№ 827: Sermonette (a nonsense)

The Apocalypse as an ‘Unveiling’: What Religion Teaches Us About the End Times (Paywall)

For people of many faiths, and even none at all, it can feel lately like the end of the world is near. Not only is there a plague, but hundreds of billions of locusts are swarming East Africa. Wildfires have ravaged Australia, killing an untold number of animals. A recent earthquake in Utah even shook the Salt Lake Temple to the top of its iconic spire, causing the golden trumpet to fall from the angel Moroni’s right hand.

REPENT CITY (April 2) —

We “know” from the Ravings of St. John (the Demented)

that the present Apocalypse can not be prevented.

God is (at this time) BIG TIME annoyed

and whatever measures might be deployed

will count for naught.

“Sinfulness” brought us

this sorry state.

(We are not “sorry”,

but we DO worry

about our fate.)

Sin, to begin, is fine if you win.

People will grin when you're reeking of gin

if you can deliver the goods;

they never notice they're lost in the woods.

Our “democracy” stinks with hypocrisy.

It is, I would hold, theocratic plutocracy.

I get weary of conspiracy theories,

of believers who whimper and whine,

incoherently quoting St. John (the Punchline).

№ 826: Pro-Life In Extremis

THE LIGHT DAWNS (April 1) —

ALL THAT a virus is tryin' t'do

is t'make more baby viruses.

We, too, are God's children 

(and in on the joke) . . .

we reckon this should inspire us.

Destroying viruses out of proportion

seems to us akin to abortion.

Although we are certain God does admire us,

we also suspect he PRE-fers his viruses.

№ 825: The Art Of The Squeak (an April Fool)

ALTERNATE REALITY (March 31) —

WHAT IF this virus is not really THAT deadly?

What if it's really a FAKE?

Like everyone else ever got in my way,

this virus has made a mistake.

I ALWAYS win. You just have to trust me.

And when I fail? There's always bank-RUPT-cy.
Everyone tells me the whole world admires me,
why would not that hold for these damned little virii.

№ 824: America First

SAD CITY (March 30) —
[Updated 3/31 10:16 am]

Thank you, Donald. America’s first.

Though few have been tested, we've got most infected.

You are “perfection”. You’ve done again.

You've earned yourself another “10”.
So thank you, Donald. We owe all to you.
We're #1 because you're #2.

№: 823: Why A Virus, Why Now? (a true Christian's understanding)

TRUE BELIEVERS (March 29) —
CLEARLY, this virus is divine retribution
for the too many sins of Americans.
God, as you know, was okay with slaves
and down with the slaughter of Indians.
(It was his plan — our stealing their land.
He said, “Do it and do not pester me.”
As true believers, we did as he bid.
We called it our Manifest Destiny.)

But a woman’s sovereignty over her body?
The notion of female equality?
Women are chattel, moreover, they prattle
and frequently fall into frivolity.
(We do permit them — under duress! —
provided, of course, they undress.)

Same-sex marriage? A sin. Which God deplores.
Though he never says so. Explicitly.
Fortunately, we, his chosen explorers
understand what he means. Implicitly.
(Sometimes it seems God hasn't a clue,
so we must tell him what he wants us to do.)