The Saga Continues

 at The BYSTANDER. (<=Click)

AN ANNOUNCEMENT

THE DAILY DOGGEREL is moving back in time.

Same bad rhymes and uneven meter.
Now in a flatbed press form
which was the norm
in the time of Queen Anne
before the U.S. was born.
When near absolute monarchs were bold
and the low-born did what we were told.
A time the GOP much doth prefer.
(Albeit the monarch back then was a her.)

The BYSTANDER. and THE DAILY DOGGEREL

926: Generating Problems

 A HOUSE DIVIDED (August 19) —  

There are those who say children should be in school.

To which we reply, “Really?"

These inborn immigrants are after our jobs

and although we do love them dearly,

deep down we know they want to replace us,

take all that is rightfully ours,

that they plan to, if they can’t erase us,

place us in “rest homes” somewhere on Mars

where we’ll never see our grandchildren again

as we lapse into senility,

while they, ungrateful, live in our houses

and treat us with outright hostility.

So, no, we say. No school for them.

Let them figure it out on their own.

We want them out of our homes!

We do not need them. It costs so to feed them. 

What were thinking? Why did we breed them?

Put them in cages somewhere on the border.

Get them out now. THAT IS AN ORDER!

925: WH Complaint Dept.

 THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. 

Senate Panel’s Russia Probe Found Counterintelligence Risks in Trump’s 2016 Campaign (Paywall)

A substantial portion of the report focuses on the connections of onetime Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort with Konstantin Kilimnik, who is officially described for the first time as a Russian intelligence officer, and Russia-aligned oligarchs in Ukraine. Mr. Manafort’s high-level campaign access and willingness to share information with Mr. Kilimnik and others “represented a grave counterintelligence threat,” the report concluded.

The report also states that Mr. Manafort might have been connected to the Russian intelligence operation to hack and leak Democratic emails as part of its broader effort to denigrate Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and support Mr. Trump’s campaign. 

WARNING:
Trump private speech is simulated. Reader caution is advised.

FROM THE PRESIDENT'S DESK: (August 18) —

WHAT THE FUCK, Mitch?

SON OF A BITCH!

How could you let this shit happen?

With S&P hitting new high today

last thing I need is more crappin'

witch hunts from Democrat cunts.

What the fuck is the benefit

of controlling the Senate if it

refuses to cover my ass?

I can't see why you bozos can't lie

as you've been doing en masse

since selling your soul 

to reach your goal

of repealing the twentieth century.

Without me do you think you would be

within reach of complete victory?

924: If Only

 ALTERNATE REALITY (August 17) —

Can you imagine the fuss THEY’d be making

if Hillary Clinton were president?

Covid would surely be “God’s judgment upon

a sinful, God-sneering Washington resident.”

She’d to be blame for all hurricanes.

Those midwestern storms destroying farms?

“God's condemnation of bitchcraft and charms.”

“Donnie come save us”, they’d weep and wail.

But he would not. He’d be in jail.

923: The Conservative MANifesto

 ON YOUR MARX GET SO (August 16) —

NOTHING! whatever is wrong with the country.

Everything’s just peachy-keen.

We just need to fiddle a bit in the middle …

if you get what we mean?  

There is the question of women’s “rights” …

don’t get us wrong we love our women.

We will not neglect them. We will protect them.

We’ll keep ’em in bed- AND table linen.

Then there’s the issue of “rights” for minorities —

all those non-White or unChristian.

We don’t see “races”. They have their places.

In their assigned, lower positions. 

SCOTUS is right. Business is people.

And, yes, they give us donations.

BUT, unlike individuals, they should not be subject

to laws or controls or regulations. 

A sperm and an egg. One person or two?

We will protect the unborn.

All fertile women will give birth once a month.

(Talk of your “maiden all forlorn”!) 

Of course, we support two party democracy —

well, perhaps, one-and-a-half.

Between ourselves and Kanye West

we’ve got you covered. All else is chaff.  

Church and State must be kept separate.

With OUR Church ensconced on top.

All other “faiths” will be forbidden,

their believers leaving or compelled to swap.

 

Guns are not cars. Or dogs. Or marriage.

No license for guns shall be required.

Unlike those things, guns are quite safe, 

and, as with wives, they can be “fired”.  

 

Criminal activity will be prohibited.

We will strongly enforce all the laws

that we agree with and that do not interfere

with our doing whatever we want just because. 

By conceiving ourselves as God’s Only Party,

we believe we’ll achieve everlasting authority.

The vast majority, however, we note

does not share our view. They must not vote.

We have the answer to every question

whether you like it or not.

If you can’t accept this God's honest TRUTH,

you will be frog-marched outside and shot.

922: The Suburban Housewife's Guide To Donnie

 THE WAY IT SHOULD BE (August 13) — 

We must never be “nasty” to Donnie.

He is such a sensitive lad.

The teensiest bit of unfair appraisal

makes him incredibly SAD.

We must — all of us! — chant fulsome praises,

sing he's a helluva chap

and, of course, always assure him

contrary opinion is crap.

All that we do must aid and abet him.

If he wishes to grab us, then we must let him.

We must be young, demure, and pretty.

(Unlike the scum from the inner city.)

His sure (though small) hand will forever prevail

and we will live happily in his Handmaid's Tale

to know, love, and serve — dare we say adore? —

his head on a steak atop Mount Rushmore.

921: Donnie V Virus

 HERE ANOW (August 12) —

In this virus has Trump met his match?

It is as mindless as he.

Although it is in far better shape

and would prefer much less publicity.

It does not boast, it does not lie,

nor would it fondle a lady's … “thigh”.

It goes about doing its job.

(And, unlike him, has no ties to the mob.)

It is, let's just say, a great deal more reticent

and it would make a better president.

920: Germ Theory

LOOKOUT OUTLOOK (August 11) —

It was only in the late nineteenth century 

that we “discovered” what causes disease.

And yet today we obsess on “God Blessing”

when anyone near us happens to sneeze.

Here’s the thing about germs and us:

we lived together for many millennia.

Okay, they killed us (it was God’s will)

and we developed resistance until

we could kill them with injection or pill.

The final battle has now commenced.

There can be no truce since they have no sense.

And anyway there would be naught to discuss.

The Earth isn't big enough for both of us.

It's bound to be a fight to the end.

Given their numbers, I'd bet on them.

919: Vaccination Vexing Nation

THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN (August 10) —

What if we had vaccines safe and effective

and then our AMERICAN nutjob collective

said, “I am on to your devious plots

to mess with my bodily fluids.

It’s a free country. I know my rights

No way I’m gonna take it!

No way that you can make me!”?

Click

It’s Donnie’s World. He’s Looney Tunes,

saying, “We’ll see. Probably soon.”

918: Off The People, Buy The People, Fore! The People

BEAT THE CLOCK (August 9) —

Donnie “honestly” thinks he’s the good guy.

Which, while incredibly “SAD”[!],

serves to bolster the foregone conclusion

that he’s irredeemably mad.

This isn't simply acute Dunning-Kruger.

(Which, nonetheless, still applies.)

It's Donnie's total lack of awareness

from which all of the problems arise.

“A republic,” said Franklin, “if you can keep it.”

back in the day way back when

the Founding Fathers believed that we would.

Frankly, my dears, I doubt that we can.

917: Live Free And Die

American bikers’ display of free-dumb is yet another reason to keep our border closed (Paywall)

When the 80th annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally opens Aug. 7 in South Dakota, it will probably be the largest gathering of humanity anywhere in the world this year. Organizers expect a quarter of a million people to attend over its 10 days. 

“The City of Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is an icon of American Freedom and Independence,” said the City Council in a June press release that confirmed the rally would go ahead, despite daily increases in recorded cases of the COVID-19 virus.

American Free-dumb, more like. The Black Hills will be a petri dish of contagion, spreading back through the United States after the partying rally-goers return home in mid-August. Contact tracing will be near-impossible and pointless.

LIBERTARIANVILLE (August 6) —

I’d rather be on a slab in the morgue

than to cover my mouth with a mask. It

is my choice, I choose to live free.

Also, I got a great deal on a casket.

So I infect others? Boohoo! Too bad.

It's a free country. YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!

If you choose to suck in my air,

and get stuck by the virus, I don’t really care

about you and your kind, you sissy sod.

Stay out of my way and hands off my Hog.

916: Donnie Rates Himself Vs The “Competition”

STATE OF CONFUSION (August 5) —

Their's lotsa presidents lots worsen me.

For one there’s Attila the Hun,

who is president (I think) in Hun-gar-y

where I hear no one has fun.

Then there’s DeGaulle whose nose isn’t small.

Someone said he isn’t Jewish.

And Indira Gandhi who rules in India.

They tell me she’s seen as shrewish.

There’s Carlos (maybe Juan?) something in Mexico

and somewhere, south of there, someone named Pedro.

And those guys in Africa . . . who remembers their names?

And some foreign countries are ruled by dames.

New Australia (I think) is one of them.

And maybe Helsinki whose capital’s Poland.

Wherever I look on the world map,

next to me everyone’s crap.

Except Russia. And, of course, Kim.

When I grow up, I wanna be him.

915: An Offer You Can't Refuse

Trump Says U.S. Should Get Slice of TikTok Sale Price (Paywall)

President says he told Microsoft’s Nadella that U.S. should get a cut ‘because we’re making it possible for this deal to happen’

TRUMPINITE SOCIAL CLUB (August 4) —

Dis TikTok ting, yez got goin’ here?

Be a shame if sumthin’ — well, you know . . . happened.

Maybe a fire? Sum broken wires?

Legs ’n thumbs started, I dunno, snappin’?

Wut I cn do is make shure your safe —

it’s kinda like bein’ insured —

jes’ gimme a bitta the cut — off th’ top —

’n all yer troubles are “cured”.

Click

914: Large Graft Warming

DENIAL NATIONAL PARK (August 3) —

The only reason they’re having this hurricane

is to make me look bad.

There’ll be lotsa wind, there’ll be lotsa rain.

Waste of effort. Pathetic. Totally SAD.

My people — wonderful folks — know I am not to blame

for anything bad that ever happens. And they know I am sane.

America’s number one stable genius. The smartest guy in the room.

Who has no need for facts and figures. Or Fauci and Birx presumed doom and gloom.

Who will never panic over some fake pandemic.

(Which is fading, so laugh it off.)

Who will never acknowledge racism’s systemic

and may even ask O. J. to come play some golf.

Who is not afraid of fake climate “science”.

(Global warming’s a Chinese-made myth.)

Who eschews clean air and water compliance.

Who always gets what he wants forthwith.

913: Tweet Storm Warning

NOAA HURRICANE CENTER (August 2) —

If Dems, afraid of Chinese diseases,

do not show up to vote,

while Republicans flock to the the polls even sneezing,

bye-bye Joe Biden — that’s all she wrote.

I propose postponing election

’til we are rid of Chinese infection.

Somebody told me Article II

permits me to do whatever I want to.

I intend to prevent insurrection

with no leftist anarchist avoiding detection.

Blah, blah, blah. So “BLACK LIVES MATTER!”?

Tear gas and flashbangs. See how they scatter,

before my glorious cammo-clad Stasi

and multifarious posses comitati.