Friday, July 6, 2018

№ 372: The Godlies

The problem is, between me and you,
these saintly people who know what to do.
True believers, who think they're anointed
to ensure God's nose is not out-of-jointed
by anyone even attempting to do
anything they consider taboo.
(Things, I suspect, they'd do if they dared to.)

Thursday, July 5, 2018

№ 371: Critical Mass?

WaPo: Is God male? The Episcopal Church debates whether to change its Book of Common Prayer (Paywall)
This week, the church is debating whether to overhaul that prayer book — in large part to make clear that God doesn’t have a gender.

WAIT! STOP THE PRESS! THIS IS JUST IN!
And you know it's important.
It's Episcopalian.
Church of England?
Established by royal decree?
To enforce first divorce
of eighth king named Henry?
Previously, Henry, ensconced on his throne,
'gainst protesting heretics sided with Rome,
later decreed C of E would go it alone,
telling pope's dagos to pack and go home.

With the world dissolving in problems confounding,
I find this discussion, frankly, astounding.
Pronoun obsession, Book Of Common Prayer?
DUH! HELL - O! Is anyone there?
Such extreme theological naval lint gazing,
even for heads-in-clouds preachers. . .A - MA - ZING!
Are refugee crises, environmental collapses
less important than grammar
if so perhaps, time's ripe to throw up
our hands and say what's the use
and admit god is Mammon. . .
and Hera and Zeus.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

№ 370.1: EXTRA! Invasion Of Piracy



(with apologies to Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice)

I can invade Venezuela.
If I want to, who's there to stop me.
I've got Marines, Army and Air Force,
Navy and Coast Guard,
and soon my Space Force.

№ 370: Our Ancestors

Down through the ages, history's pages
say the best, in the end, win.
We relish these stories of long ago glories. . .
tell them to children without chagrin.

Our ancestors knew what they had to do
to make sure their descendants would be me and you.
It was not always pretty. It was not always fair.
(It rarely is begetting an heir.)

Brave and true, noble and strong,
they killed any men who didn't belong,
bred the daughters and wives (most pretty, most blessed)
which on the whole cut down on incest.

Give a cheer for these rapists and murderers,
the ancestors we hold so dear.
If they had not been murderers and rapists,
you and I would not be here.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

№ 369: Religious Revival

If your soul you need to renew, 
consider becoming a Hindu.
Figure the odds.
With all of those gods. . .
one of  'ems gotta be true.

Monday, July 2, 2018

№ 368.1: EXTRA! To Flip Or Not Flip (is there a question?)

Guardian: Michael Cohen hints at flipping and says 'first loyalty' is to family – not Trump
Fixer who once said he would ‘take a bullet’ for Trump says: ‘I will not be a punching bag as part of anyone’s defense strategy’

When I said “take a bullet”
I was thinking Nerf gun.
I hear actual bullets
are not much fun.

And even Nerf bullets
make me feel queasy.
I’m very delicate.
I bruise really easy.

I do have experience 
if it comes to flipping.
Fixing Donald’s Big Macs.
(He’s stingy with tipping.)

I put family first!
BUT if offered a pardon. . .
I’ll keep my mouth shut
and tend the Rose Garden.

№ 368: To Bee Or Knot

NYT: The Wellness World’s Buzzy New Best Friend (Paywall)
Bees and all that come with them — minus the stings — are the latest beauty obsession.

When a forraging bee
finds blooming flowers,
she flies to her hive and dances,
telling her sisters
direction and distance
to delicious, nutritious bowers.
There is no celebration,
no congratulation,
although there is a buzz.
All of her sisters
get right to work because 
that is what a bee does.

Would the hive thrive
or even survive
had she not done her dance?
Bees, unlike us,
are not individualist.
A bee sees no need to “advance”.

For many a year,
bees have been here.
Bees saw T-rex depart.
Though we make a mess
and cause them distress,
bees, being ever so smart,
will carry on after we've gone.
Bees are stars,
ours is a bit part.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

№ 367.2 EXTRA! “Work Out” Or Wipe Out

President tells Fox he did not make concessions to Kim Jong-un
Trump in fact agreed to end military exercises with South Korea

Trump was pressed on whether he trusted Kim Jong-un, whom he met last month in Singapore and with whom he said he had “a great chemistry”, to make good on promises to destroy Pyongyang’s nuclear program.

“I made a deal with him, I shook hands with him, I really believe he means it,” said Trump. “Now, is it possible? Have I been in deals, have you been in things where, people didn’t work out? It’s possible.”


Kim and I made a deal,
as I've said before.
Kim and I made a deal.
We pinky swore.
If it doesn't work out,
I will be sore.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll stamp on the floor.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll give him what for.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll sleep with a whore.
(Which I'd do anyway,
as I've done before.)
But it has to work out,
we have great rapport.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll lie some more.
If it doesn't work out,
I will ignore it,
blame Obama
and say I abhor it,
thereby causing
a general uproar
to justify my
declaring war.
But if I do I'll have
much to account for.
(And we'll discover
what Mueller is for.)


The Week In Rearview (July 1, 2018)

Monday, June 25
№ 363: CORRECTIONS
   . . ."innumeral" is not a word. . .

Tuesday, June 26

№ 364: A Trump Tool
   Thirty silver. . .somethings?

Wednesday June 27

№ 365: Too Bits
   if you were famous

№ 365.1: EXTRA! GOOOOOAAAL!

   the final score

Thursday, June 28

№ 366: Hmmh. . . (or a failure to communicate)
   the “universal word”

Friday, June 29

№ 367: There Are No Words


№ 367.1: EXTRA! Obviously

   Far be it from me to ever condemn. . .

Email subscribers: Saturday, June 23 – Friday, June 29
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