Thursday, July 25, 2019

№ 646.3: EXTRA! A Bird Of A Feather Begs Pardon

Bernie Madoff asks Trump to commute his 150-year sentence (Paywall)

After Bernie Madoff admitted to masterminding the largest Ponzi scheme in history and bilking thousands of investors out of their cash, he was punished with a sentence that made it likely he would die in federal prison — 150 years.

Now, a decade into his time, at the age of 81, Madoff is seeking to have his sentence commuted by President Donald Trump. He has filed a petition for clemency with the Justice Department, according to its website.

MORAL VOID (July 25)

Dear Donnie,

Old pal,
do you think it fair
that I am here
and you are there
in the White House
with all your power?
(Granted you long for
your chintzy gold Tower.)
But I'm stuck in prison
like one of our schnooks
and compared to you
I'm barely a crook,
just a regular businessman
with no little flair
to make funds disappear
into thin air.
That you're not my cellmate
I suppose you must thank
your Vaterland buddies
from Deutsche Bank
who had you back,
whatever your crimes,
though you repaid 
their dollars with dimes.
If you do spring me,
some time in due course,
we'll shoot a round
at your swell golf course.
As an incentive.
may I add with a grin,
though you're a hacker,
I'll let you win.

You're the best,
Bernie (not the bad one)