№ 477: "Many can't go there; and many would rather die."

                                    Melania's Handmaiden Xmas                  Nick Pappas/Twitter

With looming red masses of GOP trees

increasing the size of our current unease,

given our present states of distress,
this could be last Xmas in the U.S.

Twenty-nineteen may find us the subjects

of a new nation, The Trump “Republic”

with new Constitution and new Bill of Rights,

making certain it's not only Xmas that's white.

And in the stead of the red, white and blue,
this hideous thing with an orangey hue.

№ 476: Which Hunt?

The Phony Witch Hunt continues, but Mueller and his gang of Angry Dems are only looking at one side, not the other. Wait until it comes out how horribly & viciously they are treating people, ruining lives for them refusing to lie. Mueller is a conflicted prosecutor gone rogue....

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 27, 2018

Did Al Capone think Eliot Ness

was on a witch hunt

looking into his business?

Did not GOP

once try to finesse

investigating a 
certain blue dress

which was at that time, 

neither “high crime”

nor was it 
a misdemeanor

and could have been “fixed”

with a trip to the cleaner?

To explain their confusion

when it comes to collusion,

one is apt to conclude

there are, perhaps, facts 

GOP would wish to exclude

from the public which 
were they ever viewed 

would plausibly cause disquietude.

That may be the reason

these men for no season

show scant interest

in probable treason,

feebly refutin’

Trump’s dealings with Putin.

Oh, hear the squeals

of these slippery eels

as Mueller reveals

the à la carte stealing

Parts Of The Deal.

Remember when 

the GOP said,

“If you've nothing to hide,

you've nothing to dread”?

That was then.
This is now.
And it is funny how
their story needs rearrangin’.

“The times they are a-changin’”.

№ 475: Adages Ageless (triplet couplets)

No matter how careful we imagine we manage,
everyone's someone's collateral damage.

Looking at life we have to avow
it really never is “no harm, no foul”.

Since we have never been fairly defeated,
we would have won, had THEY not cheated.

№ 474: Belief

True believers 
always agree:
the truth is whatever
they need it to be.
They know THE TRUTH,
do the believers.
If you don't agree, 
you're with the deceivers.
The deceivers who lie,
who, of course, need to die.

№ 473: Donald Serenades The Base (A Hand In The Till?)

(with apologies to Carl Sigman and Charles Danvers)

Email subscribers click here.

I give you reason to live.

All I do you forgive.

You support and adore me. . .

till bald Rudy grows some hair,

till Congress sprouts a pair,

till then you'll worship me.

Till Bob Mueller sees my tax,

till FOX News broadcasts facts,

till then you'll all fall for me.

I am old white men's revenge,
I have come to avenge
all that's gone on before me.

Till Vlad and Xi agree

they've had enough of me,

till when I'm doing time.

№ 472: A Rich Man Reflects On Mor(t)ality

If you wish to murder an enemy,
you had damn well better be rich.
Otherwise, you could face untoward consequences
after killing the son of a bitch.

It is not just that we rich folk
ignore the wrong arm of the law.
It's more the law is an in-joke
to ensure the poor respect force majeure.

The Gospel of Matthew* is said to imply
in heaven the last shall be first (😂).
My legal team tells me that is a lie. . .
like the myth the meek shall inherit the Earth.

When I ascend 
God shall sit by my side!
(Or he'll be sorry
that he let me die.)
_________________
* 20:16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen. — KJV

№ 471: Fool Court Press

WSJ: Chief Justice Roberts Rebuts Trump’s Attacks on Judges

WASHINGTON—Chief Justice John Roberts rebutted President Trump’s attacks on federal judges who rule against him as political actors, issuing a statement on Wednesday defending the independence and integrity of the federal judiciary.

“We do not have Obama judges or Trump judges, Bush judges or Clinton judges,” the chief justice said. “What we have is an extraordinary group of dedicated judges doing their level best to do equal right to those appearing before them. That independent judiciary is something we should all be thankful for.”

Speaking to reporters Tuesday, the president disparaged a federal court ruling against his plan to block aliens from seeking asylum if they do not enter the U.S. at designated locations.

“This was an Obama judge and I’ll tell you what, this is not going to happen anymore,” Mr. Trump said. He went on to call the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which is based in San Francisco and supervises federal law in nine western states, “a disgrace.”

The way I run MY business:

MY word is LAW;

everyone, all the time,

must bow in awe;

obey my command

or you get canned.

Running the country 
isn't that different.

Having one (total) boss 
is most efficient.

Courts and Congresses are 
all well and good,

but I AM THE LAW. 
Is that understood?

When I say “disgrace” 
I mean DIS! GRACE!

Chief “Just Ass” Roberts 
can be replaced.

Many are ready 
on the alt-Right.

All ready with robes 
(and hoods) lily white. 

№ 470: Trump On The News Of The Day, November 20, 2018 (and not)

WSJ: Trump Stands With Saudi Arabia, Plays Down Crown Prince’s Alleged Role in Journalist’s Killing

The president says, ‘maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!’

WSJ: House Democrats to Investigate Ivanka Trump’s Email Use

The House Oversight Committee will probe her use of a private email account to conduct official government business, the panel’s senior Democrat said

WSJ: Saudi Arabia Accused of Torturing Women Activists in Widening Crackdown on Dissent

Women’s-rights activists lashed and given electric shocks in prison; at least one tried to commit suicide

NYT: Trump Wanted to Order Justice Dept. to Prosecute Comey and Clinton (paywall)

NPR: President Trump Pardons 2 Thanksgiving Turkeys*

It makes me so sad 

how that guy met his fate.

Did Jared's pal order it?

It's a debate.

Who to believe?

Who is to say?

His Royal Highness

or @failedCIA?

Anyway, seems to me,
at end of day,
he was asking for it
when he got in the way.

He was fake news,
this Islamist.
Jeff Bozos' Amazon's
opinion impostor.
WaPo's Arab terrorist.

The Muslim Brotherhood's

own Jim Acosta.

I am “sad” he's dead,
but I look ahead
to weapon sales
and important details
of my cunning plan
to mess with Iran
with Saudi proxy.
Goddamn, I'm foxy!

       *  *  *

Rethinking Hillary's

email private server:

problem is in

eye of observer.

Ivanka did same thing

but I, as her Dad,

just gotta tell you

her's wasn't bad.

When she is bad

she gets a spanking

the thought of which. . .

____ ___ __ _______.

[Write your own last line. “Knocking off” early for Thanksgiving here at The Dog. 

Happy Holiday Merry XMAS?]

_________________
*not Don Jr. and Eric

№ 469: The Route Of The Problem

Withal the stimuli —

geographic, ethnic, religious, sexual,   

skin tone, political, diet, linguistical,

economic, national —

no one is rational.

The cause of our fusses?

Excessive surpluses of impetuses.

№ 468: Family Resemblance

Encyclopædia Britanica: The Oldest Human Ancestor

Jian Han, Northwest University, China

. . .the creatures were bilaterally symmetrical with a body dominated by a single large opening that was probably used for both eating and excreting waste. . .

Howdy there, great-great-great-great. . .grandmaw (grandpaw?).

We have evolved. Excuse our chutzpah.

Can't say where-when-why-how this came to pass,

but some separate their mouth from their ass.

Others continue your ancient tradition.

They make up the species H. politician.

№ 467: Sustainability Overruled!

Foreign Policy: Why Growth Can’t Be Green (Bypass subscription stuff to read article)

New evidence suggests that green growth isn’t the panacea everyone has been hoping for. In fact, it isn’t even possible.

BUT. . .if we really try,
surely we can
come up with something.
We are God's plan!

If God's people can't,
perhaps scientists
can make sure the species
will somehow persist.

After all,
we are the point.
Why God (or Nature)
created this joint.

It couldn't be,
in any event,
that Nature thinks us
irrelevant.

Are we not blessed?
(Or, at worst, Earth's curse?)
Are we NOT the reason
for the Universe?!

You don't mean however much
some of us rant,
we won't save the planet
because we can't?

DAMN!

№ 466: Donald Pan

(with apologies to Moose Charlap and Carolyn Leigh and children everywhere)


Email subscribers click here. (Youtube “stop” code does not work for this link. Parody lyrics end at 1:36. See blog for trimmed video.)

I'm lying.

Like Roy Cohn always taught

always lie you won't get caught.

I'm lying.

I'm lying.

CNN can't see me

and I own GOP.

I'm flying.

I watch only FOX 'coz it's fact free

and that is why our fans love me.

I'm lying.

Watch me now build my wall.

“Number one”, fun for all.

The white working class

love me, bet your ass

I'm lying.

I'll fly Air Force One straight into space.

I dream of Ivanka all dressed in lace.

I'm lying.

Easier than Vlad thought

democracy is untaught.

I just wink and smile.

Republicans Sieg Heil!
and say, “Remember when. . ."

and then in a little while

it's dying.

№ 465: Winter Of Our President

Dark days are coming

and it is clear

it isn’t just

time of the year.

Dark days are coming,

dark times ahead.

Is there a reason

to get out of bed?

There is the matter

of your full bladder

and it is getting on

time for your meds.

So move your ass,

reach for your glasses,

turn on the TV,

see who's newly dead.

№. 464.1: EXTRA! White House Coo Coup (another one, yawn)

WSJ: Trump Weighs Replacing Chief of Staff John Kelly in White House Shake-Up

West Wing considers high-level shakeup as it prepares for final two years of first term

“This is how the president works,” one White House official said. “He’s doused a bunch of people in gasoline and he’s waiting for someone to light a match.”

Oh, how I wish I were MBS.

Then I would respond to unpleasantness

with a simple instruction, “Off with his head!”

Must it be this hard to make someone dead?

Not necessarily ACTUALLY dead.

Just make them go away instead.

It makes me weary, weary and tired,

to tell General Kelly who's to be fired.

Can't do it myself — too conscious-stricken.

And, truth to tell, I'm a big chicken.

Clucking and fussing, I am a mess.

I'm in a permanent state of distress.

Can I bring back Jeff Sessions, my sweet Keebler elf?

Must I tell Kelly to go fire himself?

№ 464: No Rhymes For A Reason (perverse and free)

Guardian: Crown Prince’s wings clipped as Khashoggi death rattles Riyadh

“He’d seen Abu Ghraib, renditions, death penalties, and he felt comforted by Trump. He could not understand why this was happening to him.”

* * *

“Sure, that's what I mean,” Doc Daneeka said. “A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.”

Yossarian knew what he meant.

“That's not what I meant,” Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.

― Joseph Heller, Catch 22

To: Jared@whitehouse.gov
From: MBS@MBS.MBS
Subject: WTF!

Yo bro,

You come into my house 
on the day my daughter 
is to be married  
complaining I did a murder?

Kid-ding! 
I'm thirty-three. 
My daughter — 
if I have a daughter — 
is too young 
to marry off 
to my brother's son. 

We're waiting 

till they're ten. 

Can't start 

planning succession 
too early.
Know what I mean? 

Great flick, 
Godfather. 
So many life lessons. 
You kiss my “ring”, 
I kiss yours? 
Know what I mean?

But seriously, Jarhead — 
you don't mind 
I call you Jarhead?

Okay, okay, USMC 
might have a problem. 
Pussy 🐱 like you 
called by their nickname. . .

But what's the deal here? 
I off a news guy —
a friggin' news guy! — 
and everyone gets upset? 
You're upset. 
The big guy. . .
Really big. 239? 
That's a joke, right? 
I mean, 239? 
He dresses like me  maybe —
MAYBE! — 
he pulls it off. 
But a polo shirt? 
(Great game, polo. 
You play?) 
Come on. 
(If he wants some thawbs, 
I can get him a deal. 
Better than this Amazon shit. 
Headgear different from KKK, 
but otherwise. . .
And, man, 
does it does hide the pounds.) 
He's upset? 
Putin poisons people 
and that's okay 
but I cut off Khashoggi's head  
there's hell to pay? 

You guys never complained 
about women and kids 
I bomb the shit out of in Yemen. 
You maybe would be happier if 
I used U.S. Steel to cut heads 
like I use U.S. bombs? 
Besides, we strangled 
the sonofabitch first, 
fer crissake. 
PBUH. 
(Sorry. 
Forgot. 
Jesus is not your guy. 
No joke, you all look alike. 
No kike, you all joke alike? 
Sorry, dude.😊) 

Help me out here. 
I need the rule book. 
I thought we had this thing, 
you and me.
I am so disappointed.☹☹
Know what I mean?

WHAT PART OF 
“ABSOLUTE FUCKING MONARCHY” 
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? 
We ain't no girlie 
Mafia Joisey construction crew 
like maybe you're used to.

Is it because I'm an A-rab? 
That's racist, man.
Love to Ivanka. 
Know what I mean?😜

Best,
MBS (PBUM)

№ 463: Raindrops Not Fallin' On MY Head

Politico: Trump’s rain decision casts dark clouds over his Paris trip

'Those veterans the president didn’t bother to honor fought in the rain, in the mud, in the snow,' John Kerry writes.

“If Dems can’t figure out how to make hay for days out of Trump not visiting military cemetery on anniversary of conclusion of WWI because of a little rain ... while other leaders attend ... they really don’t deserve to win in 2020,” said Tucker Martin, a former adviser to the Republican Governors Association who also ran communications for Gov. Chris Christie’s Super PAC in 2016.

Of course, I acknowledge unpayable debts*

all of us owe U.S. World War I vets.

(Who, I heard, died reclaiming French land

from my ancestor Germans. But I understand.

I, myself, was once all set to serve

until the draft board, I gue$$, lo$t their nerve.

FIVE TIME$ they decided I'd be deferred!

Me! A poor $tudent. A geniu$. Bone-$purred.)

It's not I don't honor battle-dead vets. . .

(With dew respect, I dasn't get my hair wet

because it's so thin. Whenever it rains

I worry water will seep into my brains.

Yes, I said BRAINS! Mine have extra parts.

That is why I am so smart.)

(I prefer “heroes” not killed or captured†.

And living suckers over those “raptured”.

All us great leaders are pickers and choosers.

And we don't choose dead, low-energy losers!)

________________

*On the campaign trail, Donald Trump has said dealing with the nation’s $18 trillion debt will be easy. One reason: Trump could just choose to ignore it. That appears to be how Trump has dealt with some of the debt on his own balance sheet. — Fortune, March 23, 2016

†Appearing on Saturday at the Family Leadership Summit in Ames, Iowa, the real estate mogul took his running feud with Arizona Sen. John McCain to a new level. 

“He’s not a war hero,” said Trump. “He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”  —  POLITICO, 7/19/2015

№ 462: Natural Socks Fetish Thereto

There are few things in life

“fresh out-of-the-box”

that offer more pleasure

than a pair of new socks.

I mean “brandy-new”

not just freshly washed,

with fibers all springy.

I mean. . .“Golly, gosh!”

Cotton or woolen,

your feet'll be smilin'.

(Unless, of course,

your new socks are nylon

or some other synthetic

just as pathetic.)

№ 461.1: EXTRA! Divine Vengeance Defined

Guardian: Matthew Whitaker: acting attorney general said judges should be Christian

Trump’s replacement for Jeff Sessions to lead the justice department said judges needed a ‘biblical view of justice’

In the Constitution,

religion is (WRONGLY!)

seen as a matter of choice.

This mistaken, Satanic interpretation

has forced us to speak in a less LORDLY voice

than we know we should have

(would have if we could have)

as we are God’s chosen,

whose opinions are frozen

to Biblical chapter and verse,

King James Version,

Old and New Testaments,

away Papist vestments

and everything else we deem perverse.

The Quran is FAKE news!

Who needs Judge Jews

when we alone know

all of God’s views?

I am your Holy Roller

Christian Ayatollah!
And President Trump
is God's own steamroller!

Department of Justice?

It’ll be just us.

Trust us.😇😇😇😇

№ 461: Advice To Incoming “Freshmen”

Had we stayed in the trees

enjoying the breezes. . .

No Hitler.

No Stalin.

No Mao.

Great Genghis Khan

would not be long gone.

He'd never have been anyhow.

Species designed for life arboreal,

down on the ground become territorial,

tending to trend toward dictatorial.

We fear repercussions,
dear monkey cousins,
should you think of descending —

which we're not recommending.

“The golden couple” Marsel van Oosten/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

№ 460.1: EXTRA! Ending Sessions — a look back

WSJ: Jeff Sessions Pushed Out as Attorney General

Exit comes after months of attacks from Trump over Russia probe

No. LXXXVIII: The First Cabinet Meeting (to end all cabinet meetings?)

No. CXIII.I: EXTRA! Recording Sessions?

No. CLVI.i: EXTRA! Sessions Recusal, Regrets And Regressions

No. 280.2: EXTRA! Sessions Repressions (my kingdom for a gun?)

No. 292.1: EXTRA! Trump Speaks Through Mouthpiece On McCabe Firing

№ 350.2: EXTRA! The Red Queen Lives!

№ 357.1: EXTRA! What Sessions Mentions (or beware evil weevils quoting scripture)

№ 358.1: EXTRA! No Room At The Inn (Again)

№ 360.1: EXTRA! Half-Cocked Sessions Defrocked?

№ 389: Matthew 25:40 (updated)

№ 390.1: EXTRA! Trump Ets, Blows Smoke

№ 414.1: EXTRA! Jeff Sessions — the AG and the conspiracy

№ 426.2: EXTRA! A Very Stable Genius? (hold your horses)

№ 460: POV

The OPTIMIST SAYS,

“THE GLASS IS HALF-FULL.”

The PESSIMIST SAYS,

“IT'S HALF-EMPTY.”

The realist says,

“This too shall pass.”

when you master the Zen

№ 459: The Fruit Of Our Labors Poisons Our Neighbors

The Sidney Morning Herald: Zoo won't panda to taste, says fruit's too sweet for its monkey menu

“The issue is the cultivated fruits have been genetically modified to be much higher in sugar content than their natural, ancestral fruits,” says Dr Michael Lynch, the zoo’s head vet.

Here we go. “Improving” on Nature.

Which could be seen as our signature feature.

If we'd left “well enough” alone,

we'd never have known the Apple iPhone.

Nor had pollution from gasoline.

Satanically clever, we human beings. 

Inventive and bright, incredibly lucid,
albeit also gobsmackingly stupid.

Really, don't you think it a hoot

that we have created unhealthy fruit?
And bred wolves into Yorkies. And Pekingese!
Because we've accomplished feats such as these,
Mother Nature sees us a disease.
But we are here. And we will endure.
Unless and until Mother N finds a cure.

[updated 11/6/2018 9:50 am]

№ 458: Think Happy Thoughts

LIFE?

It is what it is.

Say what you will,

it is less swell than swill.

Go!

Hold a mirror to Nature.

See it reveal her most meaningful feature:

the drive, by ALL 
and ANY means,

to pass along packets of genes.

From single cells

to mighty blue whales

passing on genes

is what fills the sails.
Everything else. . .
meaningless detail.

Love and compassion?

The Caravan

Mere passing fashion.

Democracy?

Election Night, 2016

Justice?

Brett Kavanaugh

Just window dressing.

Art?

The Scream, Edvard Munch, 1893

Talk of distressing.

Yes, it's depressing.

LIFE?

It isn't a quiz.
LIFE.

It's one messy biz.

LIFE!

It is what it is.