№ 832: Light At The End Of The Funnel

TOMORROW (April 9) —

THE GOOD NEWS is we survive the virus

and continue ruling the Earth,

believing, as ever, Man is the measure

of precisely what everything’s worth.

After a while we return to the “norm”  

(destroying the seas, polluting the air) 

doubtless we’ll be in excellent form 

(extincting species, without a care

in the world so long as there's profit).

It’s what we do. We cannot stop it.

From the planet's perspective it's true but sad:

our “good” news is actually “bad”.

№ 831: Concession à la Sanders

GOING NOWHERE IN VERMONT (APRIL 8) —

Email subscribers click here.

№ 830: Who Was Not That Masked Man?

NOW IT CAN BE TOLD (April 7) —

3M N95 Respirator

Reason why Donnie will not wear a mask?

Well, that is personal. BUT, since you ask . . .

Germs, as you know, leave him sorely afraid.
(Which he forgets when he wants to get laid.)

One would suppose he could cover his nose . . .

but his mouth? Never! To that he’s opposed.

His reason? Simple. A far greater fear:

that even 3M's N95 gear

would utterly fail, go totally south,

destroyed by the lies that flow from his mouth.

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Note to email subscribers: For reasons unclear, a link embedded in Monday's EXTRA! (№ 828.1 EXTRA! If It Quacks Like A Trump) did not work in email edition. To view original click here. This should work. Unfortunately, there is no way to test in advance. THE DAILY DOGGEREL® apologies for any inconvenience.

№ 829: Jared (an appreciation)

THE BEAST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS (April 6) —

JARED IS a super hero.

He gave us Middle East peace.

Any ability he doesn't “own”,

you may be sure he can borrow or lease.

Remember how he solved infrastructure

and never dirtied his hands?

How he simplified government structure,

doing away with all legal demands?

Jared rules the Department of Justice,

though he is not a lawyer.

Jared can stick his nose anywhere

because he married the boss's daughter.

Jared fixed the NAFTA imbalance,

so now trade with Mexico's fair.

(Even though nothing much changed,

but, happily, Donnie remains unaware.)

Jared (totally) froze Christie out

of the administration

to which all America applauded as one

so show their appreciation.

Jared is in charge of THE WALL

and overall immigrant policy

even though — how can I put it? —-

his history is rather  George Wallacey.

Jared is, by far, Donnie's favorite.

After all, Ivanka's a girl.

To be fair, compared to Eric and Junior,

Jared seems like a pearl.

Jared will cure coronavirus.

This will assure that the Trump empire is

in perfect position for reelection.

(Ignoring US's Greatest Depression.)

Jared is brilliant, forthright, and brave.

What might he accomplish once he starts to shave?

№ 828.1 EXTRA! If It Quacks Like A Trump

AS IT HAPPENS (April 6) —

Click

№ 828: Remembered In Their Preyers

The rightwing Christian preachers in deep denial over Covid-19's danger

A number of American religious leaders have endangered their flock by holding services – and by claiming the virus can be defeated by faith in God

Kenneth Copeland, a Texas-based “prosperity gospel” preacher who once defended his ownership of three private jets on the grounds that commercial flights would require him to “get in a long tube with a bunch of demons”, told viewers of his Victory Channel in early March that coronavirus was a “weak” strain of the flu, and that fearing the pandemic was a sin.

From Montana, Chuck Baldwin – a pastor, former politician and purveyor of conspiracy theories about “Zionist influence” in the media – left the question of whether the virus was a hoax open in an online sermon.

Meanwhile, even where they disagree about the virus, religious leaders have found common ground on one subject: the importance of fundraising.

HEAVEN UNEARTHED (April 5) — 

THIS “PLAGUE” is God's judgment upon the wicked.

Or it would be, if it existed.

To us Christian folks, it is a hoax

concocted by those who consider us jokes.

We'll laugh with Jesus as each of them croaks.

THE Christian mission is faith imposition.

When we are in advantageous position,

we berate Satans (all those who oppose us)

just like Jesus when he opposed Moses

and started his schism to end Judaism

and to confront pagan rationalism

practiced by Greeks —  even some Romans,

taking a break from reading omens.

Our minds confined to dungeons and prisons,

we preach irrational superstitions

constructed of squirrely unlikelihoods.

We have more nots than we have shoulds.

Jesus is Savior. Faith is our bastion.

Where there's a prophet we quickly cash in.

Which, truth to tell, is really our passion.