Friday, June 30, 2017

No. C: Mitch The Glitch

McConnell & Company
don't like democracy.
True patriarchs,
they prefer oligarchs.

The weak and poor
hold no allure.
(And furthermore,
we reek of manure.)

Thursday, June 29, 2017

No. XLVIX: Quo Vadis?

POTUS with SCOTUS
is out to demote U.S.
to the status of a failed state.
All but Trump doters
hope enough voters
wake up before it's too late.

Congress in session
is mostly digression
from problems at hand.
Congress in recess
is an abscess,
heads buried deep in the sand.


Three government branches...
What are the chances
one of 'em will not come through?
POTUS/SCOTUS? No way!
The Congress? Oy vay!
I am not optimistic. Are you?

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

No. XCVIII: Senate "Health" Bill

Fire at will
at each GOP shill
for McConnell's health,
uh, moneyed-class wealth bill.
They thought they were good,
these reverse Robin Hoods:
rob the poor, feed the rich —
I mean...son of a bitch!

Can we blame 'em for tryin'
t' outdo lyin' Ryan
that blue-eyed can't-doer
with ideas daily fewer?

To be fair,
in the GOP lair
don't make no diff:
Obamacare, Trumpcare, 
Medicaid, Medicare
are in the same skiff
they would set adrift.

Whenever the GOP
gets law-making itch
all they do
is empower the rich.
Who, in turn,
provide money to burn
for re-election
of this protection.
In their income bracket
don't call this a racket.
That goes too far.
It is heaven's decree.
Things as they are.
Things as they should be.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

No. XCVII: Trump v. "Illegals"


Diff #1 'twixt Trump and "illegals"? Fact is
they do and he doesn't pay income taxes.

Diff #2 'twixt Trump and "illegals"? They're shrewd.
They do and he doesn't provide our food.

Diff #3 'twixt Trump and "illegals"? Corruption?
It's him, not them allatime filin' bankruption.

Diff #4 'twixt Trump and "illegals"? Sex offender?
At the tic tac tip-top of Donnie's agenda.

So's it yer lookin' fer summun t' exclude
I nominate overweight queer-haired orange dude.

Monday, June 26, 2017

No. XCVI: GOP MCMLXXXIV for 2017

In order to make America great
first you dismantle the welfare state,
ending forever the healthcare debate.
(If you get sick it's something you ate.)
Pass one-percenter total rebate.
Parenthood planners? Show 'em the gate.
We'll make it legal if you want to hate,
and tell you exactly with whom you can mate.
All things unAmerican: Extirpate!
All immigration: Eliminate!
Democrats with the devil equate
and ban Liberal do-gooders who self-flagellate.
Third-rate dictators? Ingratiate!
Outlaw jokes about Donnie's pate.
Accomplishments? EXAGGERATE,
while destroying the planet. A spheroid. Oblate.
Our carnal desires we will totally sate,
as we extrapolate "facts" (read mutilate)
to manipulate voters in every red state.
Who gets to vote...we will evaluate.
No point to bother or agitate
if World War Three we initiate.
When Iran and Korea we incinerate, the dollar may greatly deflate or inflate.
You cannot stop us. No way to abate
our need to everywhere dominate
and give ourselves thumbs up, congratulate.
(The one thing we can't do is legislate*.)
Your objections, of course, we anticipate.
You want something different? Oh. Sorry. Too late.
Those not with us we leave to their fate.
If you don't like it...go self-copulate.
—————————————
*Why should we led by he
who rules by decree.
(Boys and girls, can you say,
"Signing ceremony"?)

Friday, June 23, 2017

No. XCV: Headlines & Propinquity

Solomon by the Journal gets bumped.
Uber gives Travis a "Lyft" to the dump.
Your name in headlines has consequences!
(Unless your name's Donald Trump.)

I ain't sayin' nutin'. YOU tell me what it means.
John Gotti and Donald bot' grew up in Queens.
An' people against 'em...
(Mebbe sleeps wit' sardines?)

Thursday, June 22, 2017

No. XCIV: What's Gnu? (Beest Not Ask)

WaPo: This river kills thousands of wildebeests — then gives life to everything else. (Paywall)

African wildebeests are like clueless couples that get hacked to pieces in horror movies. Time after time, year after year, giant herds of the animals creep to the edge of the Mara River in Kenya and start to drink, seemingly oblivious to danger.


The spectacle in countless nature documentaries can bring viewers to the edge of their seats. They want to warn them. There are huge crocodiles in the river! Don’t they see the danger? But by this point, the herd is already leaping into the water, the crocs have grabbed a few by their throats and are logrolling to rip away limbs. In no time, the hoofs of hundreds of dead wildebeests are pointing skyward.


It looks awful, but according to a surprising new report led by researchers at Yale University, the yearly massacre of 6,000 wildebeest on the Serengeti is good for the Mara River watershed.

Amongst things a human can't
is comprehend life as ruminant
who must cross a river
where crocodiles slither
to be ecological lubricant.

If your role is lion-hyena feast...
Nu? What to do? Call a priest?
What sort of a god
could be so hard
as to create the life of a wildebeest?


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

No. XCIII: Job Desecration

WSJ: Ford to Import Next-Generation Focus Compact Car to U.S. From China (Paywall)

The auto maker scraps plans to build Focus in Mexico amid Nafta debate

Way to go, Donnie, saving the jobs
of all us hard-working American slobs.
No Fords to be built by Mexican rookies.
They'll come from China. (With fortune cookies!)
China! You know? Those folks who would croak us.
And you will notice the nameplate says Focus!

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

No. XCII: Sympathy From The Senate (from the desk of Mitch McConnell)

We're draftin' Stealthcare.
Not here. Not there.
In our secret lair.
Out of the glare.
Under the stair.

You're in despair?
Take yourself elsewhere!
Montreal, Canada
your pied-Ă -terre!
(Can you say, "Pierre"?)
Have you tried prayer?

We do not care
about general welfare.

Healthcare repair
ain't goin' nowhere.
Thas what the facts is.
Now les lower taxes.

Monday, June 19, 2017

No. XCI: What Matters

billionaires bums or otherwise
will be the same size
when the comet arrives
accomplishments will be in retrospect
delusions of agency, an
illusory effect

Friday, June 16, 2017

No. XC: After The Pox

In the wake of Ailes, O'Reilly and Kelly*,
at FOX the merde docks got very smelly.
In order to their fortunes repair,
they decommissioned both "balanced" and "fair",
replacing them with "Most watched, most trusted"

instead of the more accurate "Touched crotch, got busted".
——————————
* List of women who accused Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly of sexual misconduct.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

No. LXXXIX: A Failure To Communicate

So Donald says when he shops for wives and/or votes): (Click)
So say voters and wives when they learn what his sweet-talk connotes: (Click)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

No. LXXXVIII: The First Cabinet Meeting (to end all cabinet meetings?)

Cabinet meeting, Monday, June 12, 2017. At the White House.

This transcript was compiled from uncorrected C-Span Closed Captioning. (https://www.c-span.org/video/?429863-1/president-touts-accomplishments-cabinet-meeting).

Original all-caps removed for readability. C-Span transcript does not identify individual speakers.
______________________________________________________________________________
Thank you, Mr. President. The greatest privilege of my life is to serve as vice president to a president who is keeping his word to the American people who is bringing real change to our nation.

    Thank you Mr. President. The press is unfair.
    And, of course, we know you don't really care.
    It's a pleasure to serve you. I DO like your hair.

I would like to be here and celebrate this group. I am not sure the rest of you understand, but law enforcement all across America very frustrated. They are so thrilled that we have an idea we are going to support him and walk together. We will lawfully fight to the rising crime that we are seeing. It is an honor to serve you in that regard. You have sent to the exact right message and the responses fabulous around the country.

    Our law enforcers is very frustrated
    bein' how they's hated, berated an' castigated
    when they shoot folks should be segregated.
    Now I knows that seats at this table is scarce (umn...)
    nex' time I'd druther not sit near "Doctor" Carson.

Mr. President, it is my privilege to be here. I am deeply honored and I would like to thank you for your amendment to the American workers. We are very excited at the Department of Labor. I think this is going to make a real difference. So thank you.

    Mr. President, at the Department of Labor
    your kind of leadership is what we favor.
    I advocate minimum wage waver
    and to counter union knavery
    how about we reintroduce slavery?

Thank you Mr. President. It is a new day at the United Nations. We now have a strong voice. People know what America's four, they know what we are against, they see as leading across the board. I think the international community knows we are back.

    Thank you, Mr. President from the UN,
    that cesspit of things unAmerican
    I say we leave it, the question is when.
    And thank you so much for letting me speak
    even though I'm a woman whose parents are Sikh.

We're going to be able to take care of the people are needed. We will focus on the forgotten man and woman who are paying those taxes. I appreciate your support pulling the budget together.

    We will take care of people we need.
    The others can go to hell or to seed.
    They want food and health care ― talk about greed!

Good morning. It is good to be back in the United States. G-77 focused on the environment. The messages the United States needs to focus on growth and protecting the environment. It was received well.

    Good morning. At G7 talks about environment,
    I told them you're for environment retirement
    and if they don't like it, they can expire-ment.

Good morning Mr. President. There is a diversity of threats to our country. We have men and women working 24-7, 7 days a week to make sure we have -- we are on top of all of these threats. It is a joy to work with the people I have the inherited and we will provide you with the very best intelligence we can so that you can formulate policy to deal with these issues.

    Good morning, Mr. President. What's to be said?
    With terrorists hiding under each bed.
    WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING OR WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!    
    I don't have an inkling of what I should do.
    But, by the way, I like your hair, too.

Mr. President, it is a pleasure to serve, to serve the children of this country and make sure every child has the opportunity to have a good education and therefore a good future.

    Mr. President it is a pleasure to serve!
    And I say that with full vigor and verve.
    But money for public schools? THEY have their nerve!

Mr. President, what a pleasure it is to lead the Department of Health and Human Services under your leadership. I cannot thank you enough. I had the opportunity to represent the United States at the G20 health summit in Berlin and in Germany and I cannot tell you how excited they are about the United States.

    Mr. President, it's a pleasure to lead HHS
    to eviscerate the budget allowing Congress
    to divert funding from those who have less.
    Some Volk I met in Germany and Berlin
    said that's what they'll do if next time they win.

Mr. President, as the seal on your staff, it is an honor to be the generator of the energy dominance. I am deeply honored and optimistic we can be great stewards and be the world's largest user of energy.

    Mr. President, I did not say "seal on your staff".
    (Could be that's C-Span having a laugh.)
    I am honored, optimistic and heaven knows
    I can, if you wish, balance balls on my nose.

It is an honor to serve the country. A great privilege you have given me. Clearly we are engaged with our allies. They know what our vision is. America will continue to be a leader but they must do more. With from a national security standpoint and for prosperity. For our adversaries, we will engage but they have to know we will engage from a position of strength to protect America's national interest and we expect to make progress resolving some of these differences.

    It is a honor to serve the country.
    A privilege great you bestowed upon me.
    If our allies know what our vision be,
    I sure as hell wish they would share it with me.

It is an honor to represent the men and women of the Department of Defense. We are grateful for the sacrifices our people are making to strengthen our military. We will always negotiate from a position of strength.

    Am I the only one at this table
    able to avoid the toady label?

Thank you for the opportunity to help fix the trade deficit. Other countries are gradually getting the news. They are not happy with it but there is growing recognition of an and I am thrilled to help you.

    Okay? There I said "thank you" but I did not snivel.
    Well maybe a bit, but who wants to quibble?

Mr. President, last week was a great infrastructure week. Thank you for coming over to the Department of Transportation. Hundreds and hundreds of people were so thrilled to hang out and watch the ceremony. I want to thank you for getting this country moving again and also working again.

    Mr. President, last week was your infrastruct week.
    Now problems dissolving just as we speak.
    At DOT we were all thrilled by your ceremony
    and not a soul still there called you a phony.

I am very proud to represent the men and women who serve the country and DHS. In the five months I have had the job, we have been able to facilitate the legal movement of people and crossovers, and at the same time there is a long way to safeguard our southern border working with all of our partners to the south to stop illegal immigration. While we still welcome legal immigrants, where no longer an illegal order crossing. [indiscernible]

    At DHS we watch out at the borders
    to protect all our wives and all our daughters.
    No place in our agency for a debater.
    We aim to shoot first. We ask questions later.

I have also traveled the country. The message was similar. Deficits do matter.

    Damn, what is wrong with C-Span folk?
    They did not transcribe my opening joke!
    All they gave me is this one stupid line.
    If I knew who I was, I would resign.

Good morning Mr. President. Thank you for the opportunity to serve. I have not been traveling internationally, but I have been traveling around the country and what I continue to hear is renewed optimism from small businesses. People are returning to the workforce. Small businesses are creating new jobs. Our outreach is successful. Thank you. We are on a good trajectory but there is still a lot of work to do.

    Good morning, Mr. President. And I thank you.
    Every thing is, as the Brits say, tickey-boo.
    When we're done can I get on Apprentice II?

On behalf of the entire senior staff, Mr. President we thank you for your opportunity and the blessings you have given us. We will continue to work very hard every day.

    I thought, just in case,
    someone should say grace.
    Please, please, pul-eze,
    please press erase.

Mr. President, it is an honor to serve you. I am privileged to lead the men and women to do the national security mission in the finest tradition. Despite the media. [laughter] [indiscernible]

    Mr. President, it is an honor to serve you.
    (In my heart of hearts I know we don't deserve you.)
    Security mission...finest tradition...
    Despite the media...check Wikipedia?

Mr. President, thank you for your support. I know this is personally very important to you. I have the great honor of being able to represent the 21 million American veterans that have done such great things for our country and I work every day to make sure I am worthy of that responsibility.

    Mr. President, thanks for your veteran support.
    We know your record the press doth distort.
    You went, after all, to a military school
    and, I bet, in your uniform, you looked really cool.
    You would have joined up, how it must rankle
    that you had that foot problem. What was it, your ankle?

Mr. President, it has been a great honor to work with you. We are making tremendous progress and have already seen tremendous change. This month's national homeowners month and [indiscernible]

    Mr. President, it has been a great honor.
    (Quick, man, flatter or you're a goner.
    This is your chance to show Sessions you're humble.
    Can I get by if I sit and mumble?)

Good morning, Mr. President. [indiscernible] I want to congratulate you on the men and women you have placed around the table. This'll team working for America is making results in each and every area. Working with Secretary Ross, Lighthouse or, Volusia and, Tom Price, Scott Pruitt, this is a team you have assembled that is working with love for America. These are great team members. We are your team. Thank you.

    Good morning Mr. President. (Nice trick, that mumbling!
    If I get names wrong, will I seem bumbling?
    Say "America", say "team"
    and go have an ice cream.)

Thank you Mr. President, it has been a great honor traveling with you around the country for the past year and an even greater honor to be in your cabinet. We are focused on creating economic growth, sweeping tax reform, and fighting terrorism with sanctions.

    Thank you, Mr. President. (And the rest of you bunch
    who took all the good stuff. Time yet for lunch?)