Friday, October 11, 2019
№ 702.1: EXTRA! And Kurds Bank Never Lent Me Money Either
Fact-checking Trump's claim that Kurds did not help the US in WWII and Normandy invasion
“As somebody wrote in a very very powerful article today, they didn't help us in the Second World War, they didn't help us with Normandy,” Trump said. . .
TRUMP CHECKING (October 10)
Not only the Kurds played hooky from Normandy,
there were no Israelis there either.
Germans were present, that can't be denied,
but I seem to recall they were the other side.
Finns and Italians were nowhere to be seen.
The Russians were , I think, occupied elsewhere.
Had Donnie been born and not been by bone spurs bed-ridden,
I am confident he'd have kept himself hidden.
№ 702: The Creator's Confession (God damns it)
Genesis 6:6 New International Version (NIV)
The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.
INFINITE (October 10)
The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.
INFINITE (October 10)
I AM YOUR GOD.
BUT. . .let me be clear,
you human beings
were my worst idea.
What was I thinking when I set things in motion?
I only wanted 24/7, unending devotion.
NOT all this dam-ned meshuga commotion.
NOT all this dam-ned meshuga commotion.
Before begetting you damned H. Saps.,
I shudda called the world off, perhaps?
All you people do is kill one another.
Where did that come from? Was it my mother?
(Ah, ma mère.
Mere thought of her induces paralysis.
Even now, after years in analysis.)
Mere thought of her induces paralysis.
Even now, after years in analysis.)
Looking back now, you know what I wish?
I wish Mom got me a couple a' goldfish,
who'd peacefully swim around and around,
smacking their lips, never making a sound.
(Me damn it! I Googled. And Geez-Louise.
Goldfish lip smacking might mean they're diseased!
I never get anything right.
Were I not “Almighty”,
I might be contrite.
This whole schmegegge
ain't what I “planned”.
All I can say is,
“Well, I'll be damned.”)
Were I not “Almighty”,
I might be contrite.
This whole schmegegge
ain't what I “planned”.
All I can say is,
“Well, I'll be damned.”)
Thursday, October 10, 2019
№ 701.1: EXTRA! Rudy Awakening?
Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman were arrested on charges including conspiracy, making false statements and falsifying records
They are alleged to have channeled $325,000 (£260,000) to a pro-Trump political action committee, America First Action, through a “straw”, or front, company set up to disguise the true origin of the funds, which were from a person identified in the indictment as Foreign National-1.
DONNIEWORLD (October 10)
This would be sad if it weren't so funny:
Rudy's pals caught giving Trump dirty money.
Being they're immigrants, why did not Rudy report them
and Donnie's ICE-men quickly deport them?
I suspect the answer is: well, of course,
they took a job that Donnie outsourced
to Moscow where Putin's the boss
of all bosses and anyway Donnie does not give a toss
where money he gets actually comes from
and thinks if you do, then you're the dumb one.
So long as it's cash (used bills, untraceable). . .
if the bag man gets caught, he is “erasable”.
He's linked to Rudy? Rudy's replaceable.
[updated 10/10/2019, 7:30 pm]
Click
They are alleged to have channeled $325,000 (£260,000) to a pro-Trump political action committee, America First Action, through a “straw”, or front, company set up to disguise the true origin of the funds, which were from a person identified in the indictment as Foreign National-1.
DONNIEWORLD (October 10)
This would be sad if it weren't so funny:
Rudy's pals caught giving Trump dirty money.
Being they're immigrants, why did not Rudy report them
and Donnie's ICE-men quickly deport them?
I suspect the answer is: well, of course,
they took a job that Donnie outsourced
to Moscow where Putin's the boss
of all bosses and anyway Donnie does not give a toss
where money he gets actually comes from
and thinks if you do, then you're the dumb one.
So long as it's cash (used bills, untraceable). . .
if the bag man gets caught, he is “erasable”.
He's linked to Rudy? Rudy's replaceable.
[updated 10/10/2019, 7:30 pm]
Click
№ 701: No Sweat, Donnie's Duet (will there be an encore?)
Email subscribers click here.
TWO VAST AND TRUNKLESS LEGS (October 9)
(with apologies to John Kander and Fred Ebb)
One thing I know/one thing I know
and I've always known/I've always known
I am my only/I am my only friend
Donnie's alive/Donnie's alive
but Donnie's alone/but Donnie's alone
and Donnie's his only/and Donnie's his only friend
On FOX and Friends
when wife is not here
I love to watch the hot chick
who sits between the fair-
THE NEW YORKER Illustration by Bendik Kaltenborn |
ies.
There's no one I trust
Trusting's for fools/trusting's for fools
I own the game/I own the game
and there are no rules
I do what I like
and I like to win
and I am my only friend
Three Musketeers
on a pizza pie
I eat with a fork
I/I
do not/do not
Why should I die
I am the best
I am immortal
I am thrice blessed
I must be a God
I cannot pretend
and Satan's my only friend
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
№ 700: And Noisy Flows The Don
Email subscribers click here.
NOWITCANBETOLD (October 8)
(with apologies to Bob Dylan)
Nobody feels Donnie's pain
there's nuthin' he would not do for gain
ever'body knows,
like a “Mafiosi”
he ducks slings and all the “fake” ar-rows,
as scandals 'round him swirl
He two-times just like a Don, yes he does
He does crimes just like a Don, yes he does
And he's slime just like a Don,
but he whines just like a little girl*.
—————————
*NOT, we know PC, but it rhymes
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
№ 699.1: EXTRA! Symbolic Coincidence?
Drone spots five more dead elephants at Thailand waterfall
ACTUALLYSADSYMBOLICALLYFUNNY (October 8)
Eleven wild Thai elephants died,
plunging after a baby.
The name of the baby has not been revealed,
but “TRUNK” is more than a maybe.
ACTUALLYSADSYMBOLICALLYFUNNY (October 8)
Eleven wild Thai elephants died,
plunging after a baby.
The name of the baby has not been revealed,
but “TRUNK” is more than a maybe.
№ 699: Is This Your Back I See Before Me? (my mistake, it's just my knife)
US to let Turkish forces move into Syria, dumping Kurdish allies
White House reveals policy
shift following conversation between Trump and Erdoğan
The White House has given the
green light to a Turkish offensive into northern Syria, moving US
forces out of the area in an abrupt foreign policy change that will
in effect abandon the Kurds, Washington’s longtime military
partner.
BUTWHATHAVETHEYDONELATELYFORDONNIE (October 7)
Though there are more Kurds* than Norwegians plus Dutch,
the Kurds have never mattered that much.
So what does it matter whether you're heard,
Donnie declared, “To hell
with the Kurds!”?
Kurds, a minority, wherever they
are,
are ever ready for slaughter.
They yearn for a
“Kurdistan”, but that doesn't matter:
it isn't a country, it hasn't border.
That said, Kurds, historically,
are
fierce fighters and excellent
allies.
Realists, too. When they're
betrayed,
it never is a total surprise.
(That also applies to Donnie's
wives.)
Betrayal is how Donnie does
business.
It's his way of “keeping it real”.
It's his way of “keeping it real”.
Your back, his knife is how he does life.
A cut to the heart is his art of the deal.
[updated 10/9/2019, 1:55 pm]
[updated 10/9/2019, 1:55 pm]
——————————
*After
World War One and the defeat of the Ottoman Empire, the victorious
Western allies made provision for a Kurdish state in the 1920 Treaty
of Sevres. However, that promise was nullified three years later,
when the Treaty of Lausanne set the boundaries of modern Turkey and
made no such provision, leaving Kurds with minority status in their
respective countries. This fact has led to numerous genocides and
rebellions, along with the current ongoing armed guerrilla conflicts
in Turkey, Iran, and Syria / Rojava. Although Kurds are the majority
population in the autonomous region of Iraqi Kurdistan, because of
their statelessness, Kurdish nationalist movements continue to pursue
greater cultural rights, autonomy, and independence throughout
Greater Kurdistan. — Wikipedia
Monday, October 7, 2019
№ 698: Donnie's Judgment Day
HEAVEN'S GATE (October 6)
Come Judgment Day, we can foretell
Trump telling St. Peter, “No, YOU go the hell.
I am TRUMP, Donald J., I go where I want!
And ‘TRUMP’ is always bold UPPERCASE font.
Your low-IQ God-guy hasn't a clue.
If I don't get in, Rudy will sue you.
God, too. And everyone else there as well.
I will to see to it, your heaven's a hell.
“In addition to which, I can't go to hell.
I'd be with my father. . .we don't get on well.
He did lotsa stuff, I think, to spite me.
I don't think daddy ever did like me.
“I will renovate heaven!
NO, I'M NOT BEING FUNNY.
I'll make it great again.
My name. God's money.”
Come Judgment Day, we can foretell
Trump telling St. Peter, “No, YOU go the hell.
I am TRUMP, Donald J., I go where I want!
And ‘TRUMP’ is always bold UPPERCASE font.
Your low-IQ God-guy hasn't a clue.
If I don't get in, Rudy will sue you.
God, too. And everyone else there as well.
I will to see to it, your heaven's a hell.
“In addition to which, I can't go to hell.
I'd be with my father. . .we don't get on well.
He did lotsa stuff, I think, to spite me.
I don't think daddy ever did like me.
“I will renovate heaven!
NO, I'M NOT BEING FUNNY.
I'll make it great again.
My name. God's money.”
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