No. CLXIII.i: EXTRA! Kamikaze (Calm Or Crazy)

The Week: Report: Tillerson, Mnuchin, and Mattis have a 'suicide pact' where if one resigns, they all do

Tillerson, Mattis, Mnuchin

hit on a solution

to control demented

incompetent president

form a suicide pact

so he dare not attack.

If he goes after one,

the other two run.

A three person NATO

against head of state.

Crazy, but could it work?

Given the moron's a jerk,

They are but three,

not a majority.

The cabinet would have to decide

that time has arrived to choose sides.

Country or mad man?

Duty or bad man?

Provoked,

they'd invoke

Amendment 25

dump the mess

on Congress

as the relevant section provides.

Yes, that’s a joke.

Congress would choke

if they had to act.

And that’s a fact.

Report status.

Mnuchin?

Tillerson?

Mattis?

No. CLXIII: GOP Las Vegas Bullet Points

In wake of this tragedy,

we need a strategy.

We need a distraction

to hide gun inaction.
Controls we'll relax as
we tinker with taxes.

To keep people calm on their sofa.

we need something like our OWN Oprah.

(Though, of course, she'll be white,

young, blond, built tight,

leggy, smart and appealing,

and happy to live
beneath our glass ceiling.)

We lost Megyn Kelly.

Coulter's old and too yelly.

It can't be Melania,
it can't be Ivanka.
Tiff's a bystander.
NOT Huckabee Sanders.

Dark hair. Frowns. Pudgy...Meanders.

While the mess coalesces
and compounds distresses,
cut upper tax rate
fan flames of race hate.
We need someone fun

to shout, “Everyone!

You get a gun.

You get a gun.
You get a gun!

AND. 
YOU. 
GET. 
A. 
GUN!”

No. CLXXII: News In Briefs

The President in San Juan

THE LUMP, flapping his jowls,

throws paper towels.

“Have you seen my good friend Maria

the new hurricane on your isle?

You'll know her the minute you see her

destroying your island. Let me see you smile.”

State Department

Beseiged, Tillerson vows to stay on.

Says enjoys working for “a f***ing moron”.

Family Ties

Jared proposed to Ivanka saying, 
“I truly believe I deserve a

princess with her own email server.”

NRA

NRA says do not vote Democratic,

GOP advocates full automatics.

Also silencers, natch,

eliminating the safety catch,

requiring all guns come with bump stocks,

banning forever all trigger locks.

Congress

Ryan postpones silencer law

until voters get over Las Vegas gore.

Abortion

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: Rep.Tim Murphy, popular with pro-life movement, urged abortion in affair,texts suggest

The congressman has been lauded by the Family Research Council, for his stance on abortion, as well as for family values, generally.

Timothy Murphy, please proceed with caution.

This does not enhance your stance on abortion.

Your statements, your tweets, your online rants

mean nothing if you can't keep up your pants.

No. CLXXI: The Winner Of Our Discontent

NYT: As Seas Warm, Whales Face New Dangers (Paywall)

By KAREN WEINTRAUB

Scientists are worrying that many humpback and right whales are dying. Sightings of right whales and humpbacks off the coast of Maine have declined this year, likely because the whales have been forced to hunt elsewhere as warming waters disrupt the food chain.

We are to flies
as gods to
college sophomores:
they kill
us for their sport.

ya think about it
'n ya know what

you ME them

we don't count diddly-squat

your god MY GOD

we doan amount

t' zilch nada zero

we ain't no account

sometimes ya succeed

sometimes yez fails

some live in mansions

some live in jails

'saways meanest damned sumbitch prevails

holegoddamn planet 'soffa the rails

ya don' believe me jes' talk t' the whales

No. CLXX.i: EXTRA! GOP NON-responders

Chicago Tribune: GOP leader: NRA-backed gun bill to ease regulations on silencers shelved (Paywall)

House Republican leaders called for unity and prayer Tuesday after the deadly mass shooting in Las Vegas, but offered no new legislation to tighten gun laws and said a bill to ease regulations on gun silencers would be shelved indefinitely.

Ryan said there's no plan for the House to act soon on a National Rifle Association-backed bill to ease regulations on gun silencers. 

The bill is "not scheduled right now. I don't know when it will be scheduled," Ryan said.

House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI)

At the urging of NRA
House Speaker Paul Ryan announced today
potential prey must kneel and pray.
That is, unless they
are “taking a knee”
in favor of racial equality.
Then, he said, they
should stand conspicuous
show some respect
and not be ridiculous.

No. CLXX: Don And Hugh

NYT: Speaking Ill of Hugh Hefner (Paywall)

by Ross Douthat

Hugh Hefner, gone to his reward at the age of 91, was a pornographer and chauvinist who got rich on masturbation, consumerism and the exploitation of women, aged into a leering grotesque in a captain’s hat, and died a pack rat in a decaying manse where porn blared during his pathetic orgies.

hating on women
(except a daughter)
so much in common
have Hef and Donald
Hugh's in a stall
in a hole in a wall
¿one on the border
for Don in short order?

Hugh Hefner's crypt next to Marilyn Monroe. Monroe was on the cover of first issue of Playboy. Hefner never met Monroe. The photo was from an earlier shoot. Monroe was never paid for the photos that appeared in this issue.

No. CLXIX: A One-percentish* Lament

To enjoy your life you have to be willing

to admit that your life is all about killing

animals, plants — all things delicious —

caring only that they are nutritious.

If we want to live,

something else has to give:

all other species.

Large and small beasties†

die for our gain —

LIFE is pure pain

atop the food chain.

——————————

*Human beings constitute .00018 percent of Earth’s non-marine biomass. — Wired, October 31, 2011

†"...the question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?" — JeremyBentham

____________________________________________________________________________________________

CORRECTION: Last Friday's Daily Doggerel, No. CLXII, Gimme That (VERY) Ol' Time Religion, contained a typo: "perbation" should have read "perturbation". Theatrical Cement Company regrets whatever perbation this error may have caused our reader(s). Corrected text.

No. CLXVIII: The Week In Rear View

Private flights: nice.

But there's a price.

Price was wrong.

And so...so long.

Monday, September 25

No.CLXIII: A Trump Letter To Kim

I propose one Korea with you in charge

with gas SUV's in every garage.

No.CLXIII.ii: EXTRA! Graham-Cassidy GOP Score

billions and trillions
that would be wasted
keeping lower
(and middle)
class riff-raff alive

Tuesday, September 26

No.CLXIV: NFL Today

anyone silently “taking a knee”
is taking too great a liberty

Wednesday, September 27
No. CLXV.i: EXTRA!: 1984 (Again)
There is no tellin'
just how Orwellian
Resident Lump is gonna act.

Thursday, September 28
No. CLXVI: Memo To Bernie, Rand, et. al.For reasons unfathomable,
things are as they are.

Friday, September 29
No. CLXVII: Gimme That (VERY) Ol' Time Religion
the multiple gods
our ancestors so long agreed on

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