Thursday, April 12, 2018

No. 311: I'm Firing Mueller In The Morning (from L'Affaire Donald)


As previously reported in a TCC News exclusive, a German wax cylinder recording system installed in the White House during the Cleveland administration has continued to function unattended for over 100 years.

TCC News has once again been granted exclusive access to this recording system by informed Russian-speaking sources who requested anonymity which is fine with us since we can't spell their names anyway. This is what we heard:

(with apologies to Alan J. Lerner and Frederick Loewe)

I'm firing Mueller in the morning
Before he convicts me of a crime
He's some dumb copper
Who thinks he's proper
No damn way I'm doing time
When I'm done tweeting in the morning
Mueller'll be finished real big time
So porn stars kissed me
He'll not dismiss me
He'll be gone and I'll be fine

I will be snacking
And saying, “Folks,
I sent him packing
The ‘collusion’ was a hoax.”

For I'm firing Mueller in the morning
Before he convicts me of a crime
He was so pompous
To think he could trump US
And he'll be gone and I'll. . .
He'll be gone and I'll. . .
For Gawd's sake, please agree that I'll be fine!