NRA (November 28)
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(with apologies to John Denver)
Shotguns on my shoulder make me happy
handguns in my waistband make me cry
boxes full of bullets look so lovely
when I carry I always feel high
Just because the U.S. Constitution
was written when guns only fired one shot
and it took twenty seconds to reload 'em
our Supreme Court has ruled, “So what?”
Shotguns on my shoulder make me happy
handguns in my waistband make me cry
boxes full of bullets look so lovely
when I carry I always feel high
We will never let some sissy Lib'rels
infringe upon our keep and bearin' right
though we are uncertain what infringe is
like Minutemen we're ready for a fight
Shotguns on my shoulder make me happy
handguns in my waistband make me cry
boxes full of bullets look so lovely
when I carry I always feel high
when I carry I allatime feel high
when I carry I feel I'm a guy
Friday, November 29, 2019
Thursday, November 28, 2019
Wednesday, November 27, 2019
№ 735: Maybe Rick Needs Glasses?
Rick Perry tells Donald Trump: ‘You really are the chosen one’
- Energy secretary briefed president on Old Testament kings
- Perry: ‘God’s used imperfect people all through history’
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GOSPEL UNTRUTH (November 26)
(with apologies to Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley)
Each day in his lifetime
TRUMP takes a moment
a moment to foment
and to corrupt
and though I am low-rent
each day in my lifetime. . .
shut up I am talking
don't interrupt!. . .
I am “God's lifeline”
to you believers
I am your “Savior”,
your “King of Kings”,
although Vlad Putin,
my KGB master,
through the intel he has about me,
he's gonna pull my strings
Rick Perry “thinks”
I am God's agent
And Christians won't argue
Whoops' imagin-ings
He says I M perfect,
despite what befalls me
And since they don't know Satan's my master,
I'm free to do bad things
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
№ 734.1:EXTRA! You Wanna Impeach A' Me?
Trump claims he'd ‘love’ to have his top aides testify in impeachment probe
The tweets came despite a White House directive for officials to not cooperate.
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(with apologies to Dick Reynolds and Jack Rhodes)
ALL I WANT FOR XMAS IS A BUNCH OF LIES (November 26)
although it isn't fair
the way that I've been treated. . .
it musses up my “hair”
If it keeps you damned Dems happy
with subpoenas I'll comply
and when called to testify
my guys, of course, will lie
All your laws and reg-u-la-tions,
they don't mean a thing to me
I can play my “Trump” card
and we get out of jail free
On Deut-sche Bank loan money
I al-ways can rely
They're just as corrupt as me
and they know how to lie
All your laws and reg-u-la-tions,
they don't mean a thing to me
I can play my “Trump” card
and we get out of jail free
It ain't hard defeatin' Dems
I'm jes' Biden time
If “Little” Schiff impeaches
in the Senate I'll be fine.
If “Little” Schiff impeaches
in the Senate I will be fine.
№ 734: Sarah's Slanders Revisited
- Trump’s ex-press secretary says: ‘I was attacked for everything’
- Sanders admitted Comey statement was ‘founded on nothing’
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CROSS PURPOSES (November 25)
(with apologies to Irving Berlin)
Oh, my father was a preacher and a gov'nor, you know
that is why I can not tell a fib
I'd rehearse every day what Trump told me to say
and then I would have to ad lib
When I did a presser I never would address a
single one of my boss's lies
I preached from the choir, therefore I was no a liar
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
When I made a statement
it was a truth abatement
or I was be-ing wry
As a fact twister,
I was no resister
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
From a lie, from a lie,
No, I can't tell the truth from a lie
Reporters I battled
and I was never rattled
facing FAKE NEWS guys
I wouldn't hear 'em
or the boss'd smear 'em
I'd let them wail in the gale
then I'd bail
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
I'm cool, brave and daring
La-ne Bry-ant wearing
(although it's their smallest size)
When facts I shuffled
I never once got ruffled
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
I quoted the Bible,
so it wasn't libel
Say so and you'll fry
It ain't really slanders
it's just the truth meanders
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
From a lie, from a lie
No, I can't tell the truth from a lie
With Mitch McConnell
all I really wan'll
be for Ruth Bader Ginsburg t' die
then he'll annointee
another Trump appointee
a Christian darlin',
unlike Merrick Garland
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
We're Trump's Christian soldiers
we're miracle beholders
Non-believers need not apply
Our final solution
a Christian Revolution
and if we fail
we will all go to jail
Oh I can't tell the truth from a lie
[corrected 11/26/2019 8:42 am]
Monday, November 25, 2019
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