No. 272.2: EXTRA! Trump Responds To Russian Indictments

“The Russia-Trump collusion story is a total hoax, when will this taxpayer funded charade end?”
— WaPo, Trump’s Russia ‘hoax’ turns out to be real (Paywall)

I tell ya folks

I still say it's a hoax

invented by those

Dumb-as-crap jokes.

I'd no sooner collude

than cheat on my wife.

Colluding is rude,

so not on your life.

This talk of collusion

constitutes an intrusion

into admin affairs.

Just tell the Dems

who love to condemn,

someday they're gonna get theirs.

I'm not gonna threaten

but I'm never lettin'

this Mueller punk

get me excited

he'll be out the door

or dead on the floor

before I'm ever indicted.

As to Dem rebukes

don't forget I've got nukes.

On my desk there's

this gorgeous red button.

With one little push,

I make them shush

turning them into roast mutton.

No. 272.1: EXTRA! Some Questions For RNC Leadership

GOP,
how can you
continue to be

so disconcerty?
Did your mom never say,

“If you swim in the muck

you’re gonna get dirty.”?

Did you think you’d end

your electoral slump

by holding your noses

and partnering Trump?

He’s from New York —

worse even from Queens.

Now, I am no genius

but I know what that means.

And worse yet

he did construction.

Which in NY and NJ

equals corruption.

(This includes Jared

and Chris Christie who

locked Jared’s dad up

for a year. Or was it two?)

The porn queen thing?

I cannot surmise

that this could have come

as a total surprise.

And, this just in,
the Playboy chick
who he offered to pay
for one or two tricks.
Talk about sick.

Do I hear you say,

“This babe's not reliable”?

If it comes to that

neither's your Bible

which is merely myth

you're comfortable with.

And now more excitement:

the Russia indictment.

If it is not collusion

it bespeaks confusion

among unwitting dimwits

in Trump's inner orbit.

(News is breaking so fast

I cannot absorb it!)

You were not fussy

'bout Trump's grabbing pussy.

BUT Huckabee Sanders

as his lying hussy!

THAT crosses a line

that’s not even fine.

This minister’s daughter

sloshing dirty bathwater!?
Talk about leading
lambs to the slaughter.

I am not distorting

herewith reporting

that Jesus, your guy,

nowhere speaks of deporting.

The erection of walls

that break families
would be anomalies

in all his homilies.

So, GOP Christians

get real. On the level:

do you actually think

you can dance with the devil?

Yeah, right! Sure.

God works in strange ways.

And maybe we are at

The End Of Days.

BUT IF WE ARE NOT

(or if we are)

your embrace of Trump

is more than bizarre.

To reach your goals

you’ve sold your souls.

I doubt even the God

who you claim is living

could manage to be

all THAT forgiving.

No. 272: Henry VIII, an appreciation by Donald J. Trump (age 15)

TCCN EXCLUSIVE!

Seth Poppel/Yearbook Library

* * * * E X C L U S I V E * * * *

Theatrical Cement Company News has exclusively obtained exclusively a poem by President Donald J. Trump written during his stay at New Gurley Military Academy. “Henry VIII, an appreciation” was printed in Spurs & Bones, the New Gurley Military Academy literary magazine, in April 1962 when the future president was a fifteen-year-old sophomore.

As far as TCCN can determine, this is the last time Mr. Trump wrote anything other than his name without paid professional assistance.

I don't see the big deal.

He had sex appeal.
(And sex disease.)

Henry was king.

Kings do as they please.

Girlfriends and wives?

You own their lives.

Catherine of Aragon

wife number one,

from Spain

(or maybe Mexico?),

did not bare a son.

So he divorced her

as was his right regal

and I gotta tell ya

she was illegal —

his dead brother's widow

so Henry's her brother.

(Or something or other.)

Mrs. H. Two?
Oh, Anne Boleyn,

who Henry discovered
was guilty as sin.

After one daughter
and three miscarriages

Henry decided to
undo their marriage.

Wishing her dead,

he lopped off her head

which he could do

being king like I said.

Number three,

Jane Seymour,

gave him his son

then up and died,

son of a gun.

That's how it goes,

you lose some,

you winsome.

Anne of Cleves. . .

bigly mistake!

Portrait was fake.

He pensioned her off.

Give me a break.

Catherine Howard,
wife number five.

Like cheatin' Annie,
she did not survive.

With someone else
she went to bed,

so Henry said,
“Off with her head!”

Known for her looks
Catherine Parr, wife six,
wrote books.
She outlived him.
After her last (fourth!) time
as a bride she died.

These are the sex wives of Henry the Eight

and I gotta tell ya each earned their fate.

He was THE man, they were just women.

Men are important, girls window trimmin'.

When women refuse to stay in their place

sometimes you gotta punch them in their face.

No. 271: A Koch Brothers Lament (And you think you've got problems?)

In the U.S. economy the question persists:

how many poor folk to permit exist

to provide our food, clean up our messes,

to do whatever we feel would distress us?

How to determine the number of plumbers,

servants, salesmen, drummers, newcomers

needed to keep things pleasant and easy 

doing work which makes us queasy?

Their numbers sufficient to keep things efficient

with wages below some low coefficient

enough (barely) to keep them assuaged

complacently placid so they'll not engage

in fights for their “rights” setting their sights

on toppling us, the elites, from the heights?

While we have to admit we love keeping them down,

our heads do lie uneasy wearing the crown.

No. 270: Valentine's Day, 2018

U.K. police caution:
You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

U.S. Miranda warning:
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.

Although you consider your intended compliant,

your hormonal emotions may prove non-reliant.

Unless you are certain, you'd best remain silent.

In short, when you court, do not resort

to actions or words with prospective consort

which may harm your defense later in court.

Before you embark on romantic journeys,

we advise you to always consult your attorneys.

No. 269: Too Sixty-Nine

Can we — PLEASE! — get a handle

on sex abuse scandal

causing widespread consternation?

Hollywood? Sure,
they're insecure.

Predation is their occupation.

But, golly gee,

down in DC,

at the heart and soul of the nation?

Men, monied and old,

should not need to be told

to master their “legislation”.

And it's not only there,

it is now everywhere

the hot topic of conversation.

Fortunately

the answer is easy:

at birth, preemptive castration.

No. 268: Love In The White House (a sad state of affairs)

Washington (CNN) — President Donald Trump has grown increasingly frustrated with Hope Hicks, his communications director and one of his closest confidantes, amid the fallout from the Rob Porter scandal, people familiar with the matter say.

Trump was not consulted when Hicks and several other aides drafted a White House statement defending Porter, and he is under the impression that Hicks has let her romantic relationship with Porter cloud her judgment. . .

— CNN: Trump frustrated with Hicks' role in Porter scandal

Is Trump's favorite, Hope Hicks, in a fix, in hot water?

Her White House coworker (dash) boyfriend, Rob Porter —

who seemed proficient, efficient — is thought to have
behaved in ways a gentleman ought not to have.

Trump, muting usual “fire and fury”

lamenting the absence of trial by jury,

said behaviors alleged were not admitted.

He never noted O. J. was acquitted!

Office affairs are frequently fraught,

what is sought after oft times comes to nought.

Such is love's way. What can one say?

Hope dis-Robbed and distressed before Valentine's Day.