No. CXLIV: is their intelligent life on earth?

I know what you're thinking
and without doubt
we've done...stuff...
NOT what I'm talkin' about
stone tools cave painting
are maybe good
but don't really improve
the neighborhood
we always insist
on getting top billing
we never do anything
not about killing
is there intelligent life on earth
I personally doubt it
for what it's worth

No. CXLIII: Equal GOPportunity

if things as they are benefit me
at your expense
that is how things should be

changes that might be of profit to you
at my expense
are strictly taboo

I want only that things be fair
by which I mean
HANDS OFF MY SHARE

what's mine is mine
what I have I've earned
your "disadvantages" — NOT my concern

I live and believe in the land of the free
I oppose anything
that won't profit me

since I benefit from status quo
if you suggest change
I'll always say no

how do I view life as a whole
I win you lose
I earned you stole

let me explain with clarity
you exist only
due to my charity

my ancestors won I am their heir
yours lost you suffer
and I really don't  care

No. CXLII: The Art Of Surreal (Donald's Head: outside hairy, inside scary)

Robert E. Lee a traitor? 
Is that a barrier
to putting his name on 
my next aircraft carrier.
If they say I'm cahootin',
next ship in this class 
U.S.S. Tsar Vladimir Putin.

Gotcha! 
Just kidding. 
But it's within my power, 
to rebrand a carrier as a Trump Tower.
And, BELIEVE ME, I know what sells,
welcome to TRUMP DELUXE FLOATING HOTELS.
.

No. CXLI: Making Ends Mete

Alt-right Trump followers,
hate-loving wallowers
(way today GOP goes),
leave McConnell and Ryan
desperately tryin'
to carry on holding their nose.

Has breach of the peace meant
impending impeachment?
Really too early to tell.
Sensing an ending,
way things are trending,
they sure as hell ain't ending well.

No. CXL: Weekend Update! Trump Hits Traffic Cohn?

WaPo: Trump confronts unprecedented public rebuke by Gary Cohn after Charlottesville (Paywall)

Cohn lashed Trump’s comments earlier this month blaming the violence in Charlottesville on “both sides,” saying in an interview with the Financial Times that “citizens standing up for equality and freedom can never be equated with white supremacists, neo-Nazis, and the KKK.”

Be wary, Gary. Hold the phone, Cohn.
You're in a remake of Home Alone
with Bannon as "Harry" and Gorka as "Marv"
equally eager to have you dissolve.
Trump as "Buzz" now thinks you too surly,
so, as with others, he'll retire you early.

No. CXXXIX.i: EXTRA! Trump "Apologizes"

if oftentimes I sound ridic'lous
remember my brain's riddled with syphilis
back from the time in the seventies (eighties?)
I was involved with some "shady" ladies
I told Howard Stern I am what I am
the damned STD's were my Vietnam*
it makes no difference to my supporters
who still offer me their wives and their daughters
that black guy behind me, I call him [REDACTED]
and he still supports me, so GTF figger
___________________
*“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider,” Trump said in the interview when Howard Stern asked how he handled making sure he wasn’t contracting STDs from the women he was sleeping with. —  People Magazine

He was, of course, lying. (A salesman's gotta lie.) It is also why he never released his detailed medical records. That and his cocaine addiction. But at least he wasn't born in Kenya and is not a Muslim, eh? (Or is he?)

No. CXXXIX: Today's Crystal Balling Appalling And Galling

not content with being third-rate
Trump's out to create a great big failed state
his how-to-repair-what-ails-ya
is like Maduro's in Venezuela
disband legislature co-opt the courts
(while he golfs at his resorts)
to renew the country remake it pristine
he'd make like Duterte in The Philippines
making America double-plus greater
shooting first he'd ask questions later
or never
whatever

like Best-Friend-4ever Tsar Vlad
those who oppose make him "so sad"
but unlike that cagey B-minus guy
Trump can't rely on his FBI
to fix things by bumping folks off
("my kingdom for his Kalashnikov")
if Vlad gifts Trump a gun
it's open season on everyone
Trump bold
with "Kalash"* gold
lots of luck
WTF

duck

one alternate fate
"evangelical caliphate"
setting Constitution aside
the Bible our infallible guide
kept as a remnant
the second amendment
or if Xi Jinping fails to prevail
upon North Korea to lower their sail
then avoiding a nuclear boom 
depends on sanity of Kim Jong Un
which means doom
I assume

you think things are bleak
just wait'll next week
debt ceiling/budget
fudge it
_____________
*Russian slang for Kalashnikov type rifles — Wikipedia

No. CXXXVIII: Is He Crazy?

New York Magazine: Trump’s Aides Tried to Conceal His Crazy, Racist Beliefs From the Country (Paywall?)

...Trump is a dangerous and erratic figure, and somebody needs to try to steer him away from decisions that would provoke unalterable tragedy.

is he crazy
or is it an act
can he distinguish
a lie from a fact
(Joe Stalin was paranoid
or so they say
and that did not ever
get in his way)
narsiscism plus grandiosity
adds up to extreme bellicosity
does he rant just on a whim
does he think it's about him
craziness maybe
but not to excess
helped contribute to his "success"
Good Lord what a mess
the grownups around him
without doubt
believe they can figure it out
getting on with "what needs to be done"
(were I in their shoes believe me I'd run)
so hard to imagine what lies ahead
and soon or late we'll all be dead
regrettably led by the oblate buffoon
it may be too late to not be too soon

No. CXXXVII: The McConnell And The Donald

NYT:  McConnell, in Private, Doubts if Trump Can Save Presidency (Paywall)

What was once an uneasy governing alliance has curdled into a feud of mutual resentment and sometimes outright hostility, complicated by the position of Mr. McConnell’s wife, Elaine L. Chao, in Mr. Trump’s cabinet...

This is not the War of the Roses, by Jesus.
It's a pissing contest between geezer Cæsars.
Donald's three-score-eleven, Mitch is seventy-five.
What have they in common? Younger foreign-born wives.
McConnell's second, Trump's third.
(Sanc-tit-y of marriage? Do not be absurd!)
Back in aught-eight, did not Mitch present
an argument for a one-term president?
That didn't work out, but it is clear
since that failed, he will now persevere.
(And damn it to hell,
let's, in this, wish him well.)

No. CXXXVI: The Great Game Encore

NYT: Angry Trump Grilled His Generals About Troop Increase, Then Gave In (Paywall)

On Monday night, Mr. Trump finally put forward a broader strategy for Afghanistan, one that would require thousands more American troops but place more conditions on the Afghan government....As a private citizen, he repeatedly called on Mr. Obama to withdraw the troops.

Foreign Affairs: Afghanistan, Graveyard of Empires, November/December 2001, (Free registration or paid subscription required)

THE GREAT GAME
...This spot...has witnessed the traverse of the world's great armies on campaigns of conquest...All eventually ran into trouble...

Alexander the Great...ran into fierce resistance...Genghis Khan and the great Mughal emperors...a millennium later...established the greatest of empires -- but only after reaching painful accommodations with the Afghans...

In the nineteenth century...the Great Game, the contest between the United Kingdom and Russia for control of Central Asia and India...[saw]...[t]he first Afghan War (1839-42)...British commanders sent a huge army of British and Indian troops into Afghanistan to secure it against Russian incursions, replacing the ruling emir with a British protege...by January 1842 the British were forced to withdraw from Kabul with a column of 16,500 soldiers and civilians...only a single survivor...made it to Jalalabad...

...The British would repeat [their] mistakes in the second Afghan War (1878-81), as would the Soviets a century later...

If Afghanistan isn't the graveyard of empires,

perhaps it's the hospice where empires expire,

where aiming for victory, clean and complete,

in the end all anyone finds is defeat.

(Meantime: Bannon back at his old professions
contemplates corps of modern day Hessians

and Trump, as he views the eclipse with bare eyes,
says, "The sun never shines brighter than me!")

No. CXXXV: "Very Fine People"

They're fine? To you.

Okay. Name me two.

Name me three.

Name me four.

Name me a dozen.

Name me a score.

IF they are fine,

and not white supremacists

nor neo-Nazis

nor anti-feminists

nor antisemites

nor LGBTQ haters,

(indeed, if they never

fail to tip waiters!),

why DID they march

under Swastika banners?

That's not polite.

That's very bad manners.

Marched with folks screaming

“Land”, “Blood”, “Sieg Heil”.

You say they're fine.
Perhaps you mean vile?

They're fine to you?

Okay, name me two.

Then name me two more.

Name me a dozen.

Name a score.

Get them on camera.

Hear what they say.

If you still think they're “fine”,

resign, okay? 
Then go away.

No. CXXXIV.ii EXTRA! Counting Our Blessings?

WaPo: An overview of the firings, resignations and withdrawn nominations of the Trump White House (Paywall)

Michael Flynn, Katie Walsh, Reinhold Priebus.

Steve Bannon is just the latest to leave us.

Sean Spicer, Mike Dubke, the scary MOOCH.

Who will be last to flee the White Hooch?

Several dozen C.E.O. bro's

saw the Emperor was not wearing clothes.

Walter Shaub, Michael Short and Mike Corallo.

The body count grows at The Trump Foul Corral-o.

No. CXXXIV.i: EXTRA! Presidential Power (a statement from the desk of the President of the Untied States of America, President Donald J. Trump, President of the Untied States of America)

Since the office I work in an ellipse,

I've decided to cancel next Monday's eclipse.

If that does not work, it is in my powers

to order instead coast-to-coast showers.

If I can't stop the moon blotting the sun,

what is the point, where is the fun?

I'm here to end U.S. decline.

Just believe what I tell you and things'll be fine.

To those who oppose, I say watch where you tread:

I'm practicing saying, "Off with their heads!”

No. CXXXIV: A Note To Our Reader(s)

After a week of cocktails Romanov...
too tired to rhyme...need a day off.
Therefore, in lieu of a new rhymed "McGuffin"
here is NBC's Late Night Ms. Amber Ruffin.

No. CXXXIII.i: EXTRA! Nonsense On Pedestals

To "celebrate history" it would be absurd
to put up a statue of King George the Third.
One simple fact, there is no debate here:
Confederate statues celebrate traitors.
Yes, it's our history, but come on now, Donald.
Do you see statues of Benedict Arnold?
(Never examined in these discourses:
why Southerners worship dead losers on horses.)
And, however hard you may sleuth,
even Dixie lacks statues of John Wilkes Booth.

No. CXXXIII: The President From Hell

The president's unwell,

he's made a living hell.

Heigh-ho the derry-o,

the president's unwell.

The man, he has no soul

and lacks all self-control.

Heigh-ho the derry-o,

this man, he has no soul.

The man is indiscrete.

Repeatedly he tweets

ungrammatic rambling bleats.

The president doth tweet.

The president doth flirt

with white hoods and brown shirts.

Even when not chasing skirt,

the president doth flirt.

HE LOST THE CEO's!

HE. LOST. THE. C. E. O.'s!

A PRESIDENT FROM GOP

LOST THE CEO's!?

Analysis will find

he is out of his mind.

Pence enlist the Twenty-Fifth*

and put this mess behind.

____________

*Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty-eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty-one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty-one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office. 

—U.S. Constitution, Amendment XXV, Section 4

No. CXXXII: On The Other (Small) Hand

AP: Trump's denouncement disappoints, angers white nationalists

President Donald Trump's condemnation of hate groups - two days after his initially equivocal response to a deadly attack at a rally in Virginia - disappointed and even angered some of the white nationalists, white supremacists and neo-Nazis who supported and felt emboldened by his presidential campaign.

WSJ: Trump Says ‘Both Sides’ to Blame in Charlottesville Violence, Reversing Monday’s Stance (Paywall)

Former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke swiftly praised the president for his remarks.

What sort of premises

can make a nemesis

of MY good friends

the white supremacists?

They see, generally,

Bobby Lee as their hero,

an oath-breaking traitor

who made the South greater.

This so-called assault

was not their fault.

They have to attack

any Jew, brown or black.

They hate "fake news"
but like a few Jews...
like that boy Jared
Ivanka married.

They are AMERICANS!

Not drug-dealing Mexicans!

Not Muslim terrorists!

Not TV satirists!

You'd put them in pillories

like they were Hillarys?

Don't tell me they're bad.

You'll make me “sad”.

No. CXXXI: The McConnell-Ryan Quandry

Does GOP Congress have grounds divorce...
what with Trump on his collusion course?
McConnell and Ryan for better or worse
sold him their souls. #Perverse.

Better or worse? Trump's blather for wars.
(What's the "deal" with the bladders of Russian whores?)
Does it make a diff? The DJI soars
as Trump bathes in the base. (Which he adores.)

His businesses thriving, he's ever greedier
for money and fame. Attacking "fake" media,
becoming neediest from only needier,
his entry "the best" in Wikipedia.

Have McConnell and Ryan destroyed their careers
crocheting a silk purse from this pig's ear?
Will they remove him or make him jump?
Or are we stuck with Hail To The Lump?

No. CXXX.ii: EXTRA! Sent From The Tent (or Bannon Go Yurt)

NYT: Bannon in Limbo as Trump Faces Growing Calls for the Strategist’s Ouster (Paywall)

Rupert Murdoch has repeatedly urged President Trump to fire him.  

Time to ban Bannon?

His date's expired.

So bad is he,

Murdoch wants him fired!

Now that it's printed,

it can not happen.

And, besides,

Donald likes Bannon.

He one hundred percent agrees with his views

and if he fires him this won't be "fake news"!

No. CXXX.i: EXTRA! Prayer Of Thanks (August 14, 2017)

NYT: The Hate He Dares Not Speak Of (Paywall)

“He didn’t attack us,” crowed The Daily Stormer, a white supremacist website, about Mr. Trump’s statement after the two days of racist demonstrations. “Refused to answer a question about White Nationalists supporting him. No condemnation at all. When asked to condemn, he just walked out of the room. Really, really good. God bless him. 

WSJ: The Poison of Identity Politics (Paywall)

As so often with Mr. Trump, his original statement missed an opportunity to speak like a unifying political leader.

Let us give thanks unto the Lord
The New York Times' editorial board 

is ignored

               along with the (today) infernal

editorial page of THE Wall Street Journal

WaPo: Trump denounces KKK, neo-Nazis two days after Charlottesville unrest (Paywall)

The president spoke from the White House in an effort to tamp down criticism from Democrats and some Republicans that he had not been forceful enough in his comments Saturday.

To my alt-right pals:
the CAUSE is not lost
when I issued my follow-up
my fingers were crossed

As late as this morning
I thought things were fine
'til Javanka told me:
"Condemn THEM, or we'll resign"

So ignore what I "said"
I think you're beautiful
whatever I "say"
it's business as usual

No. CXXX: With Love From Me To You

친애하는 트럼프 도널드 존, 이제 정말! 어서! 당신은 내 비트를 훔쳐있어! 열광 너에 똥? 동료 익살 광대, 사랑, 김정은

Translation:

Dear Trump Donald John,

Now really! Come on!
You're stealing my bit!
The crazed ranting shit?

Your fellow buffoon,
with love, 

Kim Jong Un


"From Me To You" CMB Cover

No. CXXIX: The Unhappy Three

McConnell, Ryan and Trump:
this GOP trio have hit a speed bump.
After stealing Neil Gorsuch a seat on THE COURT,
Mitch, Donald says, fell very far short.
Paul, said Donald, instead of a "deal"
managed only to pass a fart of repeal.

And thus the finger pointing begins.
Best for the rest if nobody wins.
It will not be fair, fundamentally.
Paul and Mitch, between them, have twenty.
Donald, all thumbs, poised to retort,
has but ten fingers — and they are short.

No. CXXVIII: A Statement From The President

I am not on vacation.

I vacated WH for “long-planned” renovation.

I am Donald J. Trump.

I can't live in a dump.

I build border walls!

I do not hit golf balls.

The Korea eruption?

Creative destruction.

To make America great again

I get Kim to nuke a Demo state, then

claim credit for job creation

clearing radioactive contamination.

Fake news people say, “Can he be for real?”

(Memo to self: “reread” Art Of The Deal.)

No. CXXVII: My Favorite Alternative Facts

(with further apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

Climate is cooling and Putin's a real pal.
I'm irresistible to any real gal.
There's something about me that always attracts.
These are my favorite alternative facts.

People like tawdry and golden and gaudy.
Melania loves it when I talk naughty.
I'm adored and respected by all "the blacks".
These are some other alternative facts.

My beauty pageants welcomed me backstage.
If you hear different, that is an outrage.
Bob Mueller can't look at my income tax.
These are still more alternative facts.

When the Times writes, I tweet "Relax!"
and I add, “So sad.”
I simply retweet these alternative facts
and then I don't feel so bad.

No. CXXVI: My Favorite Lies

(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

Obama's from Kenya. I am successful.
I have not made the White House a cesspool.
I know of no one who has Russian ties.
These are a few of my favorite lies.

I'm super rich. I'm not suspected.
When I met the Pope, he genuflected.
I'm virile, a genius and very wise.
These are some more of my favorite lies.

I was not bankrupt, did not launder money
for Russian gangsters. Baldwin's not funny.
I am respected by U.S. Allies.
These are still more of my favorite lies.

When my "hair" blows over my eyes,
when I'm missing Vlad,
I simply retweet my favorite lies,
and then I don't feel “so sad”. 

No. CXXV: Imperator

This New Roman Emperor

displaying distemper...

must we be in fear o'

this fiddlestick Nero,

this geezer Caesar,

this pussy squeezer?
How should we figure

this down-market Caligula?

Distasteful, disgraceful,

all ways in-your-face full,

though he's shot his wad,
he believes he's a god!

So sad to see the Republic reversed.

(Peace be upon him, Donald the Cursed.)

No. CXXIV.I: EXTRA! Don't Bother

USA Today: Trump presses Mexico's Peña Nieto to stop publicly opposing border wall "If you are going to say that Mexico is not going to pay for the wall, then I do not want to meet with you guys anymore because I cannot live with that," Trump said in a January call, according to the Washington Post. (With apologies to Stephen Sondheim ("Send In The Clowns") Son of a bitch.

One thing is clear.

I've got to keep out all immigrants

or it's my career.

Send in the clowns.

Whatever I tweet,

Congress won't move

As much as I lie,

my folks still approve.

Where are the clowns?

Send in the clowns.

When I try to start

building my wall,

never acknowledging

the idea is screwball,

holding my rallies again,

with my beautiful hair.

Same old stale lies.

Does anyone care?

I am a farce.

Don't you agree?

Whatever else this is,

it's great late night TV.

And where are the clowns?

Quick, send in the clowns.

Don't bother, they're me.

No. CXXIV: Born That Way

WSJ: Trump Pushes Bill to Cut Number of Green Cards Issued by Half (Paywall)

Proposal would prioritize high-skilled workers, English speakers and those who are financially stable

So...Donald supports immigration bills,

if they require certain skills

to enter the U.S. Of A.?

Had this been the law in the recent past,

his foreign-born wives would never have passed.

At the end of the day,

say what you will,

being born pretty is not a skill.

No. CXXIII: Plane And Simple

Quartz: The new Air Force One will be a leftover from a bankrupt Russian airline

Both “new” Air Force Ones will be “used cars”,

previously "driven" by Vlad, Russia's "Czar".

A misinformed rant from tweeter-in-chief

forced USAF to seek relief

from price of new aircraft from Boeing.

Boeing complied, all the while knowing

the final cost would be the same 

as if they'd built two new airplanes.

Boeing 747-8 in Transaero livery

(How does this make America great?
An airframe designed in nineteen sixty-eight!?
Why not, for cost efficiency,
use Air Space Museum's antique DC-3!
In keeping with this — really, Good Lord! — 
must the president's car be a Model T Ford?)

Douglas DC-3 in Eastern livery (National Air And Space Museum)

Happily, there is another solution.

Sending Treasury Sec. Steven Mnuchin
to buy two NEW planes direct from Ilyushin: 
IL-96's, exactly like Putin's.

Ilyushin IL-96 in Russian government livery

No. CXXII: Kelly Cleans House

According to informed sources who requested anonymity since they are not authorized to speak on these matters:

Kelly told Trump he had no option:

put Don jr. and Eric up for adoption.

He then recommended that in due course

Ivanka and Jared file for divorce.

To White House aides he highlighted

countries from whence they won't be extradited*.

McConnell and Ryan he told (said one source),

“You deal with me. I am your boss.”

Off the record our source, being discreet,

said Kelly admitted his work won't be complete

until he entombs Trump in concrete.

______________________________

*http://www.wsfa.com/story/22665099/countries-with-no-extradition-treaty-with-us

No. CXXI: GOP's Thinking [sic]

WSJ: Scaramucci Removed at Urging of New Chief Kelly (Paywall)

Anthony Scaramucci has been removed from his position as White House communications director, just 10 days after it was announced he would take it. He was ousted at the urging of the new Chief of Staff John Kelly.

We must not let White House chaos dismay us.

Granted, it will somewhat delay us.

Making America "great" again

will just have to wait until when

the muck and the nonsense with Trump

helps President Pence over the hump

with a palace coup led by John Kelly.

(Who has, you know, read Machiavelli.)

With Pence as prexy and Kelly v-p,

we achieve ultimate (lasting?) victory.

See the shadow noon gnomon? It is an omen.

The U.S. is become the Empire Roman.

And, no, that is not just a teaser.

The Republic is over. Hail Kelly! Hail Caesar!