№ 847: Four More Years

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(with apologies to Ian Tyson)

THE LOWEST DEBITS (April 30) —

Four more years, holy moley,

a reprise and more lies

be-cuz the hoi polloi love what’s-iz-hair

The country is now gone,

a conclusion (“SAD”) foregone

THEY got preachers, we ain't got a prayer

When by Fortune we’re des-erted,

when he wins in the fall . . .

Can-a-da? I s'pose we could go there

Eh? We’d have to learn 'boot curling —

that could prove a chore

Would we like superior health care?

Four more years, holy moley,

a reprise and more lies

be-cuz the hoi polloi love what’s-iz-hair

The country is now gone,

a conclusion (“SAD”) foregone

THEY got preachers, we ain't got a prayer

GOP wins House and Senate 

They already have the Courts 

There’s no one, anywhere, to stay his hand

It’ll truly be game over,

be nothing we can do,

as this pestilence lays waste the land

Four more years, holy moley,

a reprise and more lies

be-cuz the hoi polloi love what’s-iz-hair

The country is now gone,

a conclusion (“SAD”) foregone

THEY got preachers, we ain't got a prayer

№ 846: Twump Tweets — Wate Nite Smacks, Elmer Fudding While Wome Burns

Trump v Fox News: why the president is furious at the conservative network
The president attacked Fox News and accused it of being ‘fed Democratic talking points’ – possibly over to a string of anti-Trump ads due to run on the network

Trump did not give a specific reason for his upset, but it could be linked to a critical advert a group of anti-Trump Republicans are running on Fox News this week. Republicans for the Rule of Law, a group opposed to the president, paid for an ad spot during Fox & Friends – one of Trump’s favorite shows – which highlights his response to the coronavirus.

“50,000 people have died,” reads capitalized text at the start of the advert.

“This is our president.”

THE IMPERIAL PALACE (April 29) —

Has no one noticed this virus conspiracy?

This hoax, in fact, is merely a theory.

A plot, a ploy, a “dump Trump” attempt

which, like “Darwin”, I hold in contempt.

It's clear to me this is depravity.

Next thing you know, Dems will claim “gravity”

explains we’ve fallen into a chasm.

Does no one hear, get my sarcasm?

It is “SO SAD” FOX has forgotten,

either they praise me or ratings are rotten.

Once loyal reporters have gotten slipshod.

I AM A FIERCE AND JEALOUS GOD.

A god whom they with good reason fear.

Were I MBS, they might . . . . disappear.

№ 845: Trump 2020, 2024, 2028, 4-EV-AH? (an anthem for head banging)

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(with apologies to Jimmy Page and Robert Plant)

FROM ON HIGH (April 28) —

There is nothing I “lack”,

but it is a fact —

I, Donald Trump, am im-pa-tient

When I can’t cheat at golf

to work tension off,

I hafta do something dra-ma-tic

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I think I will end the Re-pub-lic

I have often said 

I do not love the dead

because the dead trend Dem-o-cra-tic

When the Trump plague suc-ceeds

I’ll have planted the seeds

for the Re-pub-lic's de-struc-tion

Ooh, it makes me wonder

Ooh, it makes me wonder

There’s a feeling I feel

with my mass appeal,

won-der-ful crowds, sky-high ra-tings

My crowds all assure  

that they adore

my in-sane ran-tings and ra-vings

Soo, it makes me wonder

Soo, it really makes me wonder

Though some call me a loon,

a lout, a buffoon

when the summer has killed off the virus,

the e-con-o-my booms,

no virus-es loom

and I am, by ac-claim, re-elected

The silver lining in this dark cloud

(China virus)

will get me what I want (As always)

Of course, it helps that I am a stable genius,

and in the short run

I see no reason to change a thing

So you gotta wonder

Dems heads are spinning

‘cuz they don’t know

where they can go

against my dead-ly maj-or-it-y

They are pushovers (and soo over)

and they don’t know

how to deal with au-toc-ra-cy

And as I stumble down the road

stomp all you stupid, useless toads

as I devour all your souls

as I gild everything with gold

as I approach my final goal

(It really was not all that hard)

As I obliterate the past

insisting I alone am all

Can’t stop me now, I’m on a roll

and I’m ending your fail-ing Re-pub-lic

№ 844: Six Feet Down (time for the the Byrds)

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(with apologies to David Crosby, Gene Clark, and Roger McGuinn)

UNCHARTED (April 27) —

Six feet down is where Donnie leads

with poisonous quack rem-ed-ies

World-wide streets, empty col-lapse, perhaps

he should do more than shoot craps

Ev-ry-where there's fear to be found

among those of unknown underground

Dying towns, all 'round Donnie's clowns

defying safe practices sound

“Round the squares huddled in storms

Some laughing some just shapeless forms

Sidewalk scenes and black limousines

Some living some standing alone”

—————

Note to our email subscribers: starting with the edition April 13, the reply-to address in our email edition was inadvertently changed, blocking responses from subscribers. This has been corrected. We apologize for any inconvenience.

№ 843: Doubting Thomas Road

OUT TO LYNCHBURG, VA (April 26) —

What with the talk of cure in the air,

why is there no one speaking of prayer?

So many say they can pray gay away,

why don't they say, “Make corona go 'way”? 

Why isn't Falwell, that sinister minister,

pleading for aid from his supposed Listener?

But, I suppose, this is totally logical.

Doubtless, his thinking on things theological

is, “Heaven’s my home. I am not of the world.

I (and my Dad) can tell God where He's failed.

And then inform Him how things would done,

with Falwells in charge, Father AND Son.

Implement Jerry-mandered requirements,

pushing the Old Guy into retirement.”

№ 842.1: EXTRA! Nothing To Lose But Your Brains

‘What Do You Have to Lose?’ How Trump Has Promoted Malaria Drug
President Trump has pushed a malaria drug, hydroxychloroquine, as a treatment for coronavirus patients. A recent study found that patients taking it had higher death rates compared with those who did not.

By The New York Times•April 22, 2020

Transcript:
It is known as a malaria drug, and it’s been around for a long time. And it’s very powerful, but the nice part is it’s been around for a long time, so we know that if things don’t go as planned, it’s not going to kill anybody. And it’s shown very encouraging very, very encouraging early results. There’s a possibility — a possibility — and I say it: What do you have to lose? I’ll say it again, what do you have to lose? Take it. I really think they should take it. But it’s their choice, and it’s their doctor’s choice or the doctor’s and the hospital. But hydroxychloroquine, try it if you’d like. It will be, not a game changer because that’s not a nice enough term — it will be wonderful. It’ll be so beautiful. It’ll be a gift from heaven. If it works that would be great. If it doesn’t work, we know for many years — malaria, it’s incredible what it’s done for malaria. It’s incredible what it’s done for lupus. But it doesn’t kill people. But if it was somebody else other than President Trump that put it forward, if some other person put it forward that said, “Oh, let’s go with it, you know, what do you have to lose?”

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(with apologies to Stephen Stills)

LOUD CUCKOO LAND (April 26) —

Sip some Clorox

Drink a quart of Mr. Clean

What have you got to lose?

Arm and Hammer,

Lysol, Ajax, and Oxyclean

What have you got to lose?

Let me tell like it is

Listen to me, people

It's my re-election dyin'

And that's what I have to lose

I've got an answer

Quack cures and people die

What have I got to lose?

Please re-elect me

You're gonna die anyway

What have you got to lose?