PETE ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME (June 12) —
When PC comes for your NFL team —
and you know which ones I mean —
discrimination being a terrible thing,
we must do something to lessen the sting
when the billionaire owners of these franchises
are forced to cave to nut case chastizers,
and “choose” to accede to kumbaya demand,
by changing the name of their brand.
Herewith my proposal,
at your disposal:
to lessen the shame,
change every team name
to something appropriate,
free from opprobrium.
From Arizona,
the Double Immigrants.
From Atlanta we have the Airports.
The Baltimore Poes.
The Boston Dumb Micks.
The Buffalo Exits.
Minnesota's Cold Noses.
From Carolina,
the Which Ones.
All hail Chicago’s Capones.
And Cincy's Queens
and Cleveland's Taupes
both of which
call Ohio home.
Los Mexicanos
de Dallas, Tex, Mexico.
From Denver,
the Altitudes.
The Detroit Disasters
and Green Bay Cheesers
game on Thanksgiving
will please football geezers.
From Houston,
Más Mexicanos.
From Indianapolis, of course,
the Skip Towns.
The Jacksonville Twenties.
The KC MO Steaks.
The Las Vegas Homeless,
who bet on fourth down.
LA's SD Deserters
along with their Boomerangs
and the Miami Illegal Aliens,
will provide much strum und drang.
From New Orleans,
the Submarines.
From New York,
the Mob and the Jews.
No offense intended.
(Or, in fact, expected.
Defense, as well,
will be neglected.)
When Philadelphia’s Cheesesteaks
meet Pittsburgh’s Unemployed
it will be great. And intrastate.
And half of PA will feel destroyed.
The SF Yesterdays
and Seattle's Boeings
and Tampa Bay's Drownings
will make excellent showings.
The Tennessee Crocketts
may set off skyrockets
but not in conjunction
with DC's Dysfunction.
It is a game.
What's in a name?
It is a game.
What's in a name?