Saturday, March 10, 2018

No. 287.4: EXTRA! When Donnie Meets Kimmie (a prediction)

To be sung to the tune of "If Momma Was Married" (with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

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DONALD
I need to disarm you,
you squat little louse,
I want you to peace-ful-ly
ditch all of your missiles, your nukes, all your jets,
all your tanks, your artillery, your mortars, your slingshots,
your RPGs
I need to disarm you

KIM
If I “disarm” me,
you funny hair man,
I will need a firm guarantee
you'll shut your mouth
when I invade south
and henceforth leave
all Korea to me
If I “disarm” me

BOTH
[Kimmie/Donald], you seem a good guy,
I don't see why
you want to die
[Kimmie/Donald], we're both of us sly
what do you say
we give it a try?
[Donald/Kimmie], say I
I like your style
I must say

DONALD
I'm not being funny
I'll launder your money

KIM
So long as I have things my way

BOTH
Oh, [Donald/Kimmie], let's make peace today!

KIM
It you and I make peace there wouldn't be anymore:
you'll launch fire and fury if I nuke Oahu
Both of us throw fits

DONALD
while the whole world sh**s

KIM
Hello, dotard

DONALD
L'il rocketman

Kimmie, please take my advice,
you little runt

KIM
Donald! be nice

BOTH
[Donald/Kimmie], if we roll the dice
and only this once
nobody thinks twice
it could be so nice
though it couldn't last one whole day

DONALD
So, Kimmie,

KIM
So, Donald,

DONALD
Dis-arm?

KIM
In-vade?

DONALD
. . .What the hell. . .I guess okay

BOTH
Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],
Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],
Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],
Let's make “peace” today!