Saturday, February 24, 2018

No. 277.2: EXTRA! Donald Trump And The Curse Of The Evangelicals


This president’s effect on our cultural norms has been shocking. His critics would call it appalling; evangelicals say it’s immensely satisfying: They’ve seen a culture deteriorate quickly in the past decade, and they’re looking for a bold culture warrior to fight for them. Showing that God does indeed have a sense of humor, He gave them Mr. Trump. 

With at last a president who's God's plenipotentiary
we can repeal the twentieth century
and return again to the glory days
of a great President Rutherford Hayes*.

Trump is soooo sympathetic, generous, gentle
and, dare I say so, a tad sentimental.
When he sees no pretty women there
his hands are invariably folded in prayer.

We Evangelicals are in pursuit
of anyone we can persecute
in God's name, so we're not to blame
if the Lord and us think just the same.

Our God hates queers and same-sex marriage.
Our God hates anyone we choose to disparage.
Our God loves true Christian home schooling.
Our God loves five-four conservative rulings.

Of course, we'd prefer that Donald repent
but even the Devil was heaven sent.
Sometimes, you know, doing God's will,
you just have to deal with a load of pig swill.
________________________
*Hayes' election was less than deft,
a blatant, outrageous, electoral theft.
He ended post-Civil War Reconstruction
pretend he was ending “corruption”.
He used U.S. Army to suppress railway workers.
(The only way to treat striking shirkers.)

Friday, February 23, 2018

No. 277.1: EXTRA! I Tell Ya Folks, It's All A Hoax?


Rick Gates, a former top official in President Trump’s campaign, is expected to plead guilty Friday to charges brought by special counsel Robert S. Mueller III in his investigation of Russia’s interference in the 2016 election and cooperate with prosecutors, according to a person familiar with the situation.

As Robert Mueller tightens the noose
we're left to wait for Donald's excuse.
Was he misled, in over his head?
In Russia something he did in bed
that's best left unsaid?

When, at long last, Donald's led to the pillory
will he still be insisting we investigate Hillary?

No. 277: Trump vs. Oprah (Round 1?)



Once, when we were pals —
I mean way, waaay back —
Oprah had all the advantages.
What with being Black.
And a woman to boot!
What did I have?
Okay. . .I was kinda “cute”,
the son of a millionaire.
Oprah did not have those burdens  to bear.
I mean, come on now. How was that fair?

She just had to strive, struggle and save
while I always had to take more than I gave.
Now who's the slave?!

She had incentive
she could count on.
Who did I have? 
A lousy dad?
Howard Stern?
My fag “mentor”, 

So, “Ms BIG O”, 
you thinking of running?
Okay. Gloves off, say I, 
“Bring. It. On!
Your defeat will be stunning!”
You think with Hillary you saw attacks?
You forget how my Russians hate all of you Blacks!


Thursday, February 22, 2018

No. 276: Pathology 101

He was born in the same year as Ted Bundy,
a Republican, too, who might have one day
run for president had he stayed a sex predator,
and not advanced to become a mass murderer.

So. . .has the time arrived — finally! — to ask:
Is Donald J. Trump a sociopath?
Seriously. . .when you review the checklist*,
this conclusion becomes awfully hard to resist.

______________
*
✔  glib and superficial charm
✔ grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
✔  need for stimulation
✔  pathological lying
✔  cunning and manipulativeness
✔  lack of remorse or guilt
✔  shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
✔  callousness and lack of empathy
__   parasitic lifestyle
✔  poor behavioral controls
✔  sexual promiscuity
✔  early behavior problems
__    lack of realistic long-term goals
✔  impulsivity
✔  irresponsibility
✔  failure to accept responsibility for own actions
✔  many short-term marital relationships
__   juvenile delinquency
__   revocation of conditional release
✔  criminal versatility
(list adapted from  The Psychopath Next Door)

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

No. 275: God's Memo To Donald (Top Secret: EYES-ONLY)

Dear Donald,

Stay calm.
No cause for alarm.
Nevertheless,
let me stress: 
I wish you no harm.

That being said
(and this part I dread),
there is some stuff
we need to discuss.

(And, no, these discussions 
do not concern Russians,
although those disruptions 
may have repercussions.)

It's time someone said it.
The women you've bedded — 
the wives, the porn stars 
the Playboy bunnies — 
they did you because
they thought it meant money.

Like I said,
stay calm,
do not lose your gourd,
but it's high time you knew.

Your friend,
The Lord


Tuesday, February 20, 2018

No. 274: When Donald Meets Mueller (scenes from a deposition)

Today, instead of our usual drivel,
Will Shakespeare's Richard II will snivel.

KING RICHARD II
...What more remains?

NORTHUMBERLAND
No more, but that you read
These accusations and these grievous crimes
Committed by your person and your followers
Against the state and profit of this land;
That, by confessing them, the souls of men
May deem that you are worthily deposed.

KING RICHARD II
Must I do so? and must I ravel out
My weaved-up folly? Gentle Northumberland,
If thy offences were upon record,
Would it not shame thee in so fair a troop
To read a lecture of them? If thou wouldst,
There shouldst thou find one heinous article,
Containing the deposing of a king
And cracking the strong warrant of an oath,
Mark’d with a blot, damn’d in the book of heaven:
Nay, all of you that stand and look upon,
Whilst that my wretchedness doth bait myself,
Though some of you with Pilate wash your hands
Showing an outward pity; yet you Pilates
Have here deliver’d me to my sour cross,
And water cannot wash away your sin.

NORTHUMBERLAND
My lord, dispatch; read o’er these articles.

Richard II, Act IV, Scene 1

Monday, February 19, 2018

No. 273.1: EXTRA! Our President's Rank

Where does Donald Trump rank on the list of American presidents?

This just in: PRESIDENTS RANKED!
Here is the gist: Donald gets spanked.
GOP historians warrant
as our leader he is abhorrent,
placing him at number 40.
Are they annoyed because he so naughty?
Dems, natch, rank him last
in the present, the future and in the past.
Independents keeping their hands in
have him one step up from Buchanan.

No. 273: “Intelligence” (or Knowing Our Place)


A bad idea
Intelligence” is, it turns out.
Whatever idiot thought of it,
should be shot and taken out.

And though it may vex us,
it's better than sex is:
that urge to keep going
all the while knowing
we're actually going
nowhere.
How is that fair?

Nature creates us,
sex agitates us,
thus forcing us
to propagate us.

We overrate us
(surprise, surprise)
casting ourselves
as the good guys.
An iffy surmise.

We cannot know
what all of this means.
We're merely extras
in some crowd scenes.