№ 742.2: EXTRA! All We Want For Christmas Is. . .

Confederate groups' presence leads to scrapping of Christmas parades

• Two North Carolina towns call off events fearing ‘disruption’
• ‘We just absolutely had to err on the side of public safety

ANOTHER DAY OF INFAMY (December 7)

(with apologies to Irving Berlin)

We're dreamin' of a WHITE CHRISTmas

just like the ones we used to know

we're politickin' fer cotton pickin'

Down here, cotton is our snow

We're dreamin' of a WHITE CHRISTmas

with Stars and Bars still flying high

when grey coat heroes beat Northern Neros

and clouds like Jesus fill the sky

We're dreamin' of a WHITE CHRISTmas

where we determine who can vote

we're buildin' walls to keep out all

those folks who stick in our throat

We're dreamin' of a WHITE CHRISTmas

only WHITE CHRISTIANS need apply

what Lincoln meant is decadent

Jeff Davis is our guy

We're dreamin' of a WHITE CHRISTmas

which will extend throughout the year

Then, with great Southern cheer,

we will buy Brett Kavanaugh a beer

№ 742.1: EXTRA! Rudy's A Wake Inning

Pressure builds for Giuliani as associate enters talks over potential plea deal

Pressure to cut deal comes after revelations that Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman are ‘likely’ to face more charges, attorney says

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FORESEEABLE FUTURE (December 6)

(with apologies to Meredith Wilson)

Rudy Giuliani!

What a shameful name

And he has no one but himself to blame

Rudy Giuliani, the indictment will say,

soon someday will be put away

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani

let me say it once again

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani

you're headin' for The Pen

In truth there is a rational explanation

how we ar-rived at this ironical situation

it has to do with crim-inal facil-itation

you're all mobbed up

you were born corrupt

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani,

just like Donnie

you're another aging crooked clown,

and Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani,

Rudy Giuliani,

you're goin' down

[corrected 12/6/2019 3:00 pm]

№ 742: Eurocentric Euroskeptic (best use for humans)

SOMEDAY SOON (December 5)

Europeans should not be in Australia,
New Zealand or anywhere near.
Nor should we have ever been 
permitted to settle this hemisphere.
We must return to ancestral lands,
where we belong, where we came from,
not North or Central or South America,
and certainly not the Caribbean.
We “Europeans” must go back to Africa
from whence all Homo Saps. came,
along with other invasive degraders, 
who are too many to bother to name.
This belief, in brief, is my thesis:
Sapiens being a destructive species,
no place on Earth would feel bereft
if all of us simply got up and left.
Our withdrawal and/or retirement
would, in short order, restore the environment.
Even in Africa, which would defeat us —
what with all the things there ready to eat us.
Lions, crocs, leopards, cheetahs, hyenas
would quickly come to prefer us to zebras.
Feeble prey, we'd be eagerly sought —
tasty, safely and easily caught.

№ 741: Trumpism Triumphant (why it will work until it does not)

REALITY CHECK (December 4)

The nuts and bolts
of governing dolts
is ever so easily mastered
especially
if you happen to be
an arrogant, ignorant bastard,
a Dunning Kruger case
with nary a trace
of decency and, without doubt,
a cheater and liar
with ample spare tire —
in short, a buffoon and a lout.
A Falstaff sans charm
who would cause alarm
bells to ring were there still any such.
But bells are now muffled,
feathers never get ruffled,
so nobody pays all that much
attention and without apprehension
they cannot comprehend the disastrous dimension,
the upcoming thud, the final kerplunk,
destined to flow from following Trump.

№ 740: As Truth Serum In Diet Coke Slowly Takes Affect

JUDGMENT DAY (December 3)


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(with apologies to Gilles Thibaut, Jacques Revaux and Paul Anka)

I know I am the best
of that I am dead certain
the truth has set me free
I could have tay-ken Liz from Burton
I am like unto a god
the paths I've trod would form a skyway
All else must be dismissed
there's only my way

Regrets, no not a one
except perhaps those FAKE NEWS liars
I wish I could extract
their finger nails with scalding pliers
It is my dream to hear them scream,
renounce the “facts” to which they'd hold me,
with im-peach-ment thus dismissed,
I would have my way

I learned from Corrupt Cohn, ya gotta keep on goin'
when cornered, double down with never weakness showin'
obfuscate, engender doubt,
that is what it's all about
stall, enthrall, appall
and that is my way

I've lied, I've bribed, I've tried
so many crimes I can't remember
and now my great backside
has subsumed my shrunken member
to think I did all that
and can walk Scot-free away
I say gleefully
I did it my way

For what is TRUMP, a bulging gut,
a balding Dunning Kruger nut,
a lout, a Scottish Kraut
who cares for no one else about,
a trope, a dupe, a dope
I did it my way

Whoops, I should say Vlad's way

№ 739: Convention '68 Revisited (a sort of dialogue with no listeners)

Email subscribers click here.

END TIMES (December 2)

(with apologies to Graham Nash)

[The Left]
We are in an awful mess,
we are stuck deep in the muck.
We should change some things in DC for a start.
Evict the White House resident whose tweets daily run amok,
who, des-pite flamboyant boasting, is not really ALL that smart.
We could change the world, rearrange the world
It's dying — oh, forget it. . .

[The Right]
Pol-i-tish-an Christians with our hair big time on fire,

we have sold our souls for this Devil's spawn.

We be-lieve Sweet Jesus gifted us this hab-it-u'l liar

who struts and frets and mumbles while waddling on the lawn.

He will change the world, rearrange the world 

His lying — he ignores “Constitution”.

His lying — Hallelujah Te Deum.

His lying — there's profit in pollution.

His lying — rules and regulations, who needs them; 
we don't want Al Gore.

Corporations must be free, that's what John Roberts wrote.

We must keep low-caste, non-Christians in their place.

While poisoning the oceans, by con-trol-ing who can vote,

we will end abortion and gay marriage with God's grace.

We are changing the world, rearranging the world

To suit us — it's our own justice

To suit us — it's our own freedom

To suit us — so what the planet is dying

It suits us —  immigrants, we don't need them; 
bar the border door.

[The Center]

UNLESS

№ 738: Cursory Post-Cautionary

Climate emergency: ‘world may have crossed tipping points’

Warning of ‘existential threat to civilisation’ as impacts lead to cascade of unstoppable events

The world may already have crossed a series of climate tipping points, according to a stark warning from scientists. This risk is “an existential threat to civilisation”, they say, meaning “we are in a state of planetary emergency”.

ITS TOO LATE BABY (December 1)

Do not sing a song of protest
to the dark'ning sky.
We destroyed the planet
now we're gonna die.

We invented agriculture,
thus began our fall,
rend'ring us a vulture brunch
Sunday at the mall.

Not only can't we help ourselves,
we also can't turn back.
Just watch it all unravel
and then fade to black.

Whether royal or peasant,
whether guy or dame,
worms don't see a difference.
We all taste the same.

Bonus track