TCCN EXCLUSIVE!
Ancient Writing Revealed
BY TUSKER SNARLSON, Special Corresrodent
NEANDERLAND (August 12)
Theatrical Cement Company News (TCCN), the parent company of The Daily Doggerel, has been given exclusive access to an ancient sample of writing discovered in a Neanderland cave known to have been inhabited exclusively by Neanderthals prior to the Homo Sapien invasion.
Dr. Damon Browridge of National Neanderthal University in Neander City, Neanderland who led the discovery team told TCCN exclusively, “This changes everything. It proves the so-called, self-styled ‘people’ of ‘Europe’ have no right to be here.”
What follows is a translation from the ancient Neanderthal text discovered on two woolly mammoth tusks in the cave.
TUSK1:
Neander is Neanderthal land.
Sapiens go back to Africa.
Where you come from is where you belong.
Both you and we will be happier.
Abandon your plan to claim our land and replace us
by sending young males (and all that entails)
to breed with our girls and debase us.
TUSK 2:
If you must roam, leaving your home,
you should leave us alone, maybe head east
and seek to replace Denisovans,
who, though they be our cousins,
THEY breed by the dozens
and at family gatherings disgrace us.
Therefore, perhaps, you Homo Saps.,
being good chaps,
could take them on and you both collapse
leaving all things, both great and small
as God intended, Neanderthal.
