№ 500: Banks For The Memories

WSJ: Rewards Credit Cards Gained a Fanatic Following—Now Banks Are Pulling Back

Major perks like airfare and cash back were meant to lead to higher returns. But consumers figured out how to game the system

Blake DiCioccio and her husband, Jason, flew around the world in business class in 2017, from San Francisco to Taipei, Tokyo to Belgrade, and Frankfurt back home. They didn’t pay for it. JPMorgan Chase & Co. did.

The ultra-premium rewards of the kind that JPMorgan has championed have turned into financial albatrosses. Big banks calculated that giant rewards would make consumers spend more, earning the banks more interest and boosting their returns. They calculated wrong.

Dear Valued Customer,

Please understand

when we promise premiums

you cannot demand

that we actually pay.

That's not what we planned.

No, not at all.

It was really a scam

to separate you

(aka “sucker”)

from more of your cash.

But you, mother fucker,

figured out how
to use our card
only whenever it
was to your benefit.

That is not fair.

Something our friend, the President, 

now must repair.

Though, except for Deutsch Bank,

we did not let him borrow

having learned painfully
and to our sorrow

his word is hollow.

But losses like these,

we cannot swallow.

Therefor, on him we place the onuses

of rigging rules to protect bank exec bonuses.

When this is done

we will “say” thanks.

Yours in sincerity,

Fill In The Bank