No. 280.3: EXTRA! Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

BBC News: Hope Hicks: Close Trump aide to resign

The 29-year-old former model and ex-Trump Organization employee has been by Mr Trump's side for years.

She is reported to have told colleagues she felt she had accomplished all she could in the White House.

So, so long, dear Hope.

You were totally “dope”.

Does your departure

seek to avail

an opportunity

to spend less time in jail?

And, that said,

may we add that abuser Rob Porter

had better treat you

in the way that he orta.

[updated 10/10/2018 10:42 am: Почему он популярен в России?]

No. 280.2: EXTRA! Sessions Repressions (my kingdom for a gun?)

In a message that takes some liberties with the facts, Trump wrote, “Why is A.G. Jeff Sessions asking the Inspector General to investigate potentially massive FISA abuse. Will take forever, has no prosecutorial power and already late with reports on Comey etc. Isn’t the I.G. an Obama guy? Why not use Justice Department lawyers? DISGRACEFUL!”

— WaPo: Trump lashes out at attorney general over alleged surveillance abuses (Paywall)

It would take a Caligula

or maybe a Nero

to turn Jefferson Sessions

into a hero.

Even our Donald isn't that bad.

(Though you do have to wonder,

does this make him “SAD!”?)

Does knowing now how he

yearns to face gunmen,

make his Secret Service

even more nervous?

Have they decided

what's to be done

when he says, 

“Give me your gun!”?

Do they fear he might,

with lust in his eye,

say to some woman,

“Kiss me or die!”?

No. 280.1: EXTRA! Testify (and Hope?)

WASHINGTON — Hope Hicks, the White House communications director, told House investigators on Tuesday that her work for President Trump, who has a reputation for exaggerations and outright falsehoods, had occasionally required her to tell white lies
— NYT: Hope Hicks Acknowledges She Sometimes Tells White Lies for Trump (Paywall)

          Hope springs eternal
          sometimes, infernal.
          So, dear Ms. Hicks,
          show us some tricks.

No. 280: Trump Denies Collusion (Again!)

Trump has dismissed investigations into Russian interference in the US election – and potential collusion between Trump aides and Moscow – as a partisan exercise. 

— Guardian: NSA chief: Trump 'has not ordered disruption of Russia election meddling'

Okay. Times up. Game over. Enough.

I am sick and tired of this Russia stuff.

The idea that Team Trump ever colluded

must be, from now on, forever excluded.

Maybe Junior and Jared

met with some Russians.

Those talks, if they happened,

were friendly discussions

on topics of mutual interest, you see.

That's not collusion. That's synergy.

No. 279.1: EXTRA! Kushner's Intelligence Questioned

WASHINGTON — Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and senior adviser, has been stripped of his high-level security clearance. . .

The move comes after John F. Kelly, the White House chief of staff, recently moved to overhaul the security clearance process at the White House. . .

— NYT: Jared Kushner’s Security Clearance Downgraded (Paywall)

Just a sec to while I check,

peruse breaking news.

I need to make sure

this is not horse manure.

         .

         .

         .

Nope, it's fact,

Jared needs to be frisked.

Trump's son-in-law's

a security risk.

Is this about Russia?

Is Ivanka too shrewish?

Has it to do with

the fact that he's Jewish?

What is wrong,

what is the deal?

Is he Mossad,

does he work for Israel?

That is the question

from Trump's alt-right supporters

who would not have let Jared

marry their daughters.

Or, maybe, the fear

stuck in Kelly's craw

was that Jared might share 

with his father-in-law.

[updated 2/27/2018, 7:01 pm]

No. 279: Something In The Way He Moves (do answers trump questions?)

Does it seem girly

how he waves his hands?

His concern for his hair

is unlike a man’s.

Sitting or standing

arms crossed on chest

he looks like a schoolgirl

newly pubesced.

When he talks of sex

it sounds conjectural.

Has anyone ever

been THAT heterosexual?

As he learned his trade

at the knee of Roy Cohn,

one's left to wonder

what else went on?

No. 278: Quo Donald? (a Cohn job)

“Dad” was not there for me,

“Mom” was distracted.

I punched a teacher.

Neither reacted.

A rich bitch-boy,

I played it cool,

until I was sent to

milit'ry school.

There I changed — 

partially, not fully — 

I became

a more perfect bully.

Two excellent colleges

where I excelled —

and you will note

was never expelled.

They taught me lots of. . . 

I don't know what.

Probably crap,

diddly-squat.

It was in building
I found my calling.

squandering money,

my taste appalling.

Then I met GOD,

who called himself Cohn.

He taught me how

to con almost everyone.

Roy Cohn with Donald Trump, Trump Tower “Christening” 1983

He preached, 

“To succeed,

coerce everyone

to do THE DEED.”

“Flatter, manipulate,

cheat, lie,” he said.
“Whatever it takes.”
Pity he's dead.

[updated 2/26/2018, 2:34 pm]

No. 277.2: EXTRA! Donald Trump And The Curse Of The Evangelicals

This president’s effect on our cultural norms has been shocking. His critics would call it appalling; evangelicals say it’s immensely satisfying: They’ve seen a culture deteriorate quickly in the past decade, and they’re looking for a bold culture warrior to fight for them. Showing that God does indeed have a sense of humor, He gave them Mr. Trump. 

— NYT: In Donald Trump, Evangelicals Have Found Their President (Paywall)

With at last a president who's God's plenipotentiary

we can repeal the twentieth century

and return again to the glory days

of a great President Rutherford Hayes*.

Trump is soooo sympathetic, generous, gentle

and, dare I say so, a tad sentimental.

When he sees no pretty women there

his hands are invariably folded in prayer.

We Evangelicals are in pursuit

of anyone we can persecute

in God's name, so we're not to blame

if the Lord and us think just the same.

Our God hates queers and same-sex marriage.

Our God hates anyone we choose to disparage.

Our God loves true Christian home schooling.

Our God loves five-four conservative rulings.

Of course, we'd prefer that Donald repent

but even the Devil was heaven sent.

Sometimes, you know, doing God's will,

you just have to deal with a load of pig swill.

________________________

*Hayes' election was less than deft,

a blatant, outrageous, electoral theft.

He ended post-Civil War Reconstruction

pretend he was ending “corruption”.

He used U.S. Army to suppress railway workers.

(The only way to treat striking shirkers.)

No. 277.1: EXTRA! I Tell Ya Folks, It's All A Hoax?

Rick Gates, a former top official in President Trump’s campaign, is expected to plead guilty Friday to charges brought by special counsel Robert S. Mueller III in his investigation of Russia’s interference in the 2016 election and cooperate with prosecutors, according to a person familiar with the situation.

— WaPo: Former Trump campaign official Rick Gates expected to plead guiltyand cooperate with special counsel in probe of Russian electioninterference (Paywall)

As Robert Mueller tightens the noose

we're left to wait for Donald's excuse.

Was he misled, in over his head?

In Russia something he did in bed

that's best left unsaid?

When, at long last, Donald's led to the pillory

will he still be insisting we investigate Hillary?

No. 277: Trump vs. Oprah (Round 1?)

Fortune: The Long History Between Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey

Once, when we were pals —

I mean way, waaay back —

Oprah had all the advantages.

What with being Black.

And a woman to boot!

What did I have?

Okay. . .I was kinda “cute”,
the son of a millionaire.

Oprah did not have those burdens  to bear.

I mean, come on now. How was that fair?

She just had to strive, struggle and save

while I always had to take more than I gave.

Now who's the slave?!

She had incentive

she could count on.

Who did I have? 

A lousy dad?

Howard Stern?

My fag “mentor”, 

Roy Cohn?

So, “Ms BIG O”, 

you thinking of running?

Okay. Gloves off, say I, 

“Bring. It. On!

Your defeat will be stunning!”

You think with Hillary you saw attacks?

You forget how my Russians hate all of you Blacks!

No. 276: Pathology 101

He was born in the same year as Ted Bundy,

a Republican, too, who might have one day

run for president had he stayed a sex predator,

and not advanced to become a mass murderer.

So. . .has the time arrived — finally! — to ask:

Is Donald J. Trump a sociopath?

Seriously. . .when you review the checklist*,

this conclusion becomes awfully hard to resist.

______________

*

✔  glib and superficial charm
✔ grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
✔  need for stimulation
✔  pathological lying
✔  cunning and manipulativeness
✔  lack of remorse or guilt
✔  shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
✔  callousness and lack of empathy
__   parasitic lifestyle
✔  poor behavioral controls
✔  sexual promiscuity
✔  early behavior problems
__    lack of realistic long-term goals
✔  impulsivity
✔  irresponsibility
✔  failure to accept responsibility for own actions
✔  many short-term marital relationships
__   juvenile delinquency
__   revocation of conditional release
✔  criminal versatility

(list adapted from  The Psychopath Next Door)

No. 275: God's Memo To Donald (Top Secret: EYES-ONLY)

Dear Donald,

Stay calm.

No cause for alarm.

Nevertheless,
let me stress: 

I wish you no harm.

That being said

(and this part I dread),

there is some stuff

we need to discuss.

(And, no, these discussions 
do not concern Russians,

although those disruptions 
may have repercussions.)

It's time someone said it.

The women you've bedded — 
the wives, the porn stars 

the Playboy bunnies — 

they did you because

they thought it meant money.

Like I said,

stay calm,

do not lose your gourd,

but it's high time you knew.

Your friend,

The Lord

No. 274: When Donald Meets Mueller (scenes from a deposition)

Today, instead of our usual drivel,

Will Shakespeare's Richard II will snivel.

KING RICHARD II

...What more remains?

NORTHUMBERLAND

No more, but that you read

These accusations and these grievous crimes

Committed by your person and your followers

Against the state and profit of this land;

That, by confessing them, the souls of men

May deem that you are worthily deposed.

KING RICHARD II

Must I do so? and must I ravel out

My weaved-up folly? Gentle Northumberland,

If thy offences were upon record,

Would it not shame thee in so fair a troop

To read a lecture of them? If thou wouldst,

There shouldst thou find one heinous article,

Containing the deposing of a king

And cracking the strong warrant of an oath,

Mark’d with a blot, damn’d in the book of heaven:

Nay, all of you that stand and look upon,

Whilst that my wretchedness doth bait myself,

Though some of you with Pilate wash your hands

Showing an outward pity; yet you Pilates

Have here deliver’d me to my sour cross,

And water cannot wash away your sin.

NORTHUMBERLAND

My lord, dispatch; read o’er these articles.

— Richard II, Act IV, Scene 1

No. 273.1: EXTRA! Our President's Rank

Where does Donald Trump rank on the list of American presidents?

— NYT: How Does Trump Stack Up Against the Best — and Worst —Presidents? (Paywall)

This just in: PRESIDENTS RANKED!

Here is the gist: Donald gets spanked.

GOP historians warrant

as our leader he is abhorrent,

placing him at number 40.

Are they annoyed because he so naughty?

Dems, natch, rank him last

in the present, the future and in the past.

Independents keeping their hands in

have him one step up from Buchanan.

No. 273: “Intelligence” (or Knowing Our Place)

A bad idea

“Intelligence” is, it turns out.

Whatever idiot thought of it,

should be shot and taken out.

And though it may vex us,

it's better than sex is:

that urge to keep going

all the while knowing

we're actually going

nowhere.

How is that fair?

Nature creates us,

sex agitates us,

thus forcing us

to propagate us.

We overrate us

(surprise, surprise)

casting ourselves

as the good guys.

An iffy surmise.

We cannot know

what all of this means.

We're merely extras

in some crowd scenes.

No. 272.2: EXTRA! Trump Responds To Russian Indictments

“The Russia-Trump collusion story is a total hoax, when will this taxpayer funded charade end?”
— WaPo, Trump’s Russia ‘hoax’ turns out to be real (Paywall)

I tell ya folks

I still say it's a hoax

invented by those

Dumb-as-crap jokes.

I'd no sooner collude

than cheat on my wife.

Colluding is rude,

so not on your life.

This talk of collusion

constitutes an intrusion

into admin affairs.

Just tell the Dems

who love to condemn,

someday they're gonna get theirs.

I'm not gonna threaten

but I'm never lettin'

this Mueller punk

get me excited

he'll be out the door

or dead on the floor

before I'm ever indicted.

As to Dem rebukes

don't forget I've got nukes.

On my desk there's

this gorgeous red button.

With one little push,

I make them shush

turning them into roast mutton.

No. 272.1: EXTRA! Some Questions For RNC Leadership

GOP,
how can you
continue to be

so disconcerty?
Did your mom never say,

“If you swim in the muck

you’re gonna get dirty.”?

Did you think you’d end

your electoral slump

by holding your noses

and partnering Trump?

He’s from New York —

worse even from Queens.

Now, I am no genius

but I know what that means.

And worse yet

he did construction.

Which in NY and NJ

equals corruption.

(This includes Jared

and Chris Christie who

locked Jared’s dad up

for a year. Or was it two?)

The porn queen thing?

I cannot surmise

that this could have come

as a total surprise.

And, this just in,
the Playboy chick
who he offered to pay
for one or two tricks.
Talk about sick.

Do I hear you say,

“This babe's not reliable”?

If it comes to that

neither's your Bible

which is merely myth

you're comfortable with.

And now more excitement:

the Russia indictment.

If it is not collusion

it bespeaks confusion

among unwitting dimwits

in Trump's inner orbit.

(News is breaking so fast

I cannot absorb it!)

You were not fussy

'bout Trump's grabbing pussy.

BUT Huckabee Sanders

as his lying hussy!

THAT crosses a line

that’s not even fine.

This minister’s daughter

sloshing dirty bathwater!?
Talk about leading
lambs to the slaughter.

I am not distorting

herewith reporting

that Jesus, your guy,

nowhere speaks of deporting.

The erection of walls

that break families
would be anomalies

in all his homilies.

So, GOP Christians

get real. On the level:

do you actually think

you can dance with the devil?

Yeah, right! Sure.

God works in strange ways.

And maybe we are at

The End Of Days.

BUT IF WE ARE NOT

(or if we are)

your embrace of Trump

is more than bizarre.

To reach your goals

you’ve sold your souls.

I doubt even the God

who you claim is living

could manage to be

all THAT forgiving.