No. 272: Henry VIII, an appreciation by Donald J. Trump (age 15)

TCCN EXCLUSIVE!

Seth Poppel/Yearbook Library

* * * * E X C L U S I V E * * * *

Theatrical Cement Company News has exclusively obtained exclusively a poem by President Donald J. Trump written during his stay at New Gurley Military Academy. “Henry VIII, an appreciation” was printed in Spurs & Bones, the New Gurley Military Academy literary magazine, in April 1962 when the future president was a fifteen-year-old sophomore.

As far as TCCN can determine, this is the last time Mr. Trump wrote anything other than his name without paid professional assistance.

I don't see the big deal.

He had sex appeal.
(And sex disease.)

Henry was king.

Kings do as they please.

Girlfriends and wives?

You own their lives.

Catherine of Aragon

wife number one,

from Spain

(or maybe Mexico?),

did not bare a son.

So he divorced her

as was his right regal

and I gotta tell ya

she was illegal —

his dead brother's widow

so Henry's her brother.

(Or something or other.)

Mrs. H. Two?
Oh, Anne Boleyn,

who Henry discovered
was guilty as sin.

After one daughter
and three miscarriages

Henry decided to
undo their marriage.

Wishing her dead,

he lopped off her head

which he could do

being king like I said.

Number three,

Jane Seymour,

gave him his son

then up and died,

son of a gun.

That's how it goes,

you lose some,

you winsome.

Anne of Cleves. . .

bigly mistake!

Portrait was fake.

He pensioned her off.

Give me a break.

Catherine Howard,
wife number five.

Like cheatin' Annie,
she did not survive.

With someone else
she went to bed,

so Henry said,
“Off with her head!”

Known for her looks
Catherine Parr, wife six,
wrote books.
She outlived him.
After her last (fourth!) time
as a bride she died.

These are the sex wives of Henry the Eight

and I gotta tell ya each earned their fate.

He was THE man, they were just women.

Men are important, girls window trimmin'.

When women refuse to stay in their place

sometimes you gotta punch them in their face.