the late Liberty U.
established to educate God’s chosen few
where dearth of diversity was seen as a plus.
(Best we keep out all unlike us.)

Knowing God was on their side,
devout Christians had no reason to hide 
from disease, 
for afterall what’s in a sneeze
that can’t be addressed with a hearty “God bless!”

Liberty U., in peace may it rest.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

№ 820: Faucian Bargain

Trump Has Given Unusual Leeway to Fauci, but Aides Say He’s Losing His Patience (Paywall)
The president has become increasingly concerned as Dr. Anthony S. Fauci has grown bolder in correcting his falsehoods about the spread of the coronavirus.


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TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES (March 24) —
Dr. Fauci, Dr. Fauci
don't you know, don't you know
facts are never proof, oh
lies are Donnie's truth so
take it slow, let him blow

Dr. Fauci, Dr. Fauci
hear our plea, hear our plea
You cannot just stand there,
correct his Wonderland there
we need thee, we need thee

Dr. Fauci, Dr. Fauci
Why oh why, why oh why
must you so unfaze him,
can you not just praise him,
let him lie, lest we die

Dr. Fauci, Dr. Fauci
badda-bing, badda-boom
the truth will get you fired
the rest of us expired
we are doomed, we are doomed

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

№ 819: Battle Plan

Trump signals change in coronavirus strategy that could clash with health experts
Trump tweeted late Sunday that the White House would ‘make a decision’ after 15-day period of social distancing ends

Writing in capital letters in a tweet late on Sunday, Donald Trump said: “We cannot let the cure be worse than the problem itself. At the end of the 15-day period” – of White House guidelines to enforce social distancing and other measures which began a week ago, on 16 March – “we will make a decision as to which way we want to go.”

HUNKERED IN THE BUNKER (March 23) 
I see myself as a general
sending his forces to war.
You have to accept acceptable losses.
That is what forces are for.
Wars can’t be won without battles,
you can't keep your troops safe at home.
Enemies must be confronted,
a general can’t do it alone.
Losses must be accepted
however many their scores.
Businesses must be protected.
That is what losses are for.

Monday, March 23, 2020

№ 818: Does Donnie Know Donnie Or What?

TAKING STOCK (March 22) 
MY STOCK MARKET CRASH?
GREATEST! EV-ER!
Greater than ’29.
MY GREAT DEPRESSION
will be an expression
of a similar, however, superior kind.
THE GREAT TRUMP PANDEMIC
will be more systemic 
than Black Death or Spanish Flu.
The SIZE. The GREATNESS. (The soft soap.)
Whatever I set my mind to I do.
No problem can stump me, I am a sump.
I compound. I. AM. TRUMP.