Saturday, September 23, 2017

No. CLXII: My Weekly Reader revisited

Trump Reveal and Disgrace
repeal and replace
ever so sweet
watch uninsured
die in the street


Brexit
Rule Britannia
Britannia rule the Thames
even if it's just
from London to Gravesend

British Empire
















Trump/Kim
nukes and sass
“No, I'll kick your ass”
all that remains
will just be stains


Trump/Nixon
one thing Trump won't
take from Nixon's playbook
who'd ever believe his
“I'm not a crook.”


Manafort
I retort
I did not consort.
(Vlad, old sport, 
where's my diplo passport?)


Trump Midnight Confusions
I herewith order
closing the border.
(Which one's my wife,
which one's my daughter?)


Genocides
sometimes Hutus kill Tutsis
sometimes Tutsis kill Hutus
the only difference is who
you send the bill to


Religions
of late I've concluded
(need I add wearily)
there's no taking
religion seriously

Friday, September 22, 2017

No. CLXI: Trumpingly On The Tongue

WSJ: Gambia, Zambia…Nambia? Trump’s Slip Creates New Country


Nambia, Pambia?
What's the big deal?
It's not like I mis-
PROnounced Israel.
These African countries
all sound the same.
Like places in...Asia (?):
“Bingbangbamboom-istan”.
That's who I blame!

On domestic front,
let me be blunt...
Make America great,
every one of
the sixty-eight states:
from East Carolina
to North Alaska,
from Old Mexico
clear to New Braska.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

No. CLX: Wither We Ghost

Guardian: Were we happier in the stone age?


...From the viewpoint of individual happiness, the "agricultural revolution" was, in the words of the scientist Jared Diamond, "the worst mistake in the history of the human race".

...Evolution has no interest in happiness per se: it is interested only in survival and reproduction...Evolution makes sure that no matter what we achieve, we remain dissatisfied, forever grasping for more.

For two thousand centuries (current best guess)
we hunted and gathered with minimum stress.
We thrived. Some did. (Well, more or less.)

We settled down. We started farming.
Turning wolves into to dogs, I suppose, was thought charming.
Chopping trees, draining bogs we start global warming.

At most, we've been “civilized” (maybe) twelve thousand years.
Our numbers have grown. (Along with our fears.)
Have we advanced? Are we more in arrears?

“Civilization”, I guess, has made a mess.
We created a rat race to pursue happiness
and thus far we've not had that much success.

Some say “compete”, others say “share”.
And then they argue about which is fair.
Forget happiness. Let us despair.

If what we're pursuin'
leads to our ruin,
it 's all our own doin'.

See also: New Yorker: The Case Against Civilization


...the agricultural revolution was, for most of the people living through it, a disaster. The fossil record shows that life for agriculturalists was harder than it had been for hunter-gatherers. Their bones show evidence of dietary stress: they were shorter, they were sicker, their mortality rates were higher. Living in close proximity to domesticated animals led to diseases that crossed the species barrier, wreaking havoc in the densely settled communities....Jared Diamond called the Neolithic Revolution “the worst mistake in human history.” The startling thing about this claim is that, among historians of the era, it isn’t very controversial.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

No. CLVIX: 2016 Selection

Needing an arrow for empty quiver,
Russia (cunningly) schemed to deliver
U.S. election to Putin's selection.

Everything went according to plan.
The bloated ego vulgarian
became Vlad's Potomac Volga boatman.

Sadly, Vlad came to see Trump
as a waste of space,
a loser, a bumptious lump,
who could get dumped,
be out in disgrace.
(Too bad, Vlad. So sad.
IN! YOUR! FACE!)

As Rabbie Burns said, "gang aft agley"*,
even it seems for ex-KGB.
So go the schemes of mice and of men.
Even when you're a Kremlin Gremlin.
___________________
*But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane, 
In proving foresight may be vain: 
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men 
Gang aft agley, 
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain, 
For promis’d joy! 
— Rabbie Burns, "To A Mouse"

[in other words]

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
— Robert Burns, "To A Mouse"

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

No. CLVIII.i: EXTRA! Trump Secret Memo To Kim Jong Un

Thanks, Kim Jong Un.
Way to go. Atta boy.
You've given rise
to my latest ploy.

Heretofore I
could only annoy.
Thanks you for setting
me up to destroy.

Make no mistake,
I will destroy
you and the south.
Enjoy, enjoy.

Samsung, Hyundai?
Japs make those toys.
Somewhere there's protests?
Noise, noise, noise, noise.

Watch out for my navy.
Ahoy, ahoy!
Carriers coming.
Eat your bok choy!

You know Trump-inistas
my hoi-polloi
when I blow you up
will clap with joy?

You wanna appease me?
(I love when folks cloy.)
Did I ever tell you
I screwed Helen of Troy?

No. What was I saying?
Ivanka's a goy?
Name hurricane
hitting St. Croix?

Oh, I remember.
I could give you employ.
At Mar a Lago.
As a busboy.

Take it or leave it,
you rocket schoolboy.
You play crazy.
I'm the McCoy.


No. CLVIII: Trump International Hotel Restaurant Moscow

[Russian accent recommended.]

Start, of course-ski, 
with classic borscht-ski.
"No-think-burger" and caviar,
a glass vodka! Toast Vlad, the Tsar.

Dessert: maybe perhaps-be
delicious sweet blini?
Good for you.
(Helps grow your weenie.)

[Рекомендуется американский акцент].

Начните, конечно, лыжи,
с классическим борщ-лыжем.
«ничего гастронома» и икра,
стеклянная водка! Тост Влад, царь

Десерт: может возможно, возможно
вкусные сладкие блины?
Повезло тебе.
(Помогает развить ваше колбаса.)

Monday, September 18, 2017

No. CLVII: Not THAT Bad

compared to
Mao,
Hitler,
Stalin,
Attila the Hun,
Henry 8's
daughters Mary and
Elizabeth One,
Trump is, well, bland —
a bad tribute band