Sunday, September 22, 2019

№ 687.2: EXTRA! Trump: I'm Just Biden My Time

Trump, Scrutinized Over Interaction With Ukraine, Still Calls for Biden Probe   

The Trump campaign sent supporters an email on Saturday echoing the calls by the president and his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, to investigate Mr. Biden over widely discredited allegations of impropriety. “What is Joe Biden hiding?” the email read. Mr. Trump in tweets accused Democrats and the media of starting a “Ukraine Witch Hunt.”

SAYITAIN'TSODONNIE (September 22)








Hey, Hunter Biden
wudda ya hidin'?
I know you must be a crook.
I have a fam'bly
and for exam'bly
for crookedness we cooked the book.

My dad was a big shot
(comparatively)
though he never was
as big as me.
I keep his photo
on White House desk.
He's senile and dead,
but I think he's impressed.

And my kids?
Connivers and liars
chips, all, 
off the block.
Had to be. 
Obviously. 
Superior stock.
No one can shame us. . .
Your father's famous,
though not as famous as me.
If he had a show
he'd have ratings SO LOW.
That I can guarantee.

You musta cashed in
and pulled strings to win
seeing' as how you're related to him.
Unless you're a jerk
who actually works.
People like that
drive me berserk.
So stupid. Unwillin'
to make a killin'.
'Fraid someone'll say,
“Him. He's the villain.”
Always deny. Deny and stay calm.
Act like you're in the eye of the storm.
When the dust settles,
when the winds wane,
you point someone out.
“Him you should blame.”
Smirk, pretend innocence,
be free as the breeze.
That is how us
big rats get cheese.
(Roy Cohn always told me
when you're under attack
if what they say is true
hit back and distract.)

Me? I'm as honest as the day is long.
(At the North Pole on Christmas morn.)
Speaking of Christmas
it will be nice
when I am as famous
as Jesus Christ.
There is a man
who knows how to brand
He lives in the desert
but I am more tan
Which, I don't know,
but I would guess
means that I've had
the greater success.