The attribution of Guccifer 2.0 as an officer of Russia’s largest foreign intelligence agency brings the investigation closer to the Kremlin’s doorstep—and to Trump himself.
Working off the IP address, U.S. investigators identified Guccifer 2.0 as a particular GRU officer working out of the agency’s headquarters on Grizodubovoy Street in Moscow.
— The Daily Beast: EXCLUSIVE: ‘Lone DNC Hacker’ Guccifer 2.0 Slipped Up and Revealed He Was a Russian Intelligence Officer
(with apologies to Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim)
(with apologies to Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim)
Mouthpiece #1 (Donald Trump)
Wid dis kinky GRU ski
we gotta unnerstan,
if Mueller's got a clue-ski
dis cud get outta han.
All my Trumpski flunkies
won't be jes' some dumb punks.
They'll be revealed as traitors 'n as skunks.
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet (Mouthpieces #2 - #5)
Dis GRU ski's got us very upset.
Dere's dis goddamn investigation 'n ain't over yet.
We said no collusion
'n now unna th' hood,
we're scared dat Mueller's got us good!
Mouthpiece #1
Got us good!
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
Got us good, got us good,
got us goddamn good.
We're scared dat Mueller's got us good!
Mouthpiece #2
Dat's such a touchin' story!
Mouthpiece #1
Lemme tell it t' th' woild!
Mouthpiece #2
Jes' tell it t' th' judge!
Mouthpiece #1
Dear kinky Judge, yer Honor,
dis case is justa bluff.
Mueller ain't got evidence —
well some, but not enuf!
We never met no Ruskis —
jes' one or two — a tad.
Oh, sweet Jesus, no wonna I'm “SO SAD!”
Mouthpiece #3
Right!
GRU ski? I doan really care!
I'm a GOP judge, so, for you, I'm balanced 'n fair!
Mueller ain't got no business bein' annoyed.
Dis here's a case for Sigmund Freud!
Mouthpiece #1
Sigmund Freud!
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
Sigmund Freud, Sigmund Freud,
Sigmund Freud, Sigmund Freud.
Dis here's a case for Sigmund Freud!
Mouthpiece #3
Inna opinion uv dis court, dis here's
a case fer th' twenny-fidth amendment.
So convene a tribunal.
Mouthpiece #1
Hey, we're gonna have a tribe urinal!
My father was a bastard,
my mother ignored me,
my grandpa German draft-dodged,
'n was not here legally,
my junior is a loser,
'n Eric's even worse.
Goodness gracious, why am I be so cursed?
Mouthpiece #4 (Mike Pence)
Yes!
You major disrupt-ski, you shouldn't be here.
God got you elected t' advance my career.
May he forgive whatever you've done,
but as the President, you're gone.
Mouthpiece #1
I am gone?
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
You are gone, you are gone,
you are gone, gone, gone.
From this moment on, you're gone!
Mouthpiece #4
By the power sorta invested in me by th' twenny-fidth commandment,
I cast you out.
Donald, get thee behind me!
Mouthpiece #1
I'm an outcast!?
Mouthpiece #4
So take him to a rest home.
Mouthpiece #1
So now I'm in dis rest home,
dey took away my phone,
Pence is inna White House,
Melania's alone,
dey didden treat me fairly,
dey were very rude.
Nex' time, maybe, I will not collude.
Mouthpiece #5
Well,
usin' GRU ski, was not very smart.
Yeah, you made a “deal”, but it sure was not “art”.
Ya got y'self caught wid tight-whities down.
Honestly, yer stupid 'n a clown!
Mouthpiece #1
I'm a clown!
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
He's a clown, he's a clown,
He's a goddamn clown.
Donald Trump is jes' a clown!
Mouthpiece #3
The trouble is he's lazy!
Mouthpiece #5
Not to mention his sex kinks!
Mouthpiece #3
The trouble is he's crazy!
Mouthpiece #5
The trouble is he stinks!
Mouthpiece #3
The trouble is his success
Mouthpiece #4
is grossly overblown!
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
GRU ski, thanks for all you've sown.
GRU ski,
thank you so very much. . .
Mouthpiece #1
I've never seen a pair of boobs that I couldn't touch.
Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet
Gee GRU ski,
you Russian pus.
You, GRU ski,
TRUMPed us!