Friday, June 8, 2018

№ 352: President Trump (a FOX appraisal)

He is “smart”.
He is “healthy”.
He is super rich.
He's won (and lost) lots of simoleons.
His diet, as you know, consists
of taco and Big Mac Napoleons.
His crowds are the biggest,
his words are the best,
he is guaranteed
to pass every test,
he's a glorious sight
whether dressed or undressed,
there's more hair on his head
than on King Kong's chest,
with him as our leader
the U.S. is blessed. . .
there is just 
no controlling him.
Which is why 
we must keep extolling him.

In the sack he's 
as radioactive
as the combined stack of 
Iran's and Kim's plutonium.
In his relations
with other nations
he is more disruptive
than a skillion eruptive
massive volcanoes Strombolian.

Has there ever been 
anyone more Capitolian?
If he's taken away
it will cause pandemonium.

Such a treasure is he

that after he's dead
they'll add a wing 
at The Smithsonian.
Though Heaven forfend
that happening soon
before he builds his
mausoleum, 
a pyramid on the moon
inlaid with golden linoleum
and covered with coal 
soaked in petroleum.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

№ 351: Evolution, Creation (Whatever)

Has civilization undone the bit
where evolution favors the fit
and gifted us with a surfeit nitwits?
What ever happened to natural selection?
Shouldn't it head in the other direction?

BUT, if everything's down to creation,
perhaps the creator needs a vacation
or, worse, took up the wrong occupation,
for which, sadly, he's badly equipped
and daily requires reassurance and worship.

Or is LIFE more luck of the draw,
depending entirely on who draws which straw?

IT is what it is. For better. For worse.
Each of us lives in his own universe.
Which explains everything, finely and clearly:
You tell me your TRUTH, I say, “Oh! Really?

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

№ 350.3: EXTRA! Riddle Me This

I'm warm, I'm sensitive, I'm comfy-cozy
and almost as pleasant as the Mafiosi
bosses I dealt with when I did construction
before devoting myself to Justice obstruction.
And one more little hint that is not an illusion:
I had nothing to do with any collusion.

№ 350.2: EXTRA! The Red Queen Lives!

USA Today: Why Trump doesn't just fire Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Yes, the Senate has something to do with it.

The absence of Federal inter-branch congeniality
is because Donald would much rather rule by decree.
He's much better suited to a time when instead
of cutting a deal he could cut off a head.

№ 350.1: EXTRA! Collusion Coarse


Trump tweeted in reply:

Best great legal scholars agree
that as president
I could pardon me.
Not that I need to.
Definitely.
I am not guilty.
It wasn't me.
Not my fault Russia
colluded with me.

№ 350: What Will Donald Do?

USA TodayTrump says he can pardon himself in Mueller inquiry

Donald believes at end of day
he can, indeed, have it his way.
If he is monarchical,
both courts and Congress'll
really have nothing to say.

NOT only is he chaotic,
tending toward the despotic.
Those loose lips and broad hips
could birth apocalypse.
He is that idiotic.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

№ 349.2: EXTRA! Fumble In The End Zone

USA Today: Man takes knee during national anthem at Donald Trump's White House ceremony

WASHINGTON -- Instead of welcoming the Philadelphia Eagles to the White House on Tuesday, President Donald Trump held an event to celebrate America and play the national anthem.

And, according to video and a photo posted to social media, at least one of the attendees at that celebration decided to take a knee.


Ah yes, I remember it well
how Donald destroyed the USFL*.
Now that little pig from that little league
wants to take down the whole NFL.
Though NFL owners aid and abet him,
with billions at stake I doubt that they'll let him.
___________
*In 1985, the USFL voted to move from a spring to a fall schedule in 1986 to compete directly with the NFL. This was done at the urging of New Jersey Generals majority owner Donald Trump and a handful of other owners as a way to force a merger between the leagues. As part of this strategy, the USFL filed an anti-trust lawsuit against the National Football League in 1986, and a jury ruled that the NFL had violated anti-monopoly laws. However, in a victory in name only, the USFL was awarded a judgment of just $1, which under anti-trust laws, was tripled to $3. This court decision effectively ended the USFL's existence. The league never played the 1986 season, and by the time it folded, it had lost over US$163 million. — Wikipedia

№ 349.1: EXTRA! Alexa. . .

New York Post: This baby’s first word was ‘Alexa’

Alexa's primary mission
is to respond when you petition.
Would you think it odd
if she decides she's a god
and thereafter ceases to listen?

№ 349: The Wildebeest And The Lion (plus Donald)

Said the wildebeest to the lion,
“Today the savanna is fryin'”
The lion replied,
“Wouldn't be if you died,”
and he ordered a glass of red wine.

Trump says he's the very top rung,
“I'm rich. I'm smart. I'm well hung.”
He may get us all dead
because in his head
instead of a brain there is dung.

Monday, June 4, 2018

№ 348.1: EXTRA! Words, Words, Words (scrambling Willie — or won't she)

Too Bee ornate too Bee, Samantha the question:
Wither tits no blur (never mind) to surf o'er
the stings and a rose of outrage us for shun,
oar two stake harms (again) Aussie off bubbles
and buy apposing anthem. Today — to schlep,
no mare; and bye a schlep José we tend
the head-aches and ten thousand lateral schmucks
that flashes hairdo: ’tis a constipation
the voters too dismiss. Today, to schlep;
to schlep, purchase two dram — high, there’s the flub:
foreign that schlep of dearth what drams may comb,
wan we half-shuffled of this moral curl,
must give us paws — there’s no respect
that makes Cal amity of so long life.
Four Hugh wood bare the wimps and horns of slime,
The hair dresser's schlong, the proud mom’s cun timely?
The fangs of despis’d guv, coleslaw’s decay?
The in-soiled lance of orifice, and the spins
that Sarah Sanders th’unworried makes,
banshee herself mighty unquiet us take
with her bear bod skin? Who wood far dells bare 
to grunt and sweat underwear weary life,
butt that the dread of some thing after dearth,
the under-gated cun-tree, from those porn
no sniveler rat turns, muzzles the pill
and maxes rat her bare tho stills we love
then fly to otters that weave no knot of?
Thus con-science doze take cow herds love us Saul,
ailanthus the nay-thieves who of prostitution
is sick all or wit the kale past of drought,
hand entered prizes of grate piss and mo’ mint
wit disregard their co-rents turn away
and loose the name of faction. 

Compare

№ 348: Personal History III

In principle, I'm vegetarian.
I consider meat eating barbarian,
albeit I cheat and daily eat meat:
chunks of chicken, turkey, goose, duck and pork
walk their last mile to my mouth on a fork.
Beef, deer, goat, lamb — once kangaroo.
I also eat fish and shellfish, too.
I tried alligator — yes, it tastes like tough chicken —
and my conscience was slightly stricken.
Now drum roll please, the big reveal:
I draw a line. I do not eat veal.
And when I eat fish, I say off with its head.
Don't want to know what it looked like before it was dead,
an accusative eye left staring up from the plate,
reminding me I the rest of it ate.

My diet aside, I think meat eating wrong
but I have descended from an awfully long
line of ancestor carnivores.
And, let us face it, all vegans are bores.
(Also, eating vegetables only
is awfully hard and gets very lonely.)

This gross hypocrisy is, you say, truly prodigious
like politicians who pretend they're religious.
I do see your point. Unfortunately.
And to be honest, I'm inclined to agree.
But, were rôles reversed I believe, do you see,
that what I eat would gladly eat me
there being little cross species morality.

[corrected 6/4/2018 3:15 pm]