922: The Suburban Housewife's Guide To Donnie

 THE WAY IT SHOULD BE (August 13) — 

We must never be “nasty” to Donnie.

He is such a sensitive lad.

The teensiest bit of unfair appraisal

makes him incredibly SAD.

We must — all of us! — chant fulsome praises,

sing he's a helluva chap

and, of course, always assure him

contrary opinion is crap.

All that we do must aid and abet him.

If he wishes to grab us, then we must let him.

We must be young, demure, and pretty.

(Unlike the scum from the inner city.)

His sure (though small) hand will forever prevail

and we will live happily in his Handmaid's Tale

to know, love, and serve — dare we say adore? —

his head on a steak atop Mount Rushmore.

921: Donnie V Virus

 HERE ANOW (August 12) —

In this virus has Trump met his match?

It is as mindless as he.

Although it is in far better shape

and would prefer much less publicity.

It does not boast, it does not lie,

nor would it fondle a lady's … “thigh”.

It goes about doing its job.

(And, unlike him, has no ties to the mob.)

It is, let's just say, a great deal more reticent

and it would make a better president.

920: Germ Theory

LOOKOUT OUTLOOK (August 11) —

It was only in the late nineteenth century 

that we “discovered” what causes disease.

And yet today we obsess on “God Blessing”

when anyone near us happens to sneeze.

Here’s the thing about germs and us:

we lived together for many millennia.

Okay, they killed us (it was God’s will)

and we developed resistance until

we could kill them with injection or pill.

The final battle has now commenced.

There can be no truce since they have no sense.

And anyway there would be naught to discuss.

The Earth isn't big enough for both of us.

It's bound to be a fight to the end.

Given their numbers, I'd bet on them.

919: Vaccination Vexing Nation

THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN (August 10) —

What if we had vaccines safe and effective

and then our AMERICAN nutjob collective

said, “I am on to your devious plots

to mess with my bodily fluids.

It’s a free country. I know my rights

No way I’m gonna take it!

No way that you can make me!”?

Click

It’s Donnie’s World. He’s Looney Tunes,

saying, “We’ll see. Probably soon.”

918: Off The People, Buy The People, Fore! The People

BEAT THE CLOCK (August 9) —

Donnie “honestly” thinks he’s the good guy.

Which, while incredibly “SAD”[!],

serves to bolster the foregone conclusion

that he’s irredeemably mad.

This isn't simply acute Dunning-Kruger.

(Which, nonetheless, still applies.)

It's Donnie's total lack of awareness

from which all of the problems arise.

“A republic,” said Franklin, “if you can keep it.”

back in the day way back when

the Founding Fathers believed that we would.

Frankly, my dears, I doubt that we can.