Tuesday, April 23, 2019

№ 579.1: EXTRA! Que Sarah, Sarah

What to do about Sarah Sanders? White House reporters have a few ideas. (Paywall)

(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

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THE SWAMP, April 23

She stands behind the podium and spouts about Trump's lies
She shakes her head and frowns at you and looks into your eyes
You're too polite to ever ask, “What is your dress size?”
Even at her best she's always crabby

She bats away your question and refuses to reveal
if she believes that what she says is plausibly real
I confess I must conclude she's Trump's performing seal
still I feel bad when we treat her shabby

Like Donald's entire staff
Sarah is a laugh

How do you solve a problem like Sarah Huckabee-Sanders
How do you ask a question to pin her down
How do find a word describing Sarah Huckabee-Sanders
who, though she's no jerk, willingly works for this clown
Many a thing you know you'd like to ask her
so in all fairness your might come to understand
why a good Christian wife chooses to waste her life
and day after day to bury her head in the sand
Oi, how do you solve a problem like SAD Sarah
Could be the answer is working to get her canned

She out-Kellys Kellyanne, fibbing fibs gargantuan
until reporters' hair begins to curl
There's no climate change just weather, so then altogether
you wonder what is wrong with this poor girl

At her briefings we're confused when she's flustered we're amused
by the lack of fact when she goes on attack
She's unchristian, she is wild in defending Trump the child
she's his banshee, she's his demon, she's his hack

How do you solve a problem like Sarah Huckabee-Sanders
How do you ask a question to pin her down
How do find a word describing Sarah Huckabee-Sanders
who, though she's no jerk, she willingly works for this clown
Many a thing you know you'd like to ask her
so in all fairness your might come to understand
why a good Christian wife chooses to waste her life
and day after day to bury her head in the sand
Oi, how do you solve a problem like SAD Sarah
Could be the answer is working to get her canned

[updated 4/23/2019, 5:20 p.m. EDT]