№ 887.2: EXTRA! Trump This

Outrage mounts over report Russia offered bounties to Afghanistan militants for killing US soldiers

Fierce response from top Democrats after US intelligence finding was reportedly briefed to Trump in March, but the White House has yet to act

The Times wrote: “The intelligence finding was briefed to Trump, and the White House’s National Security Council discussed the problem at an interagency meeting in late March.” White House officials apparently drew up several possible options to retaliate against the Kremlin, ranging from a diplomatic reprimand right through to fresh sanctions. However, the White House has so far not taken any action.

FUN FACT (June 27) — 

Let’s all calm down and look at the facts:

all soldiers targeted were Democrats.

Vlad, when I asked him, immediately said,

“Sold-yers doan foat forr hue, bet-her hoff dead*.”

Vlad is making our country GREATER,

showing me how to be a dictator.

_______________

*Солдаты не голосуют за вас, лучше умереть

№ 887.1: EXTRA! A Believer Unmasked

PERSPECTIVE (June 26) —

I see no reason to put on a mask.

Republican Christian, you see.

I believe Jesus and Donnie

are able to forever protect me.

So, even though the far left conspires 

with all of our enemies — one-celled and many —

envious of our freedom and plenty,

I will never consider donning a mask.

(Though maybe I would if Donnie should ask.)

Without Donnie and Jesus and QAnon

we'd be exposed. We'd be overrun.

THEY'd take our guns.

THEY'd make us sick.

But they can't do that.

Donnie's too slick.

Donnie is so exceedingly clever,

it'd be GREAT if he ruled forever.

Or, at the least, until I die

and go to Jesus up in the sky.

After which, though I still wish him well,

let Donnie return to his father in hell.

№ 887: EX-PLAN-NATION

PRESENT TENSE (June 25) —

Dunning-Kruger is when you believe you know all there was ever to know.

Dunning-Kruger is the mistaken belief you won the ribbon for Best In Show.

Dunning-Kruger is having a brain that galumphs.

Dunning-Kruger explains Donald J. Trump.

№ 886: Bumbling On The Hobbes

THE WAY WE ARE NOW (June 24) —

Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, short.

That's how life used to be.

You could get “et” by a lion or tiger

if you were not an Austral aborigine.

Then we got civilized and, thereby, fixed everything.

Well, I guess, more or less.

Life on the hole is less short, less lonely.

“Poor, brutish, nasty”? Oh well. If only.

№ 885: The All-Star Position

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(with apologies to Jack Norworth and Albert Von Tilzer)

AMERICA'S PAST TIME (June 23) —

I say, “Cancel the season.” 

I don't wanna “Play ball!”

I love the game. (And, of course, the fame.)

But I'm too young to die and after all

I’ve got a guaranteed contract

so I get paid all the same.

But if I get sick and I die,

that’s the whole ball game.

№ 884: The Market Is Us

MIRROR MIRROR (June 22) —

The market has always been senile,

  it can not remember the past.

It lives in the moment, knowing only today,

  it can not learn “the good times” can’t last.

When it insists, “Everything's swell!”

  somebody, somewhere, is failing.

It doesn't care. Thinking it should

  has proved, let's just say — at best! — unavailing.

It's all smoke and mirrors, a disordered dream,

 a confusing illusion, a grand Ponzi scheme.

And no, I am sorry, there is no solution.

It's how life works. Cf. evolution.

№ 883: Gilt By Association (or like Vaterland like son and grandson)

EXPLAIN AWAY (June 21) —

There is nothing for breakfast that I find finer

than pancakes made by MY Aunt Jemima.

Abraham Lincoln. Like me, a Republican.

Not many people know that.

What with his seizing citizens’ property,

I figured him for a Democrat.

Big deal, ABRAHAM! You “freed” a few “slaves”.

’Sme made Juney-teenth famous.

’Slike like we whites got too no “Negros”

by listening to Andy and Amos.

My dad, Fred Trump, “liked” die Amerikadeutscher Volksbund

because he was fond of das Vaterland.

There is, however, NO PROOF WHATSOEVER

that daddy or I joined the Ku Klucking Klan.

China's too blame for Kung Influenza

and Hussein Obama was born in Kenya.
“Rule of Law”? For losers and fools.
A strongman rules using whatever tools.

I cudda slud down that ramp at the Point,

but it wudda been SAD if I fell

on account of my shiny slippery soul

and, well, since I’m goin' t' hell . . .

hell, truth to tell, 'swhere I belong

and when I take the country along

it'll be swell. In fact, on the level . . .

made a GREAT deal with my grandpa, the devil.