№ 717.1 : EXTRA! When Donnie Goes Marching Home?

Trump, Lifelong New Yorker, Declares Himself a Resident of Florida (Paywall)

The president filed a “declaration of domicile” last month saying that his property in Palm Beach will be his permanent residence.

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YOU'LL BE SORRY (November 1)

(with apologies to Shelton Brooks)

Some of these days
you're gonna miss your Donnie
some of these days, days, days
you're gonna know it's true
you'll miss my lyin'
you'll miss the thievin',
low-down deceivin'
things that I do
you'll miss my phony
FOX Friends baloney
all the low-toney
dumb broads I screw
so when I leave you
I know it's gonna grieve you
you'll miss your big fat daddy Don
some of these days

For alternate musical accompaniment, click here.

[updated 11/1/2019 4:12 pm to add music credit]

№ 717: Donnie Ponders

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 31)

Why do the damned Dems call me dumb?

I'm smarter than your average Republicun.

Why attack me ad homonym?

Do they not see my superfluous jeans.

(I wonder what homonym means?)

Is it, for a start, that I say I'm smart

or that I love YES-SIR!-dumb-asses?

That my eyes are equipped to view eclipses

without having to don special glasses?

That with my long ties my gut is disguised?

That I pointlessly......punctuate.....with....ellipses? 
That I mistype Melanie? They think that a felony?

Would it kill them to say, “Trump's a smart fella

who, due to bone spurs, can't fold an umbrella?”

Some Dems even dare to call ME a loser.

Shaking their heads they say, “Dunning-Kruger!”

That's soooo unfair. I'm white and from Queens.

How would I know what such foreign stuff means?

№ 716: Donnie, Perhaps, Needs That Chap Peron Acting As His Chaperone (if Juan's not available, there's always Capone)

CRYSTAL BALL (October 30)

Juan Peron and “Donnie Trombone”,

a classical, brassical pair,

horn self-tooters, freebooting looters,

neither of whom deigned to care

about niceties or heed the advice-ities

of those who knew what they were doin',

both preferred the nonsensical

and in consequencical

reduced all about them to ruin.

Clever Lloyd-Weber, likely forever
alone, crying for thee, Argentina.

The unraveling fate of the Divided States?

As someone who thinks he's so smart says, 

“We'll see.”

№ 715.1: EXTRA! Tilting At Vindman

Firsthand account of Trump’s Ukraine call puts GOP in bind, emboldens Democrats (Paywall)

A top National Security Council official on Tuesday delivered a firsthand account of President Trump pressuring Ukraine to investigate his political rivals, putting congressional Republicans in a bind and emboldening Democrats as they moved toward their first impeachment vote Thursday.

Trump and his allies on TV lashed out at Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, who said his concerns about what he heard in Trump’s July 25 call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky drove him to notify his superiors. Trump dismissed Vindman as a “Never Trumper,” while some of his allies questioned the patriotism of the Army combat veteran because his family emigrated from the Soviet Union when he was 3.

Trump’s attack on the Purple Heart recipient unnerved Republicans in Congress, with several pushing back, albeit without naming the president. Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) called the offensive “misplaced and very unfortunate,” and said he had “full confidence” in Vindman “as an individual and his patriotism.”

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 30)

I suspected this guy right from the start.
Where is the paper work for his “Purple Heart”?
Anyway, my heart is red, white and blew.
And, don't forget, I had a uniform, too,
at my exclusive army-like school
where we did drills and marched through hills.
(I couldn't, though. Damned bone spur ills!
Which are the same as wounds in battle.)
This guy is a rat. This guy is a tattle.
This guy is a traitor. This guy is a spy.
Telling the “truth”? You call THAT proof?
Like I always say: the truth is a lie.

№ 715: Have A NICE Day

QUICK MARTY, THE DeLOREAN (October 29)


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(with apologies to James Rado, Gerome Ragni and Galt MacDermot)

When a loon is in the White House
and “presidents” aligned with “tsars”
combined destroy the planet
and Musk leaves Earth for Mars,
this is the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse
the Age of Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Idiotic politicians
discovering new divisions
making ever worse decisions
expounding cock-eyed visions
infesting every nation
de-stroy civ-il-iz-a-tion
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
When a loon lived in the White House
and “presidents” aligned with “tsars”
combined destroyed the planet
and Musk left Earth for Mars,
that was the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse
the Age of Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse

[corrected 10/30/2019, 9:47 am to add music credit]

№ 714: Impeachable You

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ON THE IMPEACH (October 28)

(with apologies to George and Ira Gershwin)

Disgrace us, you inescapable you
Debase us, you Pence-replaceable you
All you do is breed a brew of angst and disgust
Your disgusting crew leaves us with no one to trust

We've sick of the false alarms that you spew
Small wonder we're up in arms about you
Had you been born a “lady”
be a whore is all that you could do
You [bleep] impeachable you.

№ 713: Inner Child

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 27)

Donnie do not do details. 

Donnie do not do facts.

Donnie do “hamberders”, Cokes.

Donnie do that to relax.

Donnie do not do exercise.

Donnie no exercise schmuck.

[Donnie do not do anything,
except Donnie cheats or Donnie sucks.]

Donnie not walk.

[Donnie waddle to Donnie golf cart.]

Donnie drink too many Cokes,

then (HA! HA!) Donnie fart.

Donnie rich, Donnie famous.

Donnie like color gold.

Donnie not mad. Donnie not sad.

Donnie not mind being old.

Donnie most sexy he-man.

Donnie draw women like moth

to a flame. [And never a dame

compare Donnie to sloth.]

Donnie not like Jeff Bezos.

[Jeff Bezos REAL billionaire.]

Donnie not like Elon Musk.

Donnie have better hair.

Donnie too good for country.

Donnie too good for world.

Donnie too good for whole universe.

[Donnie live in own world.]

Donnie never read Bible.

Donnie think Bible odd.

Donnie worship Donnie himself.

Donnie know Donnie God.

Donnie do not do spelchek.

Donnie no spelchek knot kule.

Donnie spel how Donnie feelz.

Donnie not liv buy ur rulz.

Nancy Pelosi. Mean, nasty lady.

Donnie do not know why,

Nancy Pelosi real mean to Donnie.

Allatime make Donnie cry.

Someday Donnie birthday big holiday.

Alla world say, “Donnie! Great guy!”

[Also someday, not far away,

Donnie win No Bell and alla pigs fly.]

№ 712.2: EXTRA! Kim's Gotta Swim, I Gotta Lie, If You Follow Me, We're All Gonna Die

‘Crafty and vicious’: North Korea warns US not to ignore deadline for talks


Pyongyang’s top nuclear negotiator says there are no ‘permanent friends’ and US should heed calls for a new approach

North Korea has warned that there has been no progress in relations with the US, and that hostilities that could lead to an exchange of fire have continued.

In a statement under the name of the chairman of the Korea-Asia Pacific Peace Committee, Kim Yong-chol, North Korean state news agency KCNA said on Sunday that it would be a mistake for the US to ignore a year-end deadline on Kim has set an end-of-year deadline for denuclearisation talks with Washington.Donald Trump’s and Kim Jong-un’s “close personal relations”.

Kim has set an end-of-year deadline for denuclearisation talks with Washington.

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(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart)

CLOUD CUCKOOLAND (October 27)

Falling in love with Kim was falling for make believe
Falling in love with him, I was a tool;
I am inclined to live in a juvenile fancy
I thought Kim fine, we were both bullies in school

I fell in love with Kim, he reminded me of my dad
I am unwise which if you have eyes you can see
I fell in love with Kim, but Kim contrasting-
ly fell out with me