No. CXIX: Repeal Replace Stragedy

From: The Donald

To: McConnell

Mr. Majority “Leader”. What is the deal?

After your brilliant Supreme Court seat steal*,

I thought we were good with health care repeal?!

Collins, Murkowski? Those two! Again!

Those damned bitches are such a pain...

I have to rely on John McCain's "brain".

(With Pence who may any moment get "raptured",

I gotta depend on a guy that got captured!)

Gotta repeal Amendment 19.

Women voting, Founding FATHERS! would find obscene.

Women are fine. In their place. If not pushy.

(For when you feel like grabbing some [REDACTED].)

I think that's all. At least for now.

Love workin' with your wife, Elaine Chao†.

A seven! When younger, I bet...a WOW! 

____________________

*Not to worry how that one'll look

in your great-great-great grandkids history book.
†Secretary of Transportation.

No. CXVIII: Sperm Count Decline (a GOP response)

Guardian: Sperm counts among western men have halved in last 40 years – study

Reasons for the ‘shocking’ drop are unclear, say researchers, and represent a huge and neglected area of public health

OMG! THEY've corrupted our bodily fluids!

Call EMS! No wait! Call the Druids!

We need to tap into our roots Anglo-Saxon

before Libs and Dems insist there's a tax on.

Oh? You say a Druid's a Celt?

And, therefore, rhymes with F. D. Roosevelt?
Commies, commies, why can't our mommies

protect us from all these Obami-

nations. Oh dear, I've wet my jammies.

If PURE western sperm is reduced to a wheeze,
how long before we're all Chinese?
JEEZ!

No. CXVII: What's It All About, Donald?

Trum-panic?

Manic.

Trump-quisition?

Traumatic.

Trum-pocalypse?

Emphatic.

Something ain't right up in the attic.

Uncouth from youth, 

unencumbered by truth.

Spewing BS — two hundred proof.

No. CXVI: Why Obamacare Repeal Stalled

Guardian: 'Female senators' to blame for health bill struggle, says Republican congressman

Blake Farenthold of Texas appears to suggest that if those senators were male, he might challenge them to a duel ‘Aaron Burr-style’

Blake Farenthold criticized ‘female senators
from the north-east’ over the bill’s failure to pass.
Photograph: Jacquelyn Martin/AP 

Blake, Blake,

for heaven's sake!

A stud like you

(see photo view)

knows what to do.

(How to vote, too!)

But women-folk—well,

from what I hear tell,

if you can't refute 'em

you want to shoot 'em?

(That harassment report,

you settled out of court?
That kind of sex is
what y'all do in Texas?)

Use charm and be winsome.

That's how you convince 'em.

Make pals with them gals

from different locales.

And you will note

now they get to vote

gals hold to the tenet

they belong in the Senate!?

And once they gets in

(hold onto your Stetson),

they won't always do

what guys tell 'em to.

Though it is a trevail,

you will prevail.

See The Handmaid's Tale.

No. CXV: Bye Breed Alone

it takes three weeks to make a house mouse
and three times that for a cat

nine months in a womb

will turn out a human

(undoubtedly due  

to illumined acumen

an elephant takes twenty-two)

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