№ 562.3: EXTRA! God And Boeing

How Boeing’s 737 MAX Failed
The plane’s safety systems, and how they were developed, are at the center of the aerospace giant’s unfolding crisis

WISHFUL THINK, March 29

There is no way of knowing
if God worked at Boeing
but, clearly, there are similarities.
Both treat engineering
as a veneering.
to cover up missing mortality.
If you spot a problem
rather than solve it
apply a quick fix
which does not resolve it.
This is why the world's such a hash
and also why a Boeing might crash.

[updated March 30, 2019 2:10 p.m.]
[updated March 30, 2019 11:22 a.m.]
[updated March 30, 2019 11:08 a.m.]
[updated March 29, 2019 11:57 p.m.]

№ 562.2: EXTRA! Brittle Little Britain

Republished from No. CLXII: My Weekly Reader revisited, September 23, 2017

LONDON, the recent past

Brexit

Rule Britannia

Britannia rule the Thames

even if it's just

from London to Gravesend

British Empire

№ 562.1: EXTRA! The Trumpire Strikes Back

Trump Boasts About Mueller Report, Jeers ‘Collusion Delusion’ at Rally

Hurls insults at Democrats, says rivals ‘tear up the fabric of American democracy’

The Mueller Report has three hundred pages. . .
every one says “NO COLLUSION”
which, as you know, all of FOX sages
said was the only conclusion
possible given the facts
which were not in dispute
despite Rachel Meadow's unfair attacks
(a lezzie to boot, she's not even cute),
she's so in the sack
with the Dems who condemn. . .
there's lotsa gay gals — maybe her “pals”? —
I could make normal, you know anti-abortion,
soon as I'm done with my Mueller distortion.)

[corrected 3/31/2019, 11:54 p.m.]

№ 562: Crystal Ball

REAL WORLD, March 28

When you look closely,

you see we're such jerks,

it hard to imagine

that anything works.

Why, for instance,

more cars don't crash

since our abilities

are so slapdash.

Could be our “settling” —

how we make-do —

is the secret ingredient

pulling us through?

Or is it our breeding,

our over producing

children, that prevents

our numbers reducing?

Optimist cite

Homo sapien pluck.

All that I see is

just pure dumb luck.

Call it this, call it that,

I have no doubt,

whatever it is,

it's running out.
Anthropology shows
we too shall pass.
WHATEVER WE DO.
You bet your ass.

№ 561.2 EXTRA! Christian View Of Sharia Law, Accentuate The Positive

Brunei brings in death by stoning as punishment for gay sex

From 3 April, people in the tiny south-east Asian kingdom will be subject to a draconian new penal code based on sharia law

Brunei is to begin imposing death by stoning as a punishment for gay sex and adultery from next week, as part of the country’s highly criticised implementation of sharia law.

REPUBLIC OF GILEAD, March 28

We know we're God's chosen

though there may be a flaw

in our opposition

to Sharia Law.

Stoning fags and adulterers

makes perfect sense

and would be commended

by VP Mike Pence.

But removing thieves' hands

strikes us as extreme

and would hurt the economy. . .

if you know what we mean.

With banning all alcohol,

we're fine and dandy,

but lay off our ciggies

and don't touch our candy.

Mass capital punishment

could cause a fuss,

but we're okay with prison

for all folks not us.

№ 561.1: EXTRA! Catholic Mom Dresses Down Notre Dame Coed Slackers

‘Think of the mothers of sons’: Notre Dame mom begs female students to stop wearing leggings, sparking protests (Paywall)

While attending mass at the University of Notre Dame last fall, Maryann White saw something that horrified her: Leggings.

A group of young women, all clad in tight, clingy Spandex and short tops, were sitting directly in front of her and her family.

“I thought of all the other men around and behind us who couldn’t help but see their behinds,” the self-described Catholic mother of four sons wrote in a letter to the editor that was published by the Observer, Notre Dame’s student newspaper, on Monday.

SOUTH BENT, March 28

God made men without controls.
Then He made women to save their souls.
Nun's habits for Catholic Babbitts.
Wear the hijab. That is your job.
When you're at Mass, don't show your ass.
Lest you destroy a good Catholic boy.
Show some respect. I thank God, at least
your tight young bod does not distract the priest.

[updated 3/28/2019, 8:14 a.m.]

№ 561: Pardons From Rose Garden (part the first?)

THE SWAMP, March 27

I’m fine with Mike Flynn — good guy, I like him.

His lying to Pence? I call that a whim.

Paul Manafort I would never sell short,

he was, in some ways, my closest cohort.

And dear Roger Stone, why need he atone?

With nothing admitted, he must be acquitted,

if a jury can't see it, I will decree it.

(Memo to Stone: Man, we're okay, relax.

But, please, not my face tattooed on your back

unless you are fixin’ to cover up Nixon’s —

it's not Dickie's face, it's more I need my space.)

№ 560.1: EXTRA! Bitcoin (now you see it, now you don't)

Nearly all Bitcoin trades are fake, apparently

Bitwise, a crypto-asset management firm, analyzed 81 exchanges, finding that 71 of them exhibited patterns that reflected artificial trading volume. . . .Although the exchanges in the study reported a combined $6 billion in daily volume during four days this month, Bitwise determined that only $273 million of it was real.

EREHWON, March 27

What, after all, is your Bitcoin:
an algorithmic invention.
Bitcoin can never have any worth
which I suspect is intentional.
All crypto-coins are meant to purloin
things of value conventional.
Things which exist in time and in space,
which are, in fact, three-dimensional.

Bitcoins are bits, just one's and nought's
somewhere in our electronical ether.
Bitcoins can only be sold and bought
if there's power to run your computer.
When electric goes out, they are wiped out.
But to be fair, they never were there.

If you desire not to be rolled,
take care and enfold your billfold.
And, if you can, stuff your mattress with gold.
Gold, history shows, is cold and embitters.
It does not buy contentment, but it, at least, glitters.

[updated 3/28/2019, 2:00 a.m.]

№ 560: Soliloquy by Donald J. Trump, Genius

Email subscribers click here.
THE SWAMP, March 26
What's the whole point of being king

if you can't have anyone shot? Or anything?

Why otherwise bother being great Cæsar

instead of another hole-cheating golf geezer?

Power is as power does.

And it is therein there lies the buzz,

knowing and glowing how you beat the fuzz.
You are free, invincible, beyond all control

to continue down Wonderland's deep-dark rabbit hole.

Free to feed your greedy need,

knowing now nothing can ever impede
your speed of descent.

'swhat Looie meant,

“Me, I AM the government.”

№ 559.1 EXTRA! The Turds Strike Back

Trump Officials Broaden Attack on Health Law, Arguing Courts Should Reject All of It (Paywall)

WASHINGTON — The Trump administration broadened its attack on the Affordable Care Act on Monday, telling a federal appeals court that it now believed the entire law should be invalidated.

THE SWAMP, March 26

Look. It is simple.

Must we explain?

Blocking Dem voters

is too great a strain.

Purging vote rolls

is never a crime,

but we can’t gerrymander

everywhere, every time.

Killing Obamacare

is better instead.

If we watch them real close,

Dems won’t vote if they’re dead.

We've promised repeal
in every campaign.
(May we say in addition,
“Up yours, John McCain!”)

№ 559: On Leadership (by Donald J. Trump, Genius)

(with apologies to Alec Wilder, Morty Palitz and Bill Engvick — AGAIN)

Email subscribers click here.

WASHINGTON, March 25

Kings are born to rule
Just like me
It's what they learn in school
Just like me

None can refuse
my royal command
I must not lose
That is my plan

Though I may someday
pass away
While I'm here you'll do
as I say

Will all the lies
I can devise
win the Nobel Prize
Wait and see

№ 558: The Devil They Don't Know or How Evangelicals See Trump (a secular perspective)

HELL, March 24

The Devil farms victims whom he seduces

with disarming and charming amusing abuses, always and only true to himself, while pretending to be somebody else: a hero, whom the gullible trust, leaving them saying, “He is of us. He's on our side. He shares our goal”, then, as a consequence, they lose their soul. Clods plod the sod cloven hooves trod, lucky for them there is no god.

№ 557.5: EXTRA! Bend It Like Brexit

Uri Geller urges mass-telepathy against Brexit

“Maybe I’m a bit too late but at least I’m trying my best to use my paranormal abilities, because I’m very concerned that Theresa May will step out of EU,” Geller told Reuters.

TEL AVIV, March 24

Uri, buddy, you are aware

telepathy's about as useful as prayer.

That said, this proves beyond a doubt

when it comes to reason Uri's still out.

№ 557.4: EXTRA! Trump: “Complete And Total” Misrepresentation

Mueller Doesn’t Find Trump Campaign Conspired With Russia

A summary of the special counsel’s report that Attorney General William Barr sent to Congress on Sunday found that while the report “does not conclude that the president committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him” on the question of obstruction of justice.

Speaking to reporters in Florida on Sunday before boarding Air Force 1, Mr. Trump called the findings a “complete and total exoneration.”

WASHINGTON, March 24

The record will show beyond dispute

the serpent never gave Eve any fruit.

№ 557.3: EXTRA! Report Card Time

Robert Mueller’s Report on Trump-Russia Probe Delivered to Attorney General Barr

WASHINGTON, March 22

...ultimately it will be up to Congress to decide whether any of the facts about Mr. Trump uncovered by Mr. Mueller constitute an impeachable offense.

Mueller is coming.

Trump is running scared.

Michael Pence is hoping

Donald won't be spared,

praying to his God

that sometime after Lent,

Donald will be gone

and he'll be president.

№ 557.2: EXTRA! A New Revelation Revealed (Really!)

Pompeo says God may have sent Trump to save Israel from Iran

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has said it is "possible" that President Donald Trump was sent by God to save Israel from Iran.

WASHINGTON, March 23

This just in. And it's truly stunning.

Trump is revealed as the second (first?) coming,

come to save Israel from evil Iran

Syria, Qatar and Pakistan.

Actually anywhere Muslims are found

but since Muslims hate dogs, not the dog pound

where all things Trump do tend to go

since none has the ever been judged “best in show”.

Therefor, if one is hunting for witches,

one only need look where these sons of bitches

congregate, salivate, dementedly fulminate:

“We've told you a thousand times if we've told you once,

Trump is the chosen one, Gott ist mit uns.”

[corrected 3/22/2019, 10:30 pm EDT]

№ 557.1: EXTRA! Without (additional) Rhyme — REALLY!

Trump Reverses Additional North Korea Sanctions Announced a Day Ago

President’s announcement via Twitter surprised U.S. officials who had described sanctions as modest but necessary steps

“President Trump likes Chairman Kim and he doesn’t think these sanctions will be necessary,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said Friday, shortly after Mr. Trump’s tweet.

Email subscribers click here.

№ 557: You Know What You Can Do With Your Garbage (a message from The People.s Republic Of China)

As Costs Skyrocket, More U.S. Cities Stop Recycling (Paywall)

With China no longer accepting used plastic and paper, communities are facing steep collection bills, forcing them to end their programs or burn or bury more waste.


Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Jack Rhodes and Dick Reynolds)

BEIJING, March 21

We don't want your old newspapers
pizza boxes plastic spoons
You can't us what to do
you gross Trumped-up poltroon
We'll build our own world trading
scheme and colonize the moon 
while you wallow in your garbage
you big fat fake tycoon

This is gonna to be our era
it's a fact that China's back
and we will not be faked out
by a loud mouth Trump attack
You now owe us all your money
so we're gonna be just fine
We'll let you pay us slowly
but you better pay on time.

№ 556: High Nunes (shoots foot at the YouTube Corral?)

Goats, cows and Devin Nunes' mom: how a Republican's Twitter lawsuit backfired

In the lawsuit against Twitter and a handful of users, the California Republican claims to be the victim of vicious internet trolls....

WASHINGTON, March 20
(with apologies to Sir John Suckling)

Why so pale and wan, dear Devin?

Prithee, why so pale?

Pretty please, do not tell me

thy ego is so frail.

Prithee, why so pale?

Why thy silly suit, dear Devin?

Prithee, why thy suit?

Being friend to Murdoch's FOX,

thou know'st truth is moot.

Prithee, why thy suit?

Knock it off, thou gormless fool,

thou sniveling Trump toady,

thou dumb-ass bigot, alt-right tool,

thou sad Wile E. Coyote.

If thou construe that insult be,

I invite thee: come sue me.

№ 555: My Budget Buy The Иumbers (by Donald J. Trump, Genius)

Trump Budget Relies on Up to $1.2 Trillion in Potentially Phantom Revenues

Up to $390 billion comes from taxes created by the Affordable Care Act, which president wants to repeal

Trump’s budget blueprint for the next decade relies on up to $1.2 trillion in revenue that might not materialize.

The budget assumes the government will collect as much as that amount between 2020 and 2029 from taxes the administration opposes or from scheduled tax increases that are likely to draw strong business opposition. The $1.2 trillion estimate comes from the Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget, an independent bipartisan nonprofit.

The numbers don’t add up.

As even I can see.

But, of course, such small details

don't mean a thing to me.

I am, you know, a bankrupt.
I corrupt democracy.

Vlad made it my feudal fief.
(Am I not beyond belief?)

I'm Donald Trump. I eat Big Macs.

I give Liberals heart attacks.

If the Dems get in my way,

“Release the Kraken,” I will say.
I'm looking for the least excuse
to turn my (WELL-ARMED) legions loose.

I can start a civil war.

This stupid job is such a bore,
Boring stuff I do not need.
(Like that crap I “need” to read
that gets me feeling apoplectic.)
Some folks tell me I'm dyslexic.
But that's FAKE NEWS I have to say.
Why won't the Times see things my way?
Might stop them failing then because
that's what Rupert's Journal does.

№ 554: Trump, No Racist He (a pome by Donald J. Trump, Genius)

I have never been a racist.

Just ask anyone.

Go and ask my (current) wife.

My daughters or my sons.

Ask anyone who's worked for me —

except rat-fink Michael Cohen

who was to me as Judas was to. . .

you see where I'm goin'?

If Fred, my father, were still here,

you could ask him. Without fear,

he's stand before you and you'd see

he was not completely Nazi.

I love yellows. I love browns.

(Those who aren't Demo clowns.)

I love Hispanics. I love THE BLAXS.

(Those who aren't FAKE NEWS hacks.

And between me and you

those few without a low IQ,

the favored few with brains to see

how smart it is to worship me.)

I love Americans! 

Okay? Alright? 

If they're born here

and they're white.

When it comes to push and shove,
are there people I don't love?
Well, a few. Indians. Maybe.
Whose casinos run successfully.

№ 553: The Hollow Men

(with apologies to T. S. Eliot)

Mr. Trump-he said.

A kopek for the tie guy.

V

Thumbs galumphing goes Donald Trump

Donald Trump Donald Trump

Thumbs galumphing goes Donald Trump

Tweeting at five in the morning.

Between the idea

And the venality

Between the demolition

And the Act V finality

Lie follows lie

For this is the Abyss

Between the corruption

And the causation

Between the self-promotion

And the crowd's adulation

Lie follows lie

This wood be king

Between the conspiracy

And the chasm

Between the frequency

And the excrescence

Between the pretense

And the descent

Lie follows lie

For this is the Abyss

The hollow

“Conservative”

GOP submissive

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends

With this execrable pimple.

№ 552: Waiting For Nomenclature

TIME, forever, is out of joint.

Which, if you’re TIME, is precisely your point.

TIME doesn't care what you think or like:

TIME is, in fact, rather catlike.

Could be, for all that, TIME is a cat.

TIME doesn't march, TIME mostly meanders.

TIME does not wait for hapless bystanders.

It rushes, it dawdles, it stops, it erodes —

given TIME to itself, TIME often implodes,

collapsing, when apt, into TIME elapsed.

TIME is to space as space is to TIME.

TIME is to life as life is betimes —

entwined, dependent, admixed and blended.

TIME can never be comprehended.

The edge of a knife is TIME's adage for life.

At end of play, TIME leaves nowhere to hide.

Though you sing the song, TIME is NOT on your side.

 Time after time

The question of whether time moves in a loop or a line has occupied human minds for millennia. Has physics found the answer? 

Does the Universe repeat itself in space or time? Or are we barrelling endlessly forward, never to repeat this moment or arrangement of matter, never to retrace our steps?