Friday, September 29, 2017

No. CLXVII: Gimme That (VERY) Ol' Time Religion

With religion as with money, bad drives out the good.

I put to you,
Muslim, Christian and Jew,
YOU have got it all wrong.
The chaos we see
could never be
created by ONE, however headstrong.

It was not creation,
but perturbation
that set the universe ticking.
Believe what you will,
in the end, still,
we're all of us in for a licking.

You say, “Give it a rest,
you atheist-, Hindu- or Buddha-pest.
What we believe is THE TRUTH.”
Well that may be
but what you show me
is hardly what I would call proof.

More self-hypnosis.
(Dare I say psychosis?)
Illusion raised to delusion.
Your attempt (in vain)
to avoid the pain
of living amidst the confusion.

What are the odds
the multiple gods
our ancestors so long agreed on
are not as true
as the ONE (for Christians plus two)
you monotheists insist on?

UPDATED: September 29, 2017, 6:26 p.m. EDT. Earlier version misspelled perturbation.

Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.

Thursday, September 28, 2017

No. CLXVI.i: EXTRA! You Con, Icon

When they say:
Celebrating our heritage is not about hate.
It's respecting heros and history of our Southern states.

Reply:
If you insist on statutory “religion”,
jim dandy, we'll send you all of our pigeons.

Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.

No. CLXVI: Memo To Bernie, Rand, et. al.

Sometimes believers get mad at their God
when she does not do as they wish.
Atheists, also, get mad at theirs.
(Because she doesn't exist.)

It is universal to wish things were “better”
and blame and complain 'cuz they ain't
but dreaming of “better”, I've got to say,
is something I find rather quaint.

When you strive to improve circumstances,
attempt to reverse the adverse,
most of the time, despite your intentions,
you succeed in making things worse.

For reasons unfathomable,
things are as they are.
The fault, my dear Brutuses,
IS in our stars.


Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

No. CLXV.i: EXTRA!: 1984 (Again)


US President Donald Trump has deleted several tweets endorsing a candidate he backed in an Alabama election after he crashed to defeat on Tuesday.

There is no tellin'
just how Orwellian
Resident Lump is gonna act.
Erasing tweets
demonstrating defeats
does not hide the fact
that his choice was rejected
another selected,
who matter of fact's even worse.
Does this mean that the racists
who make up his bases
consider his blessing a curse?

Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.


No. CLXV: Arroz Con Any Other Pollo

Trump is the White House RESIDENT.
(I'll not sully history by calling him president.)
I propose
(holding my nose),
'til he's out on his rump
he's called Cæsar Trump.

Great Cæsar's ghost!
He could be descended.
He is orange, Julius.
(No offense intended.)

Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.


Tuesday, September 26, 2017

No. CLXIV.i: EXTRA! As Luck Would Have It

WaPo: North Korea taps GOP analysts to better understand Trump and his messages (Paywall)

North Korean government officials have been quietly trying to arrange talks with Republican-linked analysts in Washington, in an apparent attempt to make sense of President Trump and his confusing messages to Kim Jong Un’s regime.

President Lump would start a war
thinking that's what armies are far.
Fortunately (?) grown-ups in the room
report to not him but to Kim Jong Un.

Follow (occasional) breaking coverage on Twitter @tcementco.

Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.


No. CLXIV: NFL Today


By now, we know the routine. When Mr. Trump is flailing, he creates a battle between himself and a celebrity – a tempest in a teapot to divert attention from, say, the literal tempest that nearly swallowed Puerto Rico, and his dereliction of duty in addressing it. In the past, Mr. Trump has attacked Mika Brzezinski, Meryl Streep and others to try to change the subject from catastrophes he either created or failed to remedy.

Donald's reaction
is a distraction
disguising his flailing
faction's inaction

putrefaction he is
this “man of action”
add subtraction
end the transaction

fine people” defend
vile traitors' statues
marching with Nazis while
screaming “Sieg heil”

but anyone silently “taking a knee” 
is taking too great a liberty
and therefore must bid football adieu
PHEW

show me I'm wrong
I'll print a retraction
until then
Aux armes citoyens


Monday, September 25, 2017

No. CLXIII.ii: EXTRA! Graham-Cassidy GOP Score


The Congressional Budget Office released a partial analysis of the latest GOP bill late Monday, concluding the number of people with comprehensive health coverage would be “reduced by millions.” The CBO also estimated that by 2026, the bill would cut about $1 trillion in Medicaid spending, resulting in millions of people being left out of the program.

under our plan
millions of citizens
would lose health coverage
says CBO

DUH! CBO
why you don't get it
killing folks off
is the way to go

we plan to fund tax cuts
with billions and trillions
that would be wasted
keeping lower
(and middle)
class riff-raff alive
without healthcare they
won't live to retire
not a big deal
our donors will thrive 
(and we survive)

[updated September 26, 2017, 2:07 a.m.]

No. CLXIII.i: EXTRA! Full A Stern?


Donald Trump thinks Ivanka “looks down on me,” concedes he has groped Melania in public, knows his compulsive handwashing “could be a psychological problem” and once suggested deploying sleeping gas on planes to deter terrorists, according to a new archive of all the conversations he had on air with The Howard Stern Show.

See above Newsweek article for the best bits
of Howie'n'Donny's all time greatest hits
including fan faves where he raves
how he's soooo sexy.

CAUTION: may cause Christians apoplexy.

No. CLXIII: A Trump Letter To Kim (English to Korean to English via google translate)

Dear fellow Dear Leader,

I write on a whim.
And, by the way,
may I call you “Dear Kim”?

I propose that we pool our resources:
your nukes and missiles and my golf courses.
This combination, my dear Rocket Man,
would end our strife and maybe Iran
would want to join us. What do you think?
After all, they and I don't ever drink.

How would this work, I hear you asking.
I don't know, I leave details to sub-contractor tasking.
(Then I do sneaky things to delay them
and at the end I never pay them.)

I propose one Korea with you in charge
with gas SUV's in every garage.
Under my plan you will not need to attack,
I'll give you the South. Trust me, I'll have your back.

All that I would like in exchange
is permission the landscape (slightly) to change.
An ENORMOUS golf course, a sight to behold:
the Korean peninsula gilded in gold.

It will be beautiful, I guarantee.
Nearly as pretty as Ivanka and me.
It's a great opportunity, so come on jump on.
You, me...I-van-ka?!

Your friend,
Donald John

[Google Translate: English - Korean]


친애하는 동료 여러분,

나는 변덕에 쓴다.
그리고, 그런데,
"친애하는 김"이라고 불러도 될까요?

저는 우리가 자원을 모으라고 제안합니다.
핵무기와 미사일, 그리고 골프 코스.
친애하는 로켓맨,
우리의 투쟁과 아마이란을 끝낼 것입니다.
우리와 함께하고 싶습니다. 어떻게 생각해?
어쨌든 그들은 나와 마시는 것을하지 않습니다.

이게 어떻게 작동할까요?
나도 모르겠다. 나는 하도급업자에게 세부 사항을 맡긴다.
(그런 다음 나는 그들을 비틀기 위해 비열한 일을한다.
결국 나는 돈을 지불하지 않습니다.)

내가 너에게 책임을 맡은 한 한국을 제안한다.
모든 차고에 가스 SUV가 있습니다.
내 계획에서 당신은 공격 할 필요가 없습니다.
나는 당신에게 남쪽을 줄 것이다. 날 믿어, 내가 너를 갖자.

내가 교환하고 싶은 모든 것
허락 (경미하게) 변화하는 허락이다.
열성적인 골프 코스, 볼 광경 :
한반도는 황금빛으로 금을 내었다.

그것은 아름답습니다. 나는 보장합니다.
Ivanka와 나만큼 거의 예쁘다.
좋은 기회이기 때문에 점프하십시오.
너 ... 나 ... I-van-ka?!

네 친구,
도널드 존

[Google Translate: Korean - English]


Dear colleagues,

I write to whim.
And, by the way,
May I call “Dear Kim”?

I suggest we collect resources.
Nuclear weapons and missiles, and golf courses.
Dear Rocketman,
Our struggle and maybe Iran will end.
I want to be with you. What do you think?
Anyway they do not drink with me.

How does this work?
I do not know. I give details to the subcontractor.
Then I do mean things to twist them.
In the end, I do not pay.)

I suggest a Korea where I am responsible for you.
Every garage has a gas SUV.
In my plan, you do not have to attack.
I will give you south. Trust me, I'll have you.

Everything I want to exchange
Permission (slightly) Permission to change.
Enthusiastic Golf Course, Ball sight:
The Korean Peninsula was gold in gold.

It is beautiful. I guarantee.
Ivanka and I are almost as pretty.
Please jump because it is a good opportunity.
You ... I ... I-van-ka ?!

Your friend,
Donald John

Sunday, September 24, 2017

No. CLXII.i: EXTRA! Hearsay Heresy

Chicago Tribune: Conservative Roman Catholic theologians accuse pope of spreading heresy (Paywall)
In a 25-page letter delivered to Francis last month and provided Saturday to The Associated Press, the 62 signatories issued a "filial correction" to the pope — a measure they said hadn't been employed since the 14th century.
I have read that Vatican inhabitants say, 
In the Church, we think in centuries.”
"Indeed!" I would say if they this said to me. 
None of them recent, from what I can see.”

Saturday, September 23, 2017

No. CLXII: My Weekly Reader revisited

Trump Reveal and Disgrace
repeal and replace
ever so sweet
watch uninsured
die in the street


Brexit
Rule Britannia
Britannia rule the Thames
even if it's just
from London to Gravesend

British Empire
















Trump/Kim
nukes and sass
“No, I'll kick your ass”
all that remains
will just be stains


Trump/Nixon
one thing Trump won't
take from Nixon's playbook
who'd ever believe his
“I'm not a crook.”


Manafort
I retort
I did not consort.
(Vlad, old sport, 
where's my diplo passport?)


Trump Midnight Confusions
I herewith order
closing the border.
(Which one's my wife,
which one's my daughter?)


Genocides
sometimes Hutus kill Tutsis
sometimes Tutsis kill Hutus
the only difference is who
you send the bill to


Religions
of late I've concluded
(need I add wearily)
there's no taking
religion seriously

Friday, September 22, 2017

No. CLXI: Trumpingly On The Tongue

WSJ: Gambia, Zambia…Nambia? Trump’s Slip Creates New Country


Nambia, Pambia?
What's the big deal?
It's not like I mis-
PROnounced Israel.
These African countries
all sound the same.
Like places in...Asia (?):
“Bingbangbamboom-istan”.
That's who I blame!

On domestic front,
let me be blunt...
Make America great,
every one of
the sixty-eight states:
from East Carolina
to North Alaska,
from Old Mexico
clear to New Braska.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

No. CLX: Wither We Ghost

Guardian: Were we happier in the stone age?


...From the viewpoint of individual happiness, the "agricultural revolution" was, in the words of the scientist Jared Diamond, "the worst mistake in the history of the human race".

...Evolution has no interest in happiness per se: it is interested only in survival and reproduction...Evolution makes sure that no matter what we achieve, we remain dissatisfied, forever grasping for more.

For two thousand centuries (current best guess)
we hunted and gathered with minimum stress.
We thrived. Some did. (Well, more or less.)

We settled down. We started farming.
Turning wolves into to dogs, I suppose, was thought charming.
Chopping trees, draining bogs we start global warming.

At most, we've been “civilized” (maybe) twelve thousand years.
Our numbers have grown. (Along with our fears.)
Have we advanced? Are we more in arrears?

“Civilization”, I guess, has made a mess.
We created a rat race to pursue happiness
and thus far we've not had that much success.

Some say “compete”, others say “share”.
And then they argue about which is fair.
Forget happiness. Let us despair.

If what we're pursuin'
leads to our ruin,
it 's all our own doin'.

See also: New Yorker: The Case Against Civilization


...the agricultural revolution was, for most of the people living through it, a disaster. The fossil record shows that life for agriculturalists was harder than it had been for hunter-gatherers. Their bones show evidence of dietary stress: they were shorter, they were sicker, their mortality rates were higher. Living in close proximity to domesticated animals led to diseases that crossed the species barrier, wreaking havoc in the densely settled communities....Jared Diamond called the Neolithic Revolution “the worst mistake in human history.” The startling thing about this claim is that, among historians of the era, it isn’t very controversial.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

No. CLVIX: 2016 Selection

Needing an arrow for empty quiver,
Russia (cunningly) schemed to deliver
U.S. election to Putin's selection.

Everything went according to plan.
The bloated ego vulgarian
became Vlad's Potomac Volga boatman.

Sadly, Vlad came to see Trump
as a waste of space,
a loser, a bumptious lump,
who could get dumped,
be out in disgrace.
(Too bad, Vlad. So sad.
IN! YOUR! FACE!)

As Rabbie Burns said, "gang aft agley"*,
even it seems for ex-KGB.
So go the schemes of mice and of men.
Even when you're a Kremlin Gremlin.
___________________
*But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane, 
In proving foresight may be vain: 
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men 
Gang aft agley, 
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain, 
For promis’d joy! 
— Rabbie Burns, "To A Mouse"

[in other words]

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
— Robert Burns, "To A Mouse"

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

No. CLVIII.i: EXTRA! Trump Secret Memo To Kim Jong Un

Thanks, Kim Jong Un.
Way to go. Atta boy.
You've given rise
to my latest ploy.

Heretofore I
could only annoy.
Thanks you for setting
me up to destroy.

Make no mistake,
I will destroy
you and the south.
Enjoy, enjoy.

Samsung, Hyundai?
Japs make those toys.
Somewhere there's protests?
Noise, noise, noise, noise.

Watch out for my navy.
Ahoy, ahoy!
Carriers coming.
Eat your bok choy!

You know Trump-inistas
my hoi-polloi
when I blow you up
will clap with joy?

You wanna appease me?
(I love when folks cloy.)
Did I ever tell you
I screwed Helen of Troy?

No. What was I saying?
Ivanka's a goy?
Name hurricane
hitting St. Croix?

Oh, I remember.
I could give you employ.
At Mar a Lago.
As a busboy.

Take it or leave it,
you rocket schoolboy.
You play crazy.
I'm the McCoy.


No. CLVIII: Trump International Hotel Restaurant Moscow

[Russian accent recommended.]

Start, of course-ski, 
with classic borscht-ski.
"No-think-burger" and caviar,
a glass vodka! Toast Vlad, the Tsar.

Dessert: maybe perhaps-be
delicious sweet blini?
Good for you.
(Helps grow your weenie.)

[Рекомендуется американский акцент].

Начните, конечно, лыжи,
с классическим борщ-лыжем.
«ничего гастронома» и икра,
стеклянная водка! Тост Влад, царь

Десерт: может возможно, возможно
вкусные сладкие блины?
Повезло тебе.
(Помогает развить ваше колбаса.)

Monday, September 18, 2017

No. CLVII: Not THAT Bad

compared to
Mao,
Hitler,
Stalin,
Attila the Hun,
Henry 8's
daughters Mary and
Elizabeth One,
Trump is, well, bland —
a bad tribute band

Friday, September 15, 2017

No. CLVI.i: EXTRA! Sessions Recusal, Regrets And Regressions

Business Insider: 'The most humiliating experience in decades': Trump pushed Jeff Sessions to resign after Mueller appointment

Current and former administration officials told the [New York] Times that Trump accused Sessions of "disloyalty," called him an "idiot," and said his appointment as attorney general was the worst decision Trump had ever made, leaving Sessions, in the words of the Times, "ashen and emotional." 

As with "kittens" he fondled,
Trump does what he does because...
he's The Donald.
When he anointed A.G.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
he expected that Jeff
would allow his transgressions.
When Jeff recused — did he grow a spine? —
Donald, of course, thought he should resign.
Rumor has it that
that night in bed
Donald frothed at the mouth
shouting, "Off with his head!
I'd not pick this
idiot for A.G. again!"

No room in this country
for these two old men?

[Updated September 15, 2017, 4:33 p.m.

No CLVI: @RealGOP

you see "GOP"
gobsmacking odd
dyslexics see P-O-G 
Party Of GOD!
dooG doG
cheese and crackers
holy steamroller
what we have here
is U.S. Hezbollah!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

No. CLV.ii: EXTRA! Shall I Compare Thee To A Chimpanzee?

Guardian: It's an alpha male thing: what dominant chimpanzees and Donald Trump have in common

In the wild and in captivity, chimpanzee colonies organize themselves into tightly structured hierarchies....The alpha leader dominates all others through tactics of threat, intimidation, bluffing, and outright aggression – and importantly, by forming short-term, pragmatic coalitions (let us call them “deals”) with other high-status males.

Disgusting!
Revolting!
Disgraceful
Insulting!
Comparing a pure, sweet innocent chimp
to this primitive, bloated, "hairy" blond blimp.
If I were a chimp you know what I'd do?
Call up my lawyer and tell him to sue.
I'd call on Jane Goodall to testify
we're nothing like this disgusting guy.

Though...from what we've seen,
believe me, it's true,
Donald does know
how to throw poo.

[Updated September 14, 2017, 10:00 p.m.]

No. CLV.i: EXTRA! Courting Disaster Hereafter?

Business Insider: McConnell calls for ending Senate tradition that gives Democrats with leverage on Trump's judicial nominees

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Wednesday told The New York Times that he thinks the "blue slip" practice should be scrapped for circuit court nominations, a move that would eliminate Democrats' only leverage against President Donald Trump's picks to the nation's second-highest courts

GOP planned their
grand gerrymander
a bet they'd never be
ever again in the minority
as Scarlet said, "Fiddle-dee-dee"

where fiddling's concerned
I hear-tell Donald's learned
just a little
to bow and to fiddle
welcome "home"
to Nero's Rome

[Updated September 14, 2017, 6:00 p.m.]

No. CLV: Whither History Withers

look
think
no one's to blame
when things are different
they're still the same
say Alexander
does not die young
specifics get different
shifting among
genes and names
languages change
constants however
do not rearrange
winners and losers
villains and heros
tea-totalers boozers
Robert De Niros
history still
will reach its "goal"
without me (or you)
playing a rôle

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

No. CLIII: What Fate Awaits Us

after these months —
which seem like years —
it is clear Trump
is playing at Lear
(Lear as in Shakespeare
not as in Norman)...
on the horizon
hurricanes storm in

will Trump magic
turn comedy tragic
with Ryan-McConnell
as Regan and Goneril
his crowd, Cordelia,
miss-iled by Korea —
good daughter, bad daughters,
Trump, us — all slaughtered

the curtain descends
la commedia ends...
makes fatal sense
to President Pence —
aglow in the dark,
the remnant's monarch

Monday, September 11, 2017

No. CLII: Four Forlorn Four-liners

The national psyche
took a lump dump
with the election
of Donald Trump

Doomsday preppers,
given to brood,
would hate to waste
expiring canned food

Hurricanes, droughts
give rise to doubts
if "In God We Trust"
benefits us

If West Coast expires
in forest fires
it does not matter
if Trump retires

Sunday, September 10, 2017

No. CLI: WEEKEND UPDATE Analysis — Trump On The Couch

[Note to our reader(s): due to a clerical error, a draft version of the following was posted on September 6, 2017 at 8:34 p.m EDT. When the error was discovered, the post was taken down. That version is no longer operative.]

to understand Donald fully
recall your childhood
the school yard bully
that obnoxious rich kid
son of a bitch kid
whose daddy shelled out
for the damage he did
due to these bail-outs
("waste of good money!"),
that son was rather
despised by the father
(who found this progeny
a bit of a bother)
being unable his daddy to please
left Donald a permanent sense of unease
made him a bully who
pouts, boasts and shouts,
"I AM what everything is all about!"
were this NOT a danger
it would be "so sad",
the poor little rich boy
who never pleased dad

Saturday, September 9, 2017

No. CL.ii: EXTRA! Annie Randy Lives

From Quartz Weekend Edition: Making money during the apocalypse.

Bryan Menegus reports for Gizmodo from a conference whose attendees envisage a future where capitalism is under siege. “The machinery of freedom” apparently will include floating sea colonies, special economic zones, and stateless cryptocurrencies. And it’s up to these elite techno-libertarian attendees to ensure that future happens—whether it benefits the rest of the world or not. 

[WARNING: Piece is badly written and probably never saw an editor's red pencil. Reader caution, especially English major's, is advised.]

Annie Randy lives!
'swhy
ever'one else is gotta die

Inane, insane,

in th' main
on Chris-t-ain

ever'one ya distain

throwed unner th' train
fer capital gain...
whuts t' complain

all's this hears sayin' is t' be free

yer gonna need sum more slavery

Friday, September 8, 2017

No. CL.i: EXTRA! RIP GOP?

Globe And Mail: Trump’s politics of wrath leaves GOP in shambles (Paywall)

Large numbers of Republicans would dearly love to desert their leader...But if provoked by signs of rebellion, it is not inconceivable that Mr. Trump would split with the party and run under a new conservative banner. That's a development that...would kill the GOP.

Hey, GOP, you down in the dumps
because you elected Donald J. Trump?
Come off it, what's with the weeping.
Seeds sown. That's what you're reaping.
You say the Bible
is always reliable,
but there's a lesson you don't appreciate:
GOD, I mean Donald, does not negotiate.
On deck all hands
is what HE demands.
Elections are fine, but listen my Brethern
your "Good Book" speaks of the KINGDOM of heaven.
If democracy is really your thing,
why nominate a wannabe king?

[Updated: September 8, 2017, 8:07 p.m.]

No. CL: After Whitman (a sampler)

casting aside
rose colored glasses
I contemplate
everything passes
I recognize
however galling
there is no meaning
I have no calling
I have no purpose
I have no soul
though
through circumstance
I may play a rôle
crowd scene extra
somewhere in the drama
were I a Republican
I'd blame Obama

Thursday, September 7, 2017

No. CXLIX.ii: EXTRA! Trump Jr Testifies

NYTTrump Jr. Says He Wanted Russian Dirt to Determine Clinton’s ‘Fitness’ for Office (Paywall)

Donald Trump Jr. told Senate investigators on Thursday that he set up a June 2016 meeting with a Russian lawyer because he was intrigued that she might have damaging information about Hillary Clinton, saying it was important to learn about Mrs. Clinton’s “fitness” to be president.

Opening statement from Crown Prince Donald J. Trump, Jr.:

Mr. Chairman, let me dispel your confusion,
I never engaged in any collusion.
That time I met with a roomful of Russians?
I never dreamed there could be repercussions.
Hence dispense with the pillory.
All I wanted was dirt on Hillary,
something to cast doubt on her fitness
that's the God's honest truth, as Jared's my witness.
It is so rude to think I'd collude
I only was helping Uncle Vlad to intrude
to assure dad became president.
Your insinuations I deeply resent.
I did not with Russians co-ordinate.
I simply ate what they put on my plate.
My email reply did say "I love it."
I can't deny it. (But you can go shove it!)
Why must I suffer this partisan rancor?
How come no one, EV-ER, questions Ivanka?





No. CXLVIX.i: EXTRA! Other Alternatives


A little while later the crowd gathered round the president. Some laid a hand on him for a prayer that led the participant recalling the episode, Tony Suarez, to feel as though “the anointing of the Holy Spirit was in that room.”

to see "Christian" ministers
making obeisance
to Donald J. Trump
unhuman excrescence...

what are they doing
I think it odd
if they truly be Christian
we need new Gods

not ones yet stupider
like Zeus or Jupiter
a God as nice as
good old Dionysus

I think Apollo
I maybe could follow
would that he and Athena
were in the arena...