No. 212.1: EXTRA! Trump does Jagger, sings TIME Is On My Side (no it's not!)

In March, in an interview with the magazine [Time] itself, he returned to the subject, saying: “I assume this is going to be a cover too, have I set the record? I guess, right? Covers, nobody’s had more covers.”

Trump has not had the most Time cover appearances. At the time of his Time interview he had 11, a long way behind Richard Nixon’s 55. According to Time’s own count, he has now appeared on its cover 14 times. — Guardian: Trump 'incorrect' over Time person of the year claims, magazine says

Fake news. Lying press.

Think they know better than me, I guess.

So what if Nixon had 55?

That doesn't count. He's not alive.

Fifty-six isn't beyond my reach, see!

I can print* one per day until they impeach me!

That'll give me time aplenty:

56 days till January twenty,

marking my first anniversary.

Okay, Bob Mueller, you come and get me!

——————

*WaPo: A Time magazine with Trump on the cover hangs in his golf clubs. It’s fake. (Paywall)

No. 212: Donald Shows Parental Concern

President Trump wants daughter Ivanka Trump and son-in-law Jared Kushner to return to New York because they're being damaged by bad press. — Metro: Trump wants Jared and Ivanka to return to New York

I feel distressed,
getting you kids

into this mess.
Seeing your names

in the headlines.

(In type 

larger than MINE.)

Go back to New York.

It'll be great!

Buy a small farm.

Someplace upstate!
You'll be happier there

with all the animals

and the fresh air!
Great for my grandkids.

Better for you!

(Can you can take Eric

and Don Junior, too?)

No. 211: Thanksgrieving Song

On to the highway, past shopping malls,

to see Grandma at the home.

Is this the way? 
Don't tell her you're gay!

Stop texting on the phone.

On to the highway, past shopping malls...

(Why DID we 
have kids, anyway?)

In we will pop, then we'll go to shop.

Sales start on Thanksgiving Day.

(with apologies to Lydia Maria Francis Child* who wrote the version we sang in grammar school.)
———————————
*Lydia Maria Francis Child (born Lydia Maria Francis) (February 11, 1802 – October 20, 1880), was an American abolitionist, women's rights activist, Native American rights activist, novelist, journalist, and opponent of American expansionism. [Sufficient reasons, these, for our never having heard of her. Redundant, though. Her being a woman and all. No cheating. DO NOT LOOK AT BEGINNING OF PARAGRAPH! What was her name? (Yeah, me too.)]

Her journals, both fiction and domestic manuals, reached wide audiences from the 1820s through the 1850s. At times she shocked her audience as she tried to take on issues of both male dominance and white supremacy in some of her stories.

Despite these challenges, Child may be most remembered for her poem "Over the River and Through the Wood." Her grandparents' house, which she wrote about visiting, was restored by Tufts University in 1976 and stands near the Mystic River on South Street, in Medford, Massachusetts. — Wikipedia (more)

No. 210: Colossus Shrugged (We're Gonna Be Alt-Right)

First they came for the scientists, 
and I did not speak out —
Because I was not a scientist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, 
and I did not speak out —
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Latins, 
the Muslims, 
the Blacks, 
the Jews, 
the feminists, 
the LGBTQs,  
the publicity hacks,
the Medicaid recipients, 
the tired, 
the poor, 
the huddled masses yearning 
to breathe our air, 
the wretched refuse 
of our teeming shore 
(and still they sought more,
nearly everyone really), 
and I did not speak out —
Because, well, push come to shove,
I was “none of above”, 
as God is my witness,
it was none of my business.
And, besides, 
I despised all those guys.

(The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil
is the natural coarse of human events.)

Click

(with apologies to Martin Niemöller, Emma Lazarus, Edmund Burke and. especially, Gerry and the Pacemakers)

No. 209.1: EXTRA! S-E-X

These exploding sex scandals

run really deep.

Is there even one guy left

who isn't a creep?

Moore and Franken

have the morals of plankton.

Weinstein and Rose,

just regular bro's.

Should we give up pretense

or moral order

and freely fondle friends'

wives and daughters?

To the best of our ability

act like medieval nobility?

Maybe Mike Pence makes sense.

Should we let his way commence?

(Maybe go gaudier

like they do in Saudia?

To avoid all temptation

for the sake of the nation

keep women always in hibernation?)

If we are actually draining the dump...

(Write your own line ending with Trump.)

No. 209: Speedo Credo: A Tight Fit

I'm a believer, so naturally,

my God always agrees with me.

We're best buds 4ever

no whiff of a tiff

and there is never 

“how come? what if?”

Whenever my pastor

says something untrue,

that's not a disaster

I change my pew.

I search for a church

where what is taught

is exactly what I always thought.

NOT something new.
What I know is true.

I love God above.

He fits like a glove.

Unlike, need I say,

the one handed O.J.