№ 492.3: EXTRA! Trumperica The Vaudeville

My supersize outrageous lies
my pyrite towers tall
my regal illegalities
my hands are not that small
I'm Donald Trump, I'm Donald Trump
I'm Donald Trump that's me
It's understood I am no good
ask Nancy Pelosi

Oh beautiful for Patriot dream
they are my favorite team
I think it's neat
the way they cheat
you know what I mean
America America
you're heading for a fall
and with me as President
you had best call Saul

№ 492.2: EXTRA! Pence Pensive (a Macbeth moment)

Stocks commencing their Great Donald Dive
got Mike Pence thinking, “Lan sakes alive.
These market slips, stumbles and dips. . .
I don't know. . .could it be. . .Apocalypse?
Is there a fifth horseman — with enormous hips! —
not mentioned in Ravings of St. John the Demented
bringing woe GREAT and unprecedented?

“With him condemned and me righteously saved
has my path to the White House already been paved?
I, after all, do the Lord's work,
while Donald is, let's face it, a jerk.
‘President Pence’? Ascendant. Resplendent.
Time to invoke that fatal amendment?”

[updated 12/22/2018 12:05 am]

№ 492.1: EXTRA! It's Now Or Never (Taking A Chance On Pence)

Amendment XXV
Section 4.
Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

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It's now or never

so come on Pence

you gotta face it

you're not that dense

Tomorrow will be to late

It's now or never

you just can't wait

You may be right wing

and maybe crazy

but you're not Donald

who's whoops-a-daisy

We need a lifeline

and now is the right time

you're our best chance

and it may be the last

It's now or never

so come on Pence

you gotta face it

you're not that dense

Tomorrow will be to late

It's now or never

you just can't wait

Use the amendment

so you can replace Trump

God does not want you

to sit on your rump

So organize it

gather your nerve

you know full well

he's unfit to serve

It's now or never,

so come on Pence

you gotta face it

you're not that dense

Tomorrow will be to late

It's now or never

you just can't wait

№ 492: Cheat Charity (it's the fraud that counts)

Guardian: Trump Foundation to shut down after lawsuit exposes ‘pattern of illegality’

Trump had used the charity to pay off legal settlements within his business and even to buy a painting of himself to hang in one of his golf clubs.

Today we've only a very short “pome”.

For Donald Trump, charity began at home.

And to be truthful, honest and fair

we do have to note it also stayed there.

№ 491.1: EXTRA! The Cheese Stands Alone

I don't need generals.
Except for the pomp.
I don't need anyone.
I'm Donald Trump.

The Fed raises rates.
The market collapses.
Nothing I did.
Not even perhapses.

A woman, a country?
You rule one, you screw one.
If you're not happy,
you want a new one.

I inhale hairspray
in fine aerosol
which O-zones my brain
to want a wall.

[updated 12/20/2018 10:25 pm]

№ 491: The Pre-Fossil's Creed

“Sic transit gloria, abandon all hope,”

is writ large on the wall when you're born.

Nevertheless, some of us manage to cope 

while others take up religion or other op-

iates, and thereby give cause for Marxists to scorn.

Religion and Socialists imagine perfections,

concocting all sorts of lovely confections

which, on inspection, never reflect

anything anyone sane would erect.

These inveterate optimists should be sent to a shrink so

they'll stop making up things “pretty to think so”.

№ 490: Future News — My Faire Donald Indicted

(with apologies to Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Lowe)

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I got indicted just this mornin',

although there really was no crime.

Just some confusion concerning collusion.

Rudy tells me it'll all be fine.

I saw it all on FOX this mornin'.

They said I'm lookin' at hard time.

Mueller's a hard on.

I beg my pardon.

Not to worry it's gonna be just fine.

Melanie, go fetch me

my Diet Coke.

They can't upset me,

whole thing is a joke.

Tho' I got indicted just this mornin'.

They know I'm guilty real big time,

but they can't convict me

or even restrict me.

I swear on my life,

like I cheat on my wife,

the whole damn thing is sure to turn out fine.

I got indicted just this mornin',

although there really was no crime.

Did Junior back flip? Did Eric jump ship?

Makes no diff, it'll still be fine.

Been watching FOX & Friends all mornin'

Not been a really happy time.

And tho' I'm stable,

I cut the cable.

Maybe there'll only be a fine?

Will all my lyin'

now bring me down?

Will they for screwin'

run me outta town?

I got indicted just this mornin',

although there really was no crime.

Take pity on me.

Don't Roseanne Barr me.

Please say everything. . .

I could be you king. . .

Please, please tell me that I'll be fine.

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№ 489: The Art Of The Con by Trump, Donald John (Cohn densed edition)

My political secret, 

let me tell you,

I lie all I like 

insisting it's true.

I ignore evidence.

I dismiss facts.

I attack fiercely.

I always hit back. 

Negative news?

Opposing views?

I reply,

“Obvious ruse.”

I abuse.  

I accuse.

I cannot lose.

If you want to succeed in today's politics
forget about yesterday's old dirty tricks.

No need to hoodwink.
Be crude and uncouth.
My people think

I'm telling the truth.

№ 488: How Democracy Could Be Made To Work (an Ayn Randy/Jim-Dandy/Koch Bros Ideal)

Do not try to tell me democracy works!

You like being governed by losers and jerks?

Said Jefferson 😇, “God” created men equal 😉.

In the beginning. We're in the sequel.

Which — no surprise — is appalling flawed. 

Presents for peasants! I mean, Good Lord!

S-l-o-o-o-o-w, low IQ beggars and debtors

who think they're better than us, their betters,

and, stubborn, refuse to yield to our will

which leaves us no option. Other than kill.

THAT sort of democracy would be an improvement.

As after a blockage is a bowel movement.