Friday, September 29, 2017

No. CLXVII: Gimme That (VERY) Ol' Time Religion

With religion as with money, bad drives out the good.

I put to you,
Muslim, Christian and Jew,
YOU have got it all wrong.
The chaos we see
could never be
created by ONE, however headstrong.

It was not creation,
but perturbation
that set the universe ticking.
Believe what you will,
in the end, still,
we're all of us in for a licking.

You say, “Give it a rest,
you atheist-, Hindu- or Buddha-pest.
What we believe is THE TRUTH.”
Well that may be
but what you show me
is hardly what I would call proof.

More self-hypnosis.
(Dare I say psychosis?)
Illusion raised to delusion.
Your attempt (in vain)
to avoid the pain
of living amidst the confusion.

What are the odds
the multiple gods
our ancestors so long agreed on
are not as true
as the ONE (for Christians plus two)
you monotheists insist on?

UPDATED: September 29, 2017, 6:26 p.m. EDT. Earlier version misspelled perturbation.

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Thursday, September 28, 2017

No. CLXVI.i: EXTRA! You Con, Icon

When they say:
Celebrating our heritage is not about hate.
It's respecting heros and history of our Southern states.

Reply:
If you insist on statutory “religion”,
jim dandy, we'll send you all of our pigeons.

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No. CLXVI: Memo To Bernie, Rand, et. al.

Sometimes believers get mad at their God
when she does not do as they wish.
Atheists, also, get mad at theirs.
(Because she doesn't exist.)

It is universal to wish things were “better”
and blame and complain 'cuz they ain't
but dreaming of “better”, I've got to say,
is something I find rather quaint.

When you strive to improve circumstances,
attempt to reverse the adverse,
most of the time, despite your intentions,
you succeed in making things worse.

For reasons unfathomable,
things are as they are.
The fault, my dear Brutuses,
IS in our stars.


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Wednesday, September 27, 2017

No. CLXV.i: EXTRA!: 1984 (Again)


US President Donald Trump has deleted several tweets endorsing a candidate he backed in an Alabama election after he crashed to defeat on Tuesday.

There is no tellin'
just how Orwellian
Resident Lump is gonna act.
Erasing tweets
demonstrating defeats
does not hide the fact
that his choice was rejected
another selected,
who matter of fact's even worse.
Does this mean that the racists
who make up his bases
consider his blessing a curse?

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No. CLXV: Arroz Con Any Other Pollo

Trump is the White House RESIDENT.
(I'll not sully history by calling him president.)
I propose
(holding my nose),
'til he's out on his rump
he's called Cæsar Trump.

Great Cæsar's ghost!
He could be descended.
He is orange, Julius.
(No offense intended.)

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Tuesday, September 26, 2017

No. CLXIV.i: EXTRA! As Luck Would Have It

WaPo: North Korea taps GOP analysts to better understand Trump and his messages (Paywall)

North Korean government officials have been quietly trying to arrange talks with Republican-linked analysts in Washington, in an apparent attempt to make sense of President Trump and his confusing messages to Kim Jong Un’s regime.

President Lump would start a war
thinking that's what armies are far.
Fortunately (?) grown-ups in the room
report to not him but to Kim Jong Un.

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No. CLXIV: NFL Today


By now, we know the routine. When Mr. Trump is flailing, he creates a battle between himself and a celebrity – a tempest in a teapot to divert attention from, say, the literal tempest that nearly swallowed Puerto Rico, and his dereliction of duty in addressing it. In the past, Mr. Trump has attacked Mika Brzezinski, Meryl Streep and others to try to change the subject from catastrophes he either created or failed to remedy.

Donald's reaction
is a distraction
disguising his flailing
faction's inaction

putrefaction he is
this “man of action”
add subtraction
end the transaction

fine people” defend
vile traitors' statues
marching with Nazis while
screaming “Sieg heil”

but anyone silently “taking a knee” 
is taking too great a liberty
and therefore must bid football adieu
PHEW

show me I'm wrong
I'll print a retraction
until then
Aux armes citoyens


Monday, September 25, 2017

No. CLXIII.ii: EXTRA! Graham-Cassidy GOP Score


The Congressional Budget Office released a partial analysis of the latest GOP bill late Monday, concluding the number of people with comprehensive health coverage would be “reduced by millions.” The CBO also estimated that by 2026, the bill would cut about $1 trillion in Medicaid spending, resulting in millions of people being left out of the program.

under our plan
millions of citizens
would lose health coverage
says CBO

DUH! CBO
why you don't get it
killing folks off
is the way to go

we plan to fund tax cuts
with billions and trillions
that would be wasted
keeping lower
(and middle)
class riff-raff alive
without healthcare they
won't live to retire
not a big deal
our donors will thrive 
(and we survive)

[updated September 26, 2017, 2:07 a.m.]

No. CLXIII.i: EXTRA! Full A Stern?


Donald Trump thinks Ivanka “looks down on me,” concedes he has groped Melania in public, knows his compulsive handwashing “could be a psychological problem” and once suggested deploying sleeping gas on planes to deter terrorists, according to a new archive of all the conversations he had on air with The Howard Stern Show.

See above Newsweek article for the best bits
of Howie'n'Donny's all time greatest hits
including fan faves where he raves
how he's soooo sexy.

CAUTION: may cause Christians apoplexy.

No. CLXIII: A Trump Letter To Kim (English to Korean to English via google translate)

Dear fellow Dear Leader,

I write on a whim.
And, by the way,
may I call you “Dear Kim”?

I propose that we pool our resources:
your nukes and missiles and my golf courses.
This combination, my dear Rocket Man,
would end our strife and maybe Iran
would want to join us. What do you think?
After all, they and I don't ever drink.

How would this work, I hear you asking.
I don't know, I leave details to sub-contractor tasking.
(Then I do sneaky things to delay them
and at the end I never pay them.)

I propose one Korea with you in charge
with gas SUV's in every garage.
Under my plan you will not need to attack,
I'll give you the South. Trust me, I'll have your back.

All that I would like in exchange
is permission the landscape (slightly) to change.
An ENORMOUS golf course, a sight to behold:
the Korean peninsula gilded in gold.

It will be beautiful, I guarantee.
Nearly as pretty as Ivanka and me.
It's a great opportunity, so come on jump on.
You, me...I-van-ka?!

Your friend,
Donald John

[Google Translate: English - Korean]


친애하는 동료 여러분,

나는 변덕에 쓴다.
그리고, 그런데,
"친애하는 김"이라고 불러도 될까요?

저는 우리가 자원을 모으라고 제안합니다.
핵무기와 미사일, 그리고 골프 코스.
친애하는 로켓맨,
우리의 투쟁과 아마이란을 끝낼 것입니다.
우리와 함께하고 싶습니다. 어떻게 생각해?
어쨌든 그들은 나와 마시는 것을하지 않습니다.

이게 어떻게 작동할까요?
나도 모르겠다. 나는 하도급업자에게 세부 사항을 맡긴다.
(그런 다음 나는 그들을 비틀기 위해 비열한 일을한다.
결국 나는 돈을 지불하지 않습니다.)

내가 너에게 책임을 맡은 한 한국을 제안한다.
모든 차고에 가스 SUV가 있습니다.
내 계획에서 당신은 공격 할 필요가 없습니다.
나는 당신에게 남쪽을 줄 것이다. 날 믿어, 내가 너를 갖자.

내가 교환하고 싶은 모든 것
허락 (경미하게) 변화하는 허락이다.
열성적인 골프 코스, 볼 광경 :
한반도는 황금빛으로 금을 내었다.

그것은 아름답습니다. 나는 보장합니다.
Ivanka와 나만큼 거의 예쁘다.
좋은 기회이기 때문에 점프하십시오.
너 ... 나 ... I-van-ka?!

네 친구,
도널드 존

[Google Translate: Korean - English]


Dear colleagues,

I write to whim.
And, by the way,
May I call “Dear Kim”?

I suggest we collect resources.
Nuclear weapons and missiles, and golf courses.
Dear Rocketman,
Our struggle and maybe Iran will end.
I want to be with you. What do you think?
Anyway they do not drink with me.

How does this work?
I do not know. I give details to the subcontractor.
Then I do mean things to twist them.
In the end, I do not pay.)

I suggest a Korea where I am responsible for you.
Every garage has a gas SUV.
In my plan, you do not have to attack.
I will give you south. Trust me, I'll have you.

Everything I want to exchange
Permission (slightly) Permission to change.
Enthusiastic Golf Course, Ball sight:
The Korean Peninsula was gold in gold.

It is beautiful. I guarantee.
Ivanka and I are almost as pretty.
Please jump because it is a good opportunity.
You ... I ... I-van-ka ?!

Your friend,
Donald John

Sunday, September 24, 2017

No. CLXII.i: EXTRA! Hearsay Heresy

Chicago Tribune: Conservative Roman Catholic theologians accuse pope of spreading heresy (Paywall)
In a 25-page letter delivered to Francis last month and provided Saturday to The Associated Press, the 62 signatories issued a "filial correction" to the pope — a measure they said hadn't been employed since the 14th century.
I have read that Vatican inhabitants say, 
In the Church, we think in centuries.”
"Indeed!" I would say if they this said to me. 
None of them recent, from what I can see.”